Un Ballo In Maschera

This is where I'll be ringing in the new year. Why don't you join me?

And since this is my last blog entry for the year 2007, it is the prefect time that I tell you -

Once again, you all have helped to make this a great year for me. Your support through my accomplisments and disappointments show me how truly blessed I am. I hope you show up at this party so I can at the least give every one of you a kiss of thanks. And if you don't show, then whatever you do -

Have a SAFE, therefore FUN & HAPPY NEW YEAR

from beginning to end.

My Tyson Cane Finale - Part 2

If by any chance you can't read those words highlighted, they say"...I run a pilot program where models can learn behind-the-camera."

When I saw this my brain immediately flashed back to my telling him about telling my Mom I do porn, and how he didn't think it was a good idea unless I planned on taking it further by directing or owning my own company. And how when I confirmed that was something I was considering for my future, he said, "You 're not aggressive enough."

I immediately composed an email that I waited until the next day to send, because for touchy matters such as this, I look my emails over and over again to make sure I conveyed my message properly by not being too abrasive, and showing the right degree of diplomacy. The final draft that Tyson Cane received was as follows:

Tyson,

I received a copy of GAYVN in the mail recently, and I read in it a section about you. It stated you saying, ".....I run a pilot program where models can learn behind-the-camera".

Please try to recall this conversation that I recently brought up in my most recent blog:
One day on the set of “The Interview”, I had a conversation with Tyson Cane and vented to him that I was coming close to telling my Mom about my doing porn. ......
His advice was him asking me, why would I want to do that to her. Unless I was looking to get deeper involved in the industry, like as a director or having my own company, I shouldn’t tell her. Which I was considering at the time directing or starting my own company, and still do somewhat (based on some of your comments, I know some of you would like that if I did).

The part that is highlighted is where my question to you comes in. When I told you how directing or starting my own company was something I was considering, why was I not told of this program? Instead, you made the assumption of my character that I wasn't aggressive enough. Being that there are not many minorities in this industry, shouldn't you be encouraging a model's endeavors of progression, and not saying things that could possibly tear down their aspirations?

I am very disappointed at 1)your wrong assumption of me, and even more so 2)the fact that I learned of your program from a magazine, and not from you.

Within 5 minutes, Tyson called me about this email trying to justify his actions. He claimed it for people he feels he "can work with." I did 3 movies under his direction, I think I more than proved myself by my putting up with his flaming crap. He tried to use my not cumming during "The Interview", as how I wasn't someone he couldn't work with. And I was glad he brought that up, because at that moment I realized why I decided not to do a cumshot for him. It was because I had enough of him. He also tried saying that my anger at that moment was why I was difficult to work with, which was complete bullshit. Because I never, ever gave him backtalk of any kind from the day I met him until then. So since he was trying to play mind games on me, and with my brain being my most prized possession, I found myself being blessed that this was a phone confrontation instead of a face to face one. Because the darkest part of me would have most definitely surfaced, and from what I learned about his reputation, this is not the 1st time he has sparked such anger.

He took his last shot by saying that, "You know what? As a model, once I've used you, I have no need for you. I don't have to use you anymore."

I told him, "Fine, because I have been considering that for some time now."

And I really had been, because I felt my time in porn with him was going nowhere. My goal in porn is to appeal to many races and cultures by showing the beauty of sex between different races and cultures. If I limit myself to doing porn with an all minority cast, then that goal will never be met.

Hence why I chose to not become his exclusive.

To explain my upset over that article, I admit that when I come on a set, I'm very quiet. But just because I'm not constantly in someone's face asking, "what's this?" and "what's that?", doesn't mean I'm someone with no aspirations and drive. I am someone who learns by observing, and at his age, Tyson should recognize the fact that there are people out like that.

This brings me back to the word from Part 1, "sellout".

What about those people who do have dreams, but the reason they show no aggression in pursuing them is because they see no way to make those dreams a reality? I think that is a big problem amongst minorities. To big themselves up, racist White America paints this picture of Blacks and Latinos living in the ghetto because they are lazy races of people. Constantly giving other whites the opportunities to help them excel, that if given to a minority, that minority could do just as good or better.

By telling me I'm not aggressive and witholding that information about his pilot program, isn't that what Tyson Cane did to me? He had the perfect opportunity to show me a road to climb further up the ladder, but instead chose to say things that could make me refrain from trying to climb it at all.

Tyson's actions also shows his priorities. I can take criticism. Especially when you have knowledge of a possbile way to correct my supposed flaw. So when your priority is to criticize 1st, and share your knowledge with me 2nd - then I'm all ears. BUT when your priority is to ONLY criticize, whether you do it to me or someone else, then how much respect should I have for you as a colleague, but even more so, as a human being?

As this year comes to a close, I felt I needed to get this out to clean out my closet, and set it up for packing it with the beauty that comes with a new year. A new year that I am (as always) looking very forward to.

My Tyson Cane Finale

I know that in past blog entries, I have written of my bad experiences with Tyson Cane that I was trying to repress. Even though I have yet to hear any negative feedback, I'm sure some readers past and present probably think of me as a sellout. The people who would think that are those who feel that being that there are few "bruthas" in the porn industry, we all should stick together.

And I believe we should, when they are more than just "bruthas", but actually brothers.

Because a real brother who is a director wouldn't make condescending comments to his models. Should I keep forcing back my violent reaction to verbal abuse to the point that it makes me physically ill? All for the sake of that "being true to my blackness" bullshit.

So to all those submissive fools I ask, at what cost should I be true to the "bruthahood"?

Should I lie by way of omission to up-and-coming performers about how he did not exhibit proper behavior? Should I keep forcing back my violent reaction to verbal abuse to the point that it makes me physically ill? All for the sake of that "being true to my blackness" bullshit.

What about me being true to the brotherhood of humanity?


And with that in mind, I thought it best to clear the air once and for all, as to what actually was the last straw in my dealing with Tyson Cane.

Some of you may recall, back in January, I wrote a blog entry entitled, "Guess What? Mommie Knows", in which I wrote about telling my Mom about my doing porn. In it, I recalled how I confided in Tyson Cane about my considering telling my mother about my doing porn. That part of the entry was as follows:

One day on the set of “The Interview”, I had a conversation with Tyson Cane and vented to him that I was coming close to telling my Mom about my doing porn. I say “vented” because I knew all along that I was going to tell her no matter what his advice was.

His advice was him asking me, why would I want to do that to her. Unless I was looking to get deeper involved in the industry, like as a director or having my own company, I shouldn’t tell her. Which I was considering at the time...

Now, put that to the side for a moment.

Because what I didn't tell you in that entry was what Tyson said to me after I told him I was considering directing or owning my own studio at some point.

His words to me were, "Can I tell you something? You're not aggressive enough."

He suggested that I do something online. In other words, he wanted me to stick to a medium where I couldn't be perceived as any real threat to him. Which didn't surprise me, because based on the fact that if I did have my own studio or direct, I would have a variety of races and nationalities that my 1st release alone would probably surpass the sales and rentals of all of his DVDs combined.

A few months later, I received my first copy of GayVN Magazine, which was the January 2007 issue. In it there was this article that took up half of the page:



The part that is highlighted is highlighted for a reason. It is the reason that caused my Tyson Cane finale. And I will magnify it and explain why it lead to my finale in the conclusion of this entry tomorrow.

Until then.....

Santa's Compensation

This picture was taken at the Holiday Party at The Cock this past Wednesday.

And I may have been in the very, very rare form of being tipsy when this photo was taken. Let me explain.

When I sat on this hot Santa's lap, he asked me if I had been a good boy this year. Well just like when we were kids, even when we knew we were bad as all hell, I told his, "Yes".

Then he asked what did I want for Christmas, and this is where the alcohol probably kicked in, because I think I was a little free with my mouth the way I am with this blog.

I can't recall the exact words, but I believe it was along the lines of me saying, "A nice thick dick in my ass."

His response was, "Normally, that would make you a naughty boy, but since we are at The Cock, I think that's possible."

And he may have delivered early. Because I left The Cock with 2 hotties vacationing in New York from Belgium.

Before you ask, I did not get tag teamed. DAMNIT!!!!

I fooled around with one of them (a blond with a great ass) at The Cock, and I got a chance to see his cock (which was thick like I asked Santa for). And that made me wonder, are Belgian waffles made so thick to mimic the thickness of a Belgian man's cock. I haven't been around a lot of Belgian men, but for this to be my first time with one, one can't help but think that's a possibility. Later, on we gathered his friend (gorgeous and bald) who was also his ex, and I got invited back to their hotel room.

Before we even got in the cab, the blond told me that he was too tired to fuck, so I already knew any action that happened was going to be between me and his friend. And that is exactly what happened, because when we got in the hotel room, the blond took off his clothes, and laid down on the bed, while me and his friend started making out on the same bed. For a moment, I thought we were going to wind up fucking with his ex right there, but we didn't. We went in the bathroom, and continued our make out session there, and we didn't fuck at all. When it became obvious that we all were too tired to fuck, we retired to the bed.

While I was wondering whether or not the blond was aware of anything going on, I think I got my answer. Because when we got in the bed, I got in the middle, and the blond moved over and got in a spooning position behind me. So the 3 of us went to sleep spooning each other.

At least 2 of us got our rocks off the next morning. I set the alarm on my cell phone to wake me up because I did have to go to work, and when it went off, the one I made out with in the hotel room woke up with me. We started making out again. I straddled him and we started jerking off. At times jerking our own cocks, and other times each others'. He came first, and he did it silently. The only thing that gave me a clue was the look on his face, and his slight body jolts. I knew the only way to know for certain is to check my ass.

And low and behold, there was his jizz wetting my ass crack and even more so, my hole. And that made me get so excited that I started coming, and I blew my load all over his stomach.

He was nice enough to let me shower first, so I did. I got dressed, said "goodbye", and went off to work with a smile on my face.

So maybe Santa did grant my wish to some extent. It's just that he filled my upper hole twice to make up for not filling my lower one.

Now go out there and have a

SAFE & MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

My Interview for Men Of Color Blog

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That Lucas Model Stare May Say The Same As You

Last week, I went to the 9th Anniversary Party at The Cock. And something happened to remind me of one of the questions that many of you knowing I'm from New York have asked. Well now, you'll get a thorough answer from me. Thanks to an upcoming interview for Men of Color Blog.

Parts of both that question and answer being:

You’ve worked for Michael Lucas in the past in non-sexual roles. ....Any chance you’ll do a non non-sexual stint for him? ....Actually, I’ve worked for Michael Lucas in both non-sexual roles and sexual roles, but as an extra, or “sextra” as we were called for “La Dolce Vita”. So the real question is, will I ever be in a featured role for him? Well, I have been called to his offices for casting 4 times within the past 2 years, and nothing as of yet. Now being that I am a different type of Black man that would show more variety than the muscular and bald Black men he’s featured so far, plus I now have the video work to prove my abilities, if you want the answer to that question, you have to ask Michael Lucas.

Luckily, the incident that reminded me of that Q & A was not one to incite controversy like last week. What happened was that while I was just standing by the bar alone, with a bit of a grin on my face because I was having fun, Anthony Marks from "Gigolo" came over to the bar. He put his arm around me, smile and said something along the lines of "Why don't the two of us stand here together, and make ourselves even more noticeable?" We then made our introductions.

I can't recall it verbatim, because while one part of me was drooling, the other felt a bit intruded upon. You see, I don't usually let people I don't know personally just immediately touch me like that, but I was having so much fun, my euphoric state made me allow it. And in case you're wondering, I was totally sober, and YES that is possible in a bar.

During his flirtation, I said to myself, "Not this again!"

"This" being another one of Michael Lucas' models checking me out, yet I've never been a featured performer in one of his films.

The 1st time this happened was on the set of "Dangerous Liaisons", before I started pursuing getting into porn. I kept getting this feeling that I was being watched. And everytime I looked up, a different star was looking over at me. If it wasn't Kent Larson, the next time it was Wilfried Knight. I though that since I was pretty well dressed compared to some of the other extras that day (as you can see from the pics) they may have thought that I was a porn actor as well.

Heck, I think I may have been even more stylish then some of the stars.

That reaction is actually what made me say to myself, "Tre, you've got 'IT'. The ways those guys - the stars of the movie - the way they are looking at you is all the sign of approval you need. If you want to do porn, then GO FOR IT!"

So there I was 4 movies later, naked on the set of "La Dolce Vita" as a "sextra", and in between takes, I get that feeling of being watched again. This time it was by Eric Grant. He's always looked like one of those male mannequins that during my adolescence, I wished would come to life so we could fuck with reckless abandon. With that being the case, you know I didn't mind being watched, plus it made for some serious motivation. After all, (1)I am an exhibitionist, and (2)the thought of Eric Grant possibly fantasizing about fucking me on the same day he's shooting a scene fucking Cole Ryan, only brought out the tease in me. So when camera started rolling again, I only got raunchier in giving a blowjob to the guy I was paired with.

The reason I'm telling this story is to show you that actions of some of Michael Lucas' models make it clear that they wouldn't mind seeing me featured in a Lucas production just as much as many of you. And after all of your questions to me in interviews, blog comments, emails, and face to face conversations about why I haven't been featured in a movie by Michael Lucas, if it's a thought on so many of your minds - go to the source and ASK MICHAEL LUCAS. Because due to my recent work and talks with producers and directors who share my idea of diversity in this industry, I personally am at a point now with that subject where my saying is "if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it just doesn't. C'est la vie!"

Now while this question has been repeated to me so often that it has now become annoying, I do without a doubt greatly appreciate you thinking of me. Because it shows the fact that while many of you are fans of Michael Lucas' work, you consider me a good fit into his stable of models. And it's your thinking of me that keeps the "Tre Xavier" persona growing and showing inside and out.

THANKS To The Humane

I thought I might have to do this when I told about the what I now refer to as "The Pierre Bitch Incident". So as to what I might need to say to my supporters, I was quite prepared.

I have gotten 3 comments here, 2 on my MySpace posting of the blog, and 1 on my DList posting. And I will name each and everyone of you by name, because your boldness to stand with me on this matter deserves way more than the acknowledgement I can give you here. But it is the least and best I can do for you, because as far as my belief goes, only God can do better. And although I know some of you are atheist, I'll still say, God bless you all.

First off, a friend of mine informed me that a blog was written in response to the incident on MenOf Color blog. I was very much surprised being how that was the first sign that my tale of enduring racism struck a chord enough for word of that person's inadequacy as a human being to spread.

Ka-os sent me a friend request on both my DList and MySpace profile, and since then we have had numerous and intellectual chats. And I sincerely hope to meet him face to face one day. Not only because he's tall with a face, body, lips, and ass I adore. But because he has a mind that I've come to adore as well, even when we don't agree on a matter. And that mind makes him even sexier. Check out what he had to say in my defense:

http://ka-os.blogspot.com/2007/12/sometimes-porn-stars-say-bad-things.html Thanks, Babe.

Another cutie I have yet to meet in person on DList is RyanAnthony. I saw his pic, thought he was one of the many underrated studs in glasses, and clicked on his profile. What I discovered was a rather intelligent individual that I immediately wanted on my friends list. You see, you can get on my friends list by being only cute, but showing you have looks PLUS a brain, there will be no delay in me adding you. And I figured he wasn't a racist by accepting my friend request, but I was pleasantly surprised at how much he abhors racism by his comment to my blog:

"Fuck Pierre Fitch! "White people's skin feels better"!? Are you kidding me!?!?! Who is he, Thomas Jefferson!?!?!

The only "types" of guys I find completely unattractive are racist fuck-faces. Clearly, you handled the situation very well and did the right thing, beginning to end: bravo!"

No, BRAVO to you Ryan, for the depth of your convictions.

There's another cute Ryan I have to thank that's on MySpace. Check out my blog on MySpace to see his comment. What it will clearly show is that what makes guys hot besides a cute face and a hot bod is a great mind. That will definitely shine through on this Ryan, when you check out his comment first then his profile.

This is where we get personal with Anthony, Ben, and Rob.

Anthony and Ben's support hold a great deal of importance to me, because they are the past and present of the porn industry.

Anthony you may recall as former porn actor Tony Bishop, who has since became a good friend of mine. He doesn't comment on alot of my blogs, so to see that he felt the need t say anything at all means that what he read got to him, because he heard someone trying to tear his friend down. And to see that only strengthens our friendship.

Ben is Ben Marksman of Knight Stick Films. I wish more people that I know on some level personally who are presently within this industry showed some support. At least saying, "I'm sorry to hear that." Instead of taking the emotionless publicist stand and saying nothing like it never happened to protect their image and not seem biased, when being that this is about one's degree of humanity, one should be biased. I got enough of that reaction from the staff at Splash after the incident. Besides some studios casting practices show them to be biased enough. Falcon Studios, anyone? So it was refreshing to see someone who is presently in the industry show some degree of support. Thanks Ben, you are a rare find, and deserve many accolades for the depth of your humanity that outshines your so-called colleagues.

Lastly, we have Rob. Rob is a someone I have been talking to. And like all the other supporters I listed here, he's White. But considering his present position in my life as a caring friend, you know he has strong feelings of disgust about what happened to me. And the fact that he decided to put it online for you to see instead of just keeping those emotions between us means a lot.

I cherish my readers greatly. At first, I was hoping for more comments, but then my mother reminded me as to why I said I took pride in my writing. It's because I can be a voice for those who don't have a means to have a voice in any form of media. So if your silence is because you see me as a vessel to express the rage you have towards this problem that plagues our society, then I will continue on with pride and joy.

Leaving THE PLAYGROUND

I know for the past month I have been trying to promote my being one of the dancers at Splash's new Sunday night basement event, THE PLAYGROUND, but I must now inform you that I am no longer one of their dancers. I did nothing wrong, so I wasn't told not to come back. In fact, the promoter, Bobby Austin was very much hoping I would come back. And due to my respect for Bobby, let me firmly state that my leaving has nothing to do with Bobby Austin. The choice of me leaving is mine. Now, if it was my choice alone is what stands to be investigated, because my leaving is totally about the venue, Splash.

If I didn't believe that Bobby had a good idea of having a variety of dancers, I would not have promoted my being one of his dancers so heavily (this blog, my website, my MySpace and DList bulletins), or even agreed to being one of his dancers for that matter. The problem is that his idea that invites variety was held at Splash, which is a place that (as I have written before) does not embrace variety.

Bobby Austin's great idea was not promoted well on Splash's end as any competent management would have. If you saw my update page, and how often the date and design of the ad for my appearance at Splash changed, that fault lies with Splash, and the aggravation I'm about to express towards that are my sentiments alone.

Bobby Ausitn emailed me one day to inform me that the date had been moved up a week. OK. So I changed the date on the ad on my website and bulletin posts. THEN Bobby emails me to inform me that Splash had a problem with the original name for the night, "HARD Attack Sundays". They wanted something more generic.

BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE.

Splash also didn't want any advertising for the night that they didn't OK. Now even though my website is self-owned and self-maintained, I would have no problem with removing the ad IF the promoter and venue both took some iniative in promoting the night. Therefore, while the event may be at your place yet you take no initative, where do you get the fuck-faced audacity to say do not to promote my part in it on my website? But since Bobby did take the iniative, out of loyalty to Bobby, I reluctantly removed the ad until I heard otherwise from him.

And it's not like I didn't give Splash a chance to correct themselves. Every week before the debut of the night, I checked Splash's ads in HX and Next Magazine. If (and that's a big "IF") I saw anything about HARD Attack Sundays or THE PLAYGROUND it was only mentioning that there were lap dances (with no mention of the low cost compared to other places) and the letters were small enough to not catch your eye. So it was if we were being set up to fail. This led me to have to decide whether or not I should stick with an event I believe in, even though it's not getting the proper promotion it should from the venue.

At first, I was also a bit annoyed by the fact that none (if any) of you showed up, but I had to realize that whenever I said something about Splash being Chelsea Boy Central, and no longer being the NY gay mecca that it once was, many of you agreed saying how you didn't like it anymore either. With that in mind, how can I blame you for not showing up? I'm not arrogant enough to believe that as much as you may be fans of mine, that my presence can make you want to spend a cover charge to see me at a place that has over the past few years fallen beneath your standards.

I guess the reason I was so willing to give Splash a chance is because if you recall, Splash is where I had my sexual awakening. But back then, a variety of types of men were more accepted. It was almost like the 70's revisited there. What is such a shame is that those days was just 5 years ago. And since then, Splash has become a place where the only ones extremely welcomed are gymrats and twinks, and of course the old men who believe their lives are so empty that they allow themselves to be financially drained by either one or both. So I now have to realize that the hey day of Splash is an important part of my personal history and growth, instead of it's present day incarnation.

As they show the show must go on, as the show "THE PLAYGROUND" still does - just without me. And I feel no regrets about my decision. I have a great deal of respect for Bobby Austin, and I am very willing to dance for him again. Just not at Splash, or a venue I know to be managed as poorly.

After Pierre Bitch's Drunken Racist Tirade.....

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Alas, Naming Names In The Racism Game

There is only but so many times I am going to be confronted with racism and bigotry by someone in the porn industry, and practice the restraint of not naming names before I have enough of the fuck-faced behavior and actually do name names.

Well my friends - the restraints are off now. For that time has come.

I did my dancing gig at Splash for it's 2nd week, and there was a porn actor in the bar as a patron. The incident started while I was having what turned out to be a deep conversation with a patron, A drunken patron then interrupted to talk about how the porn actor was acting so full of himself, and how I should follow his lead. The porn actor was rubbing up on a couple of the other go-go boys, going behind the bar to make out with the bartender. Either drunk and out of control, spoiled and out of control, or a combination of the 2. You decide. Anyway, knowing I was not going to lower myself to those antics, especially considering that it wouldn't say much good about my intellect to take advice from a guy drunk off his ass, this drunken patron decided to say, "I'm going to go fuck with him". And proceeded to start trouble.

The drunken patron picked up a jacket the porn actor left on a bar stool, and told him that I wanted a shirt. I immediately made it clear that I wanted nothing of his. But the drunken porn actor dumb enough to follow the lead of the drunken patron took the situation to a level that if he had any class about himself, he would not have went there.

The porn actor, who was Pierre Fitch, gave a response that was a racist tirade. Saying things like, "I not into those type of guys, I like my white men, their skin feels better", and "no matter how drunk I am, I wouldn't do it".

Now, I admit to having a preference. We all do. But was that necessary? I myself have admitted to racism against black men, that I have overcome greatly. But even so, at least mine was brought about based on what most of the Black men I knew growing up lacked inside. For Pierre to say something like "their (white men's) skin feels better", shows the very superficial outlook that halts our progress not just as gay men, but as human beings overall.

The patron that I was having the deep conversation with was eyewitness to this, and was wondering how I was able to tolerate this. I reminded him of the reason I look so good for my age after he paid me such a compliment for how fit and vibrant I am to be go-go dancing at 36, and not look like I'm out of my 20's. I told him that not letting things like this get to me is exactly why. I looked at Pierre Fitch's drunken racist tirade as him being beneath me. After all, I had no need to get drunk to talk to anyone I talked to that night, whether I was attracted to them or not. Yet, he did. When I present myself as a "wild boy" anywhere, I do it clean and sober, so I can remember the fun I had being a "wild boy" the next day. Drunkards don't have that privilege. Drunkards have regrets, and get drunk again to try and bury their regets.

Early on in our conversation, the patron I was in deep talks with told me that the vibe he got from me is that I know why I'm in this industry, and he applauded me for that, because as he said most younger people have no clue as to why they're doing it, they just are. And those reasons have been explained at one point or another within my blog entries over the nearly 2 years since I started writing my blog. Now some of you may think that he was probably drunk, too. Well, even if he was, this is not the 1st time that someone has told me that I give off that vibe to them. And it wasn't at a bar. It has at some times been in just regular chance conversations with new people that I meet, and tell them what I do. And the fact that I have that strong an inner-light that tells that truth about me, makes me able to overcome any racist and bigoted ranting (drunk or sober) given by Pierre Fitch or any other superficial and close-minded sack of shit.

But I will close today with this.
Don't worry about me, because my night did have a "happy ending" of sorts. But that's tomorrow's story.....

See also - The Tre-Kyros Exchange