After coming under some scrutiny for mentioning someone's drug use. I think I have to address this issue more fully. And in doing so, I will be admitting to my mistakes even more so than before.
First off, they say go with your 1st instinct. And my 1st instinct in responding to Rich's 1st comment to say that his claiming that I'm airing someone's private life in their drug use is fuckin' ludicrous. But instead I took a more peaceful approach.
Now after looking back at it. I see I was right the 1st time.
Rich's comment was FUCKIN' LUDICROUS.
I'm not insulting Rich. I'm just being honest, and I will most definitely explain why.
To Rich and those of you who agree with him to some degree:
(1))You need to read more carefully. I said that my feelings about a sexual partner's drug use didn't cross my mind much until after this incident. Therefore, it never crossed my mind to walk out at the time as it very well should have.
Also, I said before that I orginally was not going to write about that tryst at all. The reason the bar became mentioned in the first post about my dancing there was simply me doing some self-promotion. And once things did not work out as they should have, I decided to update my readers on the situation with the bar and the bartender, as their comments expressed interest in both. And being that a lesson about drugs could be learned by my botched tryst with the bartender, I decided to write it.
(2)You need to look beyond the surface of things. I ALREADY SAID that this was just an intended roll in the hay. And I compared it to a car accident for a reason. Because the fact is either way, be it the reality or the proposed scenario, his being with me did not lead to the intended outcome because of drugs. In the reality - a great sexaul encounter, in the proposed scenario - me reaching my destination safely. So my point is this time - it was only a botched roll in the hay, tomorrow - it could be that devastating car accident.
With all that being said, the reason I said Rich's comment was FUCKIN' LUDICROUS was because this incident happened while this guy was with me. And being that he was with me, it rightfully stirred an emotion within me. Therefore, I have EVERY RIGHT to vent his drug usage. If he does drugs when he is not around me, or I don't wind up seeing the effects of his drug use, THEN Rich would be right - I am to keep my mouth shut.
Now, in defense of the bartender, the next day after our inteneded tryst, he told me that he was taking steps to no longer do drugs, even the little bit that he was doing. When I told him that I had written the blog about our night together, I did not tell him that I mentioned his drug use, and how it put a cramp in our night together. I told him that I was extremely honest, and that it should keep him doing what he's doing, because he said he was sticking to his regimen of not doing any. For that I commend him, and if he was upset by my last entry, being that I was honest and have now explained how and why as much info about him surfaced as it did, I hope he will understand.
But since I know that what I wrote may have possibly made someone or some people take a look at themselves the way I did after this incident, I'm sorry, but I will make no apologies.
LeNair Xavier, unashamed of his porn past as "Tré Xavier", continues revealing his observations where he sees beneath the surface of all we've been told about sex, life & love.
You have every right to feel how you feel and I did not realize his abuse was not something you spotted at the scene...however so if i understand your thinking well
ReplyDeleteDo you say you have the right to vent your experiences on the www with everybody you meet, even in the most private situation ?
Thanks Rich,
ReplyDeleteI do have that right, UNLESS an agreement is reached between us beforehand to keep it between us. That was not the case here, like I said, I wasn't going to talk about that tryst at all, UNTIL I realized how that use of drugs made me feel.
And to not be a hypocrite, as much as I may not like it sometimes, someone has the same right to vent their experiences with me. In fact, if you've read my blog long enough then you know I hold very little back, such as my embarassing moment during the filming of "69 Fuck Street". And like I hope this telling of my tryst with the bartender helps him and others, maybe someone telling of a most private situation with me can help me correct a flaw of mine.
Thanks Rich, you're keeping me on my P's & Q's. I like that in a reader.
I almost forgot to add, that although I would prefer to have someone vent to me face-to-face, if I somehow leave them no alternative but to go to the www, then so be it.
ReplyDeleteSuch was the case here.
I gave the bartender a card with my phone number, my email, and website address on the 1st night I danced there. But he never gave me his number in return. If he did, I would have used it to tell him about the blog. So I was left with no other choice but to go to the bar and tell the bartender about the blog when he had a free moment. And I didn't feel comfortable going into detail about what I said talking to him over the loud music of the bar. Since I took the initiative and gave him a way to contact me, when I told him about the blog, I said if he had any questions or comments, feel free to contact me. Therefore, I take solace in knowing that I extended the invitation to discuss this if he feels the need to.
somehow ure argument gives me rise to questions.
ReplyDelete"I do have that right, UNLESS an agreement is reached between us beforehand to keep it between us"
The other party is unaware of the consequences of his behaviour and somehow you dont give the person a choice for YOU decide whats good. You make the choices and present the person its consequences afterwards. All parties should know the consequences and all parties should be able to make a choice to step out of it.
However now the other party is not given this.
There must be a certain level of trust that what happens in a bedroom stays there.
With this i mean private information such as drug usage.
Back to your statement:
In my opinion it would be more fair that you have the right to bring it out WHEN an agreement is reached.
And be fair you could have told the same story with the same information and the same positive effects without making clear who this person is.
But lets be honest it is not all that important. Its only your principle i question.
The privacy issue is a complicated one. However, at no point does Tre give the name of the bar tender. In addition, drug users can't really complain about the consequences of their behaviour - they choose to take drugs and have to accept the consequences, whatever they may be. After all, abusing drugs is all about losing control, isn't it? If you want control of your life, don't get wasted.
ReplyDeleteTo Ka-os,
ReplyDeleteI do admit, that I named the bar, not the bartender. But I explained how that became unavoidable for my previous post.
To Rich,
STOP BEING A DRUG USER'S ENABLER.
You are being such an enabler, you have repeatedly missed various points I have addressed. Such as how little contact I had with the bartender to tell him about this post. We even joked about how I might write about it. And I did say that if I did, I would leave his name out of it. And I did.
for me seriously its not about this issue in particular.
ReplyDeletei was hoping we could elevate this discussion to the main question.
As a blogger and public person (erotic artist) where do you draw the line of privacy and public ?
what if this drug user was not taking drugs but talking in the bedroom about being abused as a child it would be the same issue to me. Tre could vent this in his blog becuz theres no agreement.
Taking drugs is not being judged by me. And even if KA-OS judges than nevertheless does two wrongs make right ?