This Year, These Tests, Our Growth

This year has for some of my friends been a year that has truly tested their faith and patience. For myself, it has been a year of tested faith and patience as well. But in seeing the silver lining in that dark cloud, I see that it has also been a year of growth. Growth to knowledge of me in the blogsphere and public, which I appreciate you readers for because the words I put here can hopefully inspire goodwill and inner-freedom. And the more you get the word out of my presence, the more that message can spread.

It has also been a year of growth within - which is ALWAYS more important. Your comments whether I agree or disagree help in that inner-growth, and I hope I have done the same for you. And I hope we will continue to do so for each other in 2009 and beyond. If not in the form of this blog, then we'll have some form of entertainment to become our tool - our weapon of choice to celebrate the right, right the wrongs by exposing them, and exposing the parts of ourselves that are a danger to repress.

We are all human, and no matter where you are on the globe, or what shade and shape of skin you're in, you are all my brothers and sisters. And for that, I love you all, and wish you a

HAPPY & SAFE NEW YEAR!!!!!

The K Files: My Holiday Bliss From Her Pissed

Now as we all go back to the grind of our 9 to 5 jobs, I'll update you on those minute details that took place at K & K LLP's Holiday Party, which is where this picture was taken.

When I got there, at the table where they check you in, while in past years it has been secretaries doing it, this year, it was the staff of the Human Resources Department. And who was the first to speak to me, but the Human Resources Director. The only one who puts me at risk of questioning God for allowing such inhumanity to run a Human Resources Department.

The Human Resources Director was ever the stereotypical politician. She greeted me with this big phony smile that after the annoyance she made this past year at the firm be for me, it was tantamount that I maintained my composure by returning a phony smile of my own and saying hello like I did. Had I not, a verbally violent greeting (at the least) would have been given in return.

At first I thought, "God, why is this how you are starting my evening here?" Then I realized, God did me a favor. He put her there 1st so I could get the phoniness out of the way, and be the real me for the rest of the night. The real me that would probably irk her nerves. Sweet!

One part of the party is that they give away prizes. I didn't win anything. Not a shock. After rattling her nerves (as she unjustifiably tried to do mine), my name probably wound up mysteriously lost in the freezing New York wind of that night. But before the giving out of prizes, the Chief Administrator made a speech about how we should applaud the Human Resources staff calling them all one by one. I clapped for all of them, BUT when she called the HR Director's name, I suddenly felt the need to use my hands to cure my being parched by grabbing my cocktail instead.

I warned you that my outfit might push some buttons. Well, after what has happened this past week from the HR Director, I might be right. In the office weeks before the party, and at the start of the party, she put on the bullshitter's smile of hers. For the past week however, I have gotten no kind of greeting at all. What caused the change? She still seems to speak to everyone else she spoke to before. I didn't do anything at the party that was inappropriate. Unless you consider the only logical explanation (by her fucked up standards anyway) being the revelation of my sleeveless shirt when my dancing made it too hot to wear that jacket any longer. So unlike every other male there, my pecs were on full display. Oops! - NOT!

I told you I might be pushing their buttons by my lack of buttons. So if something that petty can cause such annoyance in her (as I figured it would), then I must close by saying MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

That's some even Happier Holidays to me courtesy of K & K LLP.

My After-Party Of THAT Christmas Party, Part 2

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My After Party Of THAT Christmas Party, Part 1

You may recall my telling you that I was attending my day job's Christmas party last Friday, which I did. I save minute details about that for Monday, but for now, let me update you on what happened after that party.

I've seen the guy I met at the NY Jock Party, Steve, just about every weekend since then. He emailed me about possibly getting together last Friday night. I replied telling him that the party might not end until about 10 or 11 PM. You see, every year the invite says one time, but they always extend it, and this year was no different. The invite said it would end at 10 PM, then during the party, they announced extending it until 10:30, then another announcement came on extending it until 11 PM. So I wasn't wrong at all with what I told Steve.

The firm gives a car service to everyone, with you usually winding up sharing with about 2 other people going along your away. Last year, I was totally annoyed by my 1 fellow passenger, so unless I was sharing a cab with one or more of the few cute attorneys and/or paralegals for us to go to his place to do a meeting between our cocks and asses, I would rather ride the cab solo. At the time, it seemed unfortunate that I wound up doing the latter, so I told the driver to take me to 28th Street and 10th Avenue so I could go to Max Scott's birthday party at The Eagle. Along the way, I called Steve, but got a voicemail, so I hung up. He must have saw my number under missed call, so he called me back a couple of minutes later. I told him where I was headed. He said he was in upper Manhattan, and to my surprise, he said he would meet me there. You see, Steve lives quite a bit more closer to The Eagle than Upper Manhattan, so learning he was so far from the Eagle instead of being at or near home made me prepare for Steve to be a no-show. So if I was going to get lucky, it was going to have to be a patron at the bar.

When I showed up at The Eagle, Max Scott saw me just as I was about to pay to get in. It turns out I didn't have to pay, because if I chose to, I wasn't going to be a patron, I was going to go-go dance instead. So even with all the dancing I did at the firm's Christmas party, I chose to go-go dance. I did a set, then Mike Dreyden arrived and gave me a break. While standing around on a break, who walked in but Steve. I told him that he just missed me dancing on the stage, but I'll be on the bar in a little bit. He said he couldn't wait to see that. After feeling him up a bit, to feel that nice plump and smooth ass of his, I later learned why he was so eager to see me on the bar.

I got up on the bar, then Steve asked me to turn around. He then asked me to squat down, and when I did, he buried his face and tongue right into my ass. The bar patrons looking on were totally in awe. And they should be, because Steve's rimming always makes me eager to get my hole filled, even when I'm in the mood to fill a hole myself.

Steve had never been to The Eagle before, so he explored the upstairs while I continued working the on the 1st floor. At about 3:30 we decided to leave, and have our own fun. So as it turned out I was going to get lucky with a patron at the bar after all.

And from there the adventure to be concluded tomorrow continued....

Half-Assed Aggression

It happened again.

I was cruised by another hottie on the subway, and I this guy made me more horny than the last guy I was cruised by. I was riding the C train, and I forgot what stop he got in the train on, but I noticed him the second he walked in the door. I believe he noticed me as well which is probably why he decided to sit in the one empty spot (of about half the train) directly across from me. I believe he was Latino, and he had a ponytail. I've always wanted to have sex with a guy with long enough hair to make a ponytail. If he's a top and lets that ponytail loose, and is good in bed, then his hair (in addition to his ass) is another place for me to run my fingers while he's giving it to me good. But if he's a bottom, I can gently pull it while fucking him doggy-style.

He sat down in front of me, and I felt his eyes on me. I looked up for a quick second, and our eyes met. I tried this out repeatedly to see if I was just imagining it, but I wasn't. And once I was sure, I would look up and twitch a smile at him. He got off and 42nd Street, and he keep looking back at me, even as he was walking up the stairs. I thought to myself, "Follow him, he's a fuckin' hottie!"

A hottie he most certainly was. I could easily see myself dominating that little body, and being dominated by his little body, with the latter being the hotter picture for me. Yes, I love extremes. So it should be no surprise that I love guys much shorter than me (not necessarily little people) pounding my ass, just as much as I like a well-built muscular guy over 6 feet tall giving my ass the business.

Which brings me to my revisiting the aggressiveness of these shorter guys. The 1st guy I dated after coming out was shorter and thinner than me, so I've never been one dumb enough to assume that because a guy is short, that he must be a bottom. Or that he can't be aggressive. That 1st guy, both subway cruisers, and even Shorty J definitely made their intentions known to me.

Now as to why I allowed these subway cruisers' aggressiveness be for naught by not taking them up on their supposed offer is something that makes me have to look at myself . And the conclusion I've come to is that the reason why I don't respond so quickly is because while I'm secure with my sexual orientation and displaying it fully amongst others willing to watch, I'm not comfortable displaying it in the general public with the attitude of "they'll watch it whether they like it or not".

I'm just getting comfortable with holding hands with a guy out in public, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that being cruised so publicly is a bit unnerving to me. For a couple of reasons:

1) me feeling that I'm not as cute as many people say I am, so why are these people so eager to get with me; and 2) I'm worried that these people seeming so public might be a set-up for a bias attack. I know some relationships actually start by such a chance meeting, but you can't always be so sure that people have your best interest at heart.

When these situations happen, I'm always hoping that if they're that eager, that much the real deal in being a self-assured gay/bi man, that instead of just being aggressive enough to stare at me, they would be aggressive enough to take the next logical step and say something. I mean you can talk only with your eyes for but so long before you actually have to make conversation with your mouth. If you're going to be the aggressor, then BE THE AGGRESSOR. That's what happened with the French guy I hooked up with from "French Kiss, Big Bliss". He looked at me, then I looked at him. We kept looking at each other, then he eventually came up to me and said, "Either we can keep looking at each other, or one of us can say 'Hi'".

That being the aggressor is exactly what won me over that night. And the memory of it (along with the great sex) is why we're still in touch so the next time he comes here, OR I should vacation in France, he's earned another bout of "playtime" with me. Because unlike those subway cruisers, he didn't give me some half-assed aggression.

Now you may be saying that those subway cruisers were probably shy just like me, and in response I'm stating that you shouldn't initiate something that you're not man enough to take the steps in making your desires come to fruition. I didn't start these possibilities, they did, and unlike the Frenchman, they never took the steps to see it through, while I made myself available to give them the time if they were for real.

So as you go on your travels via buses, subways, trains, and/or planes, be true to those who are true to you and themselves and

HAVE A SAFE & MERRY CHRISTMAS.

The K Files: Christmas Party Plans?

As those of you who have followed the going-ons at my day job know, that this has been a year a K & K LLP that has severely tried my patience. From words that border on harassment from my supervisor, to the most recent wrong-doing bordering on harassment coming from the Human Resources Director trying to write me up for excessive absences based on an amended policy regarding our days off that is IN NO WAY IN WRITING for all employees to be aware of. Because I'm a human being, not a guinea pig for them to perform tests on some new rules they pull out of their corporate-overstuffed-with-bullshit asses.

While I have decided not to go and take advantage of my legal options this time around, next time I WILL. And anybody who follows the lead of that inept HR Director, be it my supervisor or manager, will be finding their heads in the legal noose or guillotine right along side hers. And with a smile on my face getting great sadistic pleasure from it. You see, the follower of a fool is a bigger fool than the original, so considering they are all aware of my outburst at that seminar to make these inept superiors aware of my knowledge of my rights. Should the HR Director try something else bordering so close to warranting legal action, it would show an intellect a great deal superior to that of the HR Director for them to remove themselves from the situation.

With all I have been through this past year, why would I spend time in the same space with them by going to the firm's Christmas Party this Friday night? Because it's not about them. Every year, I've spent my time in the social graces of those people I respect who work at K & K LLP. For those who are unfitting of my respect regardless of their position, this is a night they don't exist, because while we may be at a firm function, we are not in the confines of the firm's walls, and I plan on taking full advantage of that. For example, by the ways of my planned outfit.

I debuted this jacket at the firm's Christmas Party 2 years ago. Normally, rules of style etiquette say that you're not supposed to wear the same thing to an event more than once. Well, considering how the firm has become the spinning-out-of-control revolving door of attorneys and staff that I mentioned in a past blog entry, by now so many of the staff has changed, this jacket will come off as being new to many people there.

Now once I hit the dancefloor, the jacket comes off. So while most guys are wearing either suits, or dress shirts with or without ties - what am I wearing? Being forever the rebel with a cause, I'm plan on wearing this sleeveless number right here, with the option of teasing with a hint of skin if I move that zipper up far enough.

Last, but not least - what am I going to do for pants? I'm plan on wearing a pair of slacks that I often wear to work anyway. The special thing about them is the fact that they show off my physique from the waist down quite well. Therefore the junk in my trunk will be in clear view.

So basically, my outfit will either make every gay man in that firm might show their true selves (especially if they get sauced enough). OR make me the object of envy for every out of shape straight guy in the firm, OR make every guy regardless of their orientation with the typical American shame of their bodies look at me in awe for having the nerve to go against the grain and wear that outfit. No matter what, after what I've been put through this year with K & K LLP, based on what I said earlier, pushing their buttons with my lack of buttons should be the least of their worries from me.

Of course, if any hottie at the firm (few as they are) try to have their way with me because they like what they see (and the feeling is mutual), you'll be the 1st to know ;-)

DAMN! Dumb Dubbya Ducked!

I wanted my post from yesterday to linger in your minds a bit before concluding my latest blog series, but this just couldn't wait.

Did you see the news about an Iraqi journalist hurling his shoes at (at long fuckin' last) soon-to be ex-President George W. "Dumbo-eared mother-fuckin'" Bush.

The reason I celebrate this is because writers and journalists are expected to show no emotion, like they're Vulcans from "Star Trek". And this outstanding individual did show some emotion towards George W., who is someone I find to be a deplorable human being. In fact, it sickens me to have to refer to him as being a human being considering all the lives lost, still hanging in the balance, and coming undone with him as Commander-in-Chief.

So what this Iraqi journalist taking a stand was him breaking the rules for the greater good, which reminds me of the criticism I recently received for a blog post of mine, where I didn't follow the general "ethics' discretion, and boundaries" as I was lectured about. And as I said to this person giving me this lecture (who I was defending, but have yet to receive any words of appreciation for it), that those ethics, discretion, and boundaries have done nothing for American society overall. And this journalist's outburst shows he feels the same about those journalism ethics, discretion, and boundaries holding back the progress of his country.

These concepts of "don't name names" or "be totally unbiased" at some point makes writers and journalists lose their humanity if they continue to follow them when a situation has reached beyond the boiling point. And George W. Bush's incompetence as President has more than done that for our nation and the world. So while I was lectured about learning the ethics, discretion, and boundaries, from this journalist, ALL writers and journalist should learn about the overspill of emotions that playing robot and following those rules too long can lead to.


This is why I take the stands that I do. I don't want silencing my emotions to drive me this enraged. While I applaud this journalist, I also feel sorry for the fact that he got pushed this far. And any writer who doesn't understand to some degree that being the reason I am as vocal as I am shouldn't be calling himself/herself human.

Elemental D & A

Do not misread.

I did not say D.N.A.
Nor did I say T & A, which stands for "Tits & Asses".
I said D & A, standing for "Dicks and Asses".

With that possible misunderstanding dealt with, let me enlighten you as to how water signs play into the picture.

I have practically always had phenomenal sex with guys born under a water sign of the Zodiac. In fact, I have often said that they make me insatiable whether I'm a top ob bottom with them. I will admit that when I've bottomed for guys who are either a Pisces, Cancer, or Scorpio and even when I ask him to pull out because I feel like my ass can't take much more, my asshole still winks anticipating his re-entry so he can give me more.

I always figured that maybe the concept of Yin and Yang was at play regarding my being sexually drawn to guys born under a water sign. Especially when you consider how according to Wikipeida, the concept of Yin and Yang "is used to describe how seemingly opposing forces are bound together, intertwined, and interdependent in the natural world, giving rise to each other in turn". That seems to be quite a fitting definition when you consider that while the aforementioned guys are water signs, I myself am an Aries, which is a fire sign. And guys born under a water sign of the Zodiac most definitely do give a rise to me.

I'm not saying water signs are the only hotties who give me great sex. Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra) seem to be exceptional rolls in the hay as well. which also fit in to the concept of Yin and Yang. After don't you blow into the air to put out the fire on a match? There's an opposing force for you. The reason I'm not singing their praises as loudly, is because (at least while I'm single and open to variety in my playtime) with air signs while I don't necessarily want the sex to end, I'm just more accepting of the fact that it has.

They say my fellow fire signs, Leo and Sagittarius are also great sexual matches for me. So far, I can only say that is true of other Aries (remember my story about Matt Hyland?). Now while I've knowingly had both a Leo and a Sagittarius, let's just say if the sexual astrology books are right, then I've found the 2 guys who make the authors of those books look like liars. So until I find Mr. Right, I don't mind experimenting with some Leos and Sagittarius's to finally prove those authors right.

As I throw out all of these praises, don't you Earth sign guys think that I left you out. I've had experiences where you guys got some good representation. Such as my scene partner, Taino from "All Out Assault". He's a Taurus, and a damn fine one in all the right components for great sex: face, body, ass, cock, and mind. Yes - MIND, because his knows the right words to say before, during, and after the sex. So have I had him off-camera is the question you might be asking, and the answer is NO. But he said enough in our phone conversations before the shooting of our scene that made me lust every thrust you see on your screen. Do I want him off-camera?

Well, I wouldn't mind another crack at that Earth sign girth opening up my tight hole again. And with an ass like that, I wouldn't mind trying my Fire sign girth on him.

This all boils down to the fact that while everyone has some kind of preference (color, nationality, or what have you), I have mine depending upon elemental signs of the Zodiac. But I'm not using this preference determine my true love relationship, nor my sexual ones, because there is always someone who can prove one's finding wrong. So while I'm single and free to experiment, I'll keep finding out who stays true to my positive findings. However, being one who always roots for the underdog, I want to find those who prove my negative findings wrong.

So come on SuperStuds in hiding! Show yourselves!

A.P.B. For 2 DP Tops

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Typical American Gay Male - His Own Worst Enemy: Ageism

There is a serious problem of age discrimination within American gay culture. While I can't say much about females, but I can say plenty about gay males. And in regards to whether or not ageism exist amongst American gay males, there's not much good I can say.

Media has always been meant to reflect the view of the society from which it originates, whether that society be based on a race, country, religion, sexual orientation, etc. While some media fall short of properly representing its people, gay media all too often represents the mindset of its people well. The problem is that my saying that is by no means a compliment.

Many of these media companies are run by older gay men. Therefore what does the barrage of twinks and 20-somethings as models say about American gay males? It says:

1) as American gay men get older, they hate ourselves. They feel their quality as a marketable entity is diminished because as they age, they have lost their beauty inside and out.
The problem here is that while this message in particular is sent out by gay men almost globally (e.g. Bel Ami, Eurocreme), my concern is Americans. With that in mind, if Americans were less corporate-minded and more physically active, we wouldn't lose that beauty inside and out. The corporate world is propagated as the way to go, but in actuality, it eats away at you robbing males of their virility. And the corporate world also inicites a slavery mentality to where if you're in a a high chain of command, you don't do anything phyiscally for yourself. You don't go to get up from your chair to get your lunch, you don't go up a flight of stairs for something you need. You sit there and become a lard-ass and let the secretary or office clerk do it for you. With that being the case, then you've adopted an ugly mentality inside that has made its way to the outside of you;
2) older American gay males are stupid. Older American gay males aren't bright enough to be spokesmen for the products and messages meant for the gay community. Age has worn down their brain cells.
The problem here is that it the American gay male population's present state poses the question as to whether or not older gay men are really that stupid? While I am not one who really believes statistics, let's say for arguments sake, IF the statistics are true, then with the number of new STD infections and drug addictions happening to younger people as opposed to older I think the message Amercian gay media sends out most definitely needs to be thought out again, because a good number of older gay males may actually know what they're talking about, OR they are at an age that they've learned from their mistakes. And wisdom most definitely enhances outer beauty, along with inner;
3) older American gay males take advantage of their younger counterparts. As I stated in a previous post, 20-somethings have an eagerness to please their superiors who are usually older.
The problem here is that because of that eagerness to please, too many of these older superiors ask of these 20-somethings things that they wouldn't ask of someone their own age, because they know that older person has been around long enough to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that they should say "NO". This in turn might makes the younger person looks back in his older years, and become so bitter about how he was taken advantage of that (like many abusers) he'll start taking advantage of the crop of 20-somethings when he himself is in his 30's and beyond.

This all shows that just like the saying goes, "youth is wasted on the young". The problem of ageism starts from the older American gay male himself running from the fact he's getting older. It should not be a big deal for an older man to be in a gay porno, yet when there is, it suddenly becomes a "daddy" scene. Why is that? I'm 37 now, and while gay media says my age is that of a "daddy", I look nothing of the kind. In fact, since I started in the adult industry at 34 years old, most of my scene partners have been in the early to mid 20's with no mention of a "daddy" theme. And it's not so much because "black don't crack" as much as it is living my life advoiding the stresses from wrong messages 1, 2 and 3.

What makes this crisis of ageism amongst American gay males continue is that there are not enough older American gay males counter attacking it such as by the way that I'm doing now with this blog. OR those who were once young models themselves admiring their aging and celebrating it by bringing well-aged intelligent men to the forefront for our viewing and intellectual pleasure.

Let me confess to the fact that I was once a perpetrator of ageism. What humbled me was a rejection from Sharpshooter Studios who said I look great but I'm just a little bit out of their age limit, yet see them use a model who may be younger but I believe looks around my actual age. Or is this just a case of the racism that I must get into in the final part of this series?

Anyway, since then, I've opened myself up enough to come in contact with more older American guys who look so great for their age that I was inspire to write this blog.

Yes, even at my age. Although it's sad as to how that shouldn't be much of a shock when you consider how many gay media companies are run by older gay men who shun their fellow older gay men, instead of highlighting those men (gay, straight, or bi) that have taken good enough care of themselves to maintain their beauty as they age. Or in the case of 1994 Playgirl Centerfold, Richard Lima, better their beauty as they age.

Back when these pics 1st came out, I recall buying a Playgirl Magazine, and beating my meat to the sight of him just a little bit. But when I saw these pics of him 14 years later ----

-----I felt I should have held off on busting the nut that accompanied me screaming his name. Because back in '94 he was a pretty boy, but now Richard Lima is ALL MAN. Just like I discovered Colton Ford to be when I met him last year at Hustlaball. I feel both of these guys are better suited to represent male beauty than most of these young models used today in gay media, be it print ads, commericals, or adult entertainment. If Colton Ford was to ever come back to do porn, after I saw him perform at Bana in a speedo, it would be a must to pass on the message to him that says, "(Not my beauty, but) My booty awaits."

We alll should know the expression "age before beauty". Well some of us have followed a mentally and/or physically healthy enough lifestyle where we have kept our beauty while we age, and I feel that the gay community needs to acknowledge that and demand to see it reflected in gay media, be it magazines, televiosn, print ads, or adult entertainment. With older gay men being at the helm of many media outlets, to not show that is a clear display of another message I forgot to mention earlier - jealousy. Jealousy of the older gay men who have maintained themselves well.

Now, I ask you, do you really want to be that obvious? Obvious to the fact that by exhibiting the behavior of ageism that we don't deserve the rights that some gays are fighting for, but straight people take for granted, because the LGBT community has to further prove their humanity.

So I leave you with this question, how can we further prove our worth and humanity when we can't show we show humanity to those within our community over a simple NATURAL occurence like age?

American gay males, young and old - it's your call.

Exhibitionist Add-A-Day

My weekend started with the news I must report that after 3 weeks into its 5-week run, I was voted out of Go-Go Idol at The Monster. My disappointment with not proceeding is only because as big a city as New York is, there aren't many venues that feature or include the same variety in body types in ethnic men as they have in the White men they hire. Instead it's almost a requirement for ethnic men to be muscled-up, so I was glad to represent the void of ethnic go-go boys (especially Black and Asians) who are simply well-toned.

At least now with Go-Go Idol out of the way, I can once again spend my Thursday nights editing my weekend posts meant to inspire some weekend horniness in you.

Speaking of weekend horniness, I had plenty of tools of outlet over the weekend. First on Friday night was the pool party Baña. My kink for wet hot guys was quickly satisfied after I checked in. I bought a new pair of swim trunks that arrived in the mail just in time. They're from a division of Greg Homme called 3G ActualWear.

It seems pornstars were part of the pleasing sights working at Baña with Mike Dreyden working the clothescheck naked wearing only those reindeer horns and ears you see in that pic. But before running into Mike, the guy greeting me when I first walked in, besides being a total hottie, he looked very familiar to me. It turned out being Jake Havoc.

Once I realized that, while I'm not a size queen but fascinated by a thick member, I thought to myself, "Damn, you got a thick one! I wouldn't mind finding out if you could put a pounding on me that makes you deserve that last name."

Well, I didn't get that thick one. BUT I did have a run-in with someone who I recently met who has a member possibly as thick. Steve from the NY Jock Party. In fact, he's the one who took the photo of me and Mike Dreyden. So I had some playtime with him, as well as my past conquest from "Nice Work, If You Can Get It (And Some)". To not monopolize each other's time, me and Steve went our separate ways for a bit which led to my playtime with my past conquest, and a very hot makeout session with a group of new guys. When me and Steve reunited, we put on a hot show in the VIP Room, and left open the possibility of our previous plan to hook-up on Saturday, even though it was technically Saturday already when we parted ways.

After Steve's hook-up invitation, I had some other options thrown my way to consider for my Saturday night. Such as Dnaiel Nardicio's DList Radio broadcast from the D train, and a hottie's birthday party. As usual, I stuck to my "first come , first served" rule, or in this case "first come, first serviced". Especially since after planning a time via email I told Steven that I would be "Ready, willing, and able - to get fucked senseless." And to my delight, Steven took full advantage of my invitation to my ass. Let's just say if the makers of his bed ever want to make an X-rated commercial for that bed, me and Steve should be the star of that commercial. Especially considering how at times me and Steve wound up airborne from his fucking me so hard, with only our mouths and not the bed were making a sound. He took some pictures of me, and I used the camera on my cell phone to take some of him. Now with an ass like that, you know I was groping it like crazy while he pounded me.

Believe it or not, after the fuckfest I had, I still had enough energy to get myself over to a prior commitment of the benefit for Theatre Askew, "Holiday Heat" . There was erotic art there available for a silent auction. One artist's name was very familiar to me. It was Anthony Gonzales. He drew pictures of me when I posed at the Erotic Art Fair a couple of years ago. I found him to be extremely talented, so whoever won the auction for his pieces, I can defintely say that they are so lucky.

Now tonight, Daniel Nardicio is bringing back for one night his TigerBeat Underwear Party to The Cock. Since I already planned on going there, I don't feel bad about missing his DList radio broadcast. But guess who designed the underwear I plan on wearing to close my weekend horniness? Why it's Greg Homme. Maybe he'll read this and make me a spokesmodel. Wouldn't that be cool. And don't you wish you were going to be there to see me wearing this:

If you're not there, your loss is going to be somebody else's gain. Especially since I have already put in for a day off the following Tuesday. I guess these plans show that the weekend may be over, but my exhibitionist spirit isn't.

Lovin' Sex Party Lustin'

As you've seen from my postings of this blog that I've been to a good number of sex parties since my years out . Cum Monkey, All Male Party, Hot Jocks Party, and most recently NY Jock Party. Knowing that, some may wonder what do I find so appealing about sex parties. I once briefly dated a guy who was a counselor went into psychology mode saying that because of my 1st sexual experience being an orgy that I was automatically drawn to a group sex scenario.

That's sheer psycho-babbling generalization, because I was into orgies before I lost my virginity. Back then, I was buying mostly straight pornos, most of them by Sunshine Films with the themes of what? Orgies and sex parties.

I think my being drawn to sex parties stems from my seeing that America is so sexually repressed that I greatly enjoy seeing a group of people in a sexually-free environment. It is America's repressive rules about sex being broken as a pleasing sight live and in the flesh - pun most certainly intended.

While I usually enjoy the sex parties I attend, there are instances that I'm sure everyone has encountered like what I'm about to describe. There was a guy there who seemed like he just had to have me. I thought maybe he knew who I was. I however, wanted no parts of him, mainly because he reminded me of a larger version of Tyson Cane. And based on my past posts about my feelings towards him, there was no way I would have let that guy's cock in me. I felt it was kind of me to allow him to touch me, but that was as far as I would go without reciprocating the touch. I've seen other patrons when they're not interested won't allow that much. BUT at one point, my kindness was clearly taken advantage of. I was bent over wanting a guy I was fooling around with named Steve to enter me while I sucked off another, and I felt a cock entering my hole thinking it was the one I was fooling around with. But something made me stop and turn around, and I was extremely annoyed to find that it was the Tyson Cane look-alike trying to enter me. I felt that as many times as I ignored his advances before this incident, he should have got the point that I wasn't going to willingly be fucked by him. So from that point on, no matter who I was fooling with, I turned myself away from his touch.

The rest of the night was exactly what I love about a sex party. So thanks to the stud I hooked up with and recommended the NY Jock Party, where a hot guy with a hot bod is a requirement. I was pleased to see hot guy after hot guy fucking and making me want to fuck them or the hot guy near me. You see, I believe there are 3 levels of how sex happens at a sex party. They either 1) just have sex (can you say boring?); 2) fuck; or 3) FUUUUCK . One big muscular guy fucked me, and was a little rough with me. I guess he got that rare occasion when a big guy trying to put my aggressive bottoming self in line actually turns me on. Then there was the aforementiond hottie named Steve who was a little taller than me, and he FUUUUCKED me. I hope to see the muscular guy the next time I go there, but Steve got my email address and phone number, so I definitely hope to make plans for a more drawn out performance.

Well until then, I guess I'll go to Bana Pool Party tonight and gawk at hot guys in swim trunks and bikinis. And if any of those aforementioned hot prospects get an encore, maybe I'll kiss, fuck, and tell. Or - maybe I won't.

Typical American Gay Male - His Own Worst Enemy: Sexual Hypocrisy

While I take great pride in my sexuality, I however can't say the same for my sexuality as an American male. Based on the propaganda that is spewed about how America is so democratic, free, and accepting of all, reality shows that American society is a pathetically behind civilization, especially when it comes to sexuality. Mainly due to its discriminatory behavior. I guess with all the good this country has, being imperfect as humans are, there had to be flaws somewhere. The problem is these flaws are self-destructive. I say this because you would think that with the discrimination against gays in American society that the gay community would be more united. But as it turns out, the behavior within American gay culture shows how nothing could be further from the truth.

I will use this 3-part series to show the main ways that the typical American gay male is his own worst enemy. I think 3 is an appropriate number to deliver this bad news since most of that bad things that have happened in my life happen in some multiple of 3. Even the news of celebrity deaths practically always comes in 3s. So to start this 3-part series off, I will 1st address the issue of sexual hypocrisy. While I will use involvement in porn for my examples, you can put anyone you know to be sexually adventurous (whether they do porn or not) as the victim of this community damaging behavior.

There is a stigma associated with being in the adult entertainment industry that many of those who are not in it seem to past judgement on where they feel that they would never involve themselves with someone who works in that field. The hypocrisy in this is that these are the same people who WHILE they claim to be dating someone in one breath, in their next breath they will participate in sexual exploits shown in many a porno with someone other than that person they claim to be dating or in a committed monagamous relationship with. I have seen this brand of sexual hypocrisy rear its ugly head in my prospective relationships way too often. I meet a guy make out with him, and he initiates the feeling up part of the make out session. Then when in my need to be honest telling of my being in porn, he acts like he's cool with it, but his behavior afterwards shows otherwise. Or the situation from my blog posts "New Lessons After The 3" where a former go-go boy and escort now sees a relationship with a sex worker "problematic". What makes him a hypocrite is the fact that being a former sex worker himself that he wouldn't generalize about where exactly my head is and what my standards are, yet he did. But I look at him as his lost will be somebody else's gain.

And these displays of hypocrisy are one of the reasons why so many American gay males grow old and alone, needing the escorts that they probably used to be themselves in order to experience that missing companionship because of the one that got away, because they pushed the guy away. I'm not saying that's the case of all escort clientele. Some may do it just because they see a gorgeous man and are in a position to pay for that man's time. But I'm sure that filling that self-induced void is the case of many.

Sexual hypocrisy does not only happen in prospective relationships. They happen in business relationships as well. While I am well aware that everyone is not into porn, I accept the fact that everyone is entitled to their feelings about it. However, it is undeniable sexual hypocrisy when a gay media company pretty much peddling softcore porn to your face acts like their above involving themselves with a porn-inspired event. Such was the case recently with a gay publication towards my friend, Will Clark.

If you recall, I recently did an appearance at Will Clark's Porno Bingo. As many times as I've written about Porno Bingo, you are aware that Porno Bingo is a charity event where whatever LGBT organization is the beneficiary of that week gets all the money earned by the Bingo card sales and auctions done during the event. With that in mind, while it was already planned for me I auctioned off the jockstrap I was wearing that day, I thought why not auction off the shirt that was in a giftbag I got from Instinct Magazine's 11th Anniversary Gala that I attended a week before. My offer to add that shirt as an auction item was turned down because as it was brought to my attention, Will Clark offered to promote Instinct Magazine at Porno Bingo, but was turned down by them because they didn't want to be involved in that kind of event.

What exactly is "that kind of event"? A friend of mine who seems to way too often make excuses for the dumbest of people thought it might be that Porno Bingo was too small scale. Let's go with that for a moment. Small or large scale, it shouldn't matter how big a scale of an event Will Clark is doing. What should matter is the fact that his event benefits New York's LGBT community. Something Instinct Magazine should be applauding instead of being hypocritical bitches turning their noses up at it.

To further justify while I can call Instinct Magazine "hypocrital bitches". What did I see at their 11th Anniversary Gala? To be more specific, who gave me the giftbag that had that shirt in it?

Well-built models all glittered up wearing silver skimpy boxer-briefs that would have looked like "Daisy Dukes" if those models had enough ass (instead of working for one), because their cheeks would have been peaking out. Emphasis on "would have been".

Now after such a display, how dare Insticnt Magazine look down on Porno Bingo. This move by Instinct Magazine is another clear display of sexual hypocrisy that makes the typical American gay male his own worst enemy. As I said before, LGBT media staples like Instinct Magazine should be backing Will Clark for what he does on behalf of the LGBT community, because our LGBT organizations (artistic, health, or otherwiese) need all the help they can get. Therefore hypocrisy or a holier-than-thou attitude should not stand in the way of that help.

Now if I seem highly irate by Instinct's part in this matter, it's because while I'm aware other organizations have done this sort of thing (and if they did it to Will Clark, they've done it to others) but this was one time where the hypocrisy was so close, with Will Clark as a friend, I felt it slapped me in the face as well. Because my feeling about someone looking down on my friends is this: if they deserved being frowned upon, then turn your nose up at them until you heart's content. BUT when my friends are doing honorable works, if you dare to have the fuckfaced audacity to turn your nose up at them (especially while showing a display of hypocrisy on your end), I will most definitely show my disapproval for your behavior.

I will point out that my usual method of re-telling someone's situation is that I ask the person's permission. Such was not the case here, because Will Clark had no idea that I was planning to re-tell this situation with Instinct Magazine. I went against my usual method out of fear that Will would have went by the old method of not naming names because of the LGBT community being a small one. As you have seen, I practically always flipped the bird to the brand of thinking, because I feel if you don't name names, then the people doing wrong will continue to do wrong. That is why the American gay male is his own worst enemy in the 1st place. Just like an abused spouse not pointing out their bruises were inflicted on them by their spouse, not naming names makes you an enabler to that person's wrong-doing, because you're not bringing the shame upon them that could possibly make them look at themselves, see the error of their ways, and stop their wrong-doing. Think about it. If people were naming names all along, the American gay male might not be constantly looking down the barrel of a metaphoric gun held by their so-called "fellow man" as much as they are today.

So may my naming names here be the beginning of eradicating sexual hypocrisy from being one less problem that makes the typical American gay male his own worst enemy.

I'm going to leave you with some words that I'm considering using for every post in this series. They are from Lucas, the author of the blog that I highly recommend entitled, "Top To Bottom". His words say:"Let me remind you all of something: We are still at war..... I mean the War for our equal rights. We can only legally marry in 3 out of 50 states. There is still a plenitude of people who think that we do not deserve the same rights as heterosexuals. How can we possibly expect them to like us when we can't even show them that we like each other?"

I agree, Lucas. I wholeheartedly agree.

Thanks4Giving Me The Nerve

I'm taking a couple days off writing my blog so I can enjoy and be the kinky guy that I am over the 4-day Thanksgiving weekend. A few places in NYC that I'm either considering or will definitely be attending are:

Wednesday: Daniel Nardicio's Horn O' Plenty (that's a definite. I'll be a patron taking advantage of the clothescheck option)
Thursday: Boys Gone Wild @ mr. Black (If I don't need to sleep off my full belly to gawk at their go-go boys)
Friday: Wishbone(r) @ The Eagle
Saturday: not completely sure, may make it a night of rest before -
- Sunday: Sperm @ The Cock

If you see me at any of these places, say "Hi", I don't bite - unless you want me to.

That freaky relief through my body and eyes will be just the relaxation I need before picking up from where I left off in writing my blog. Because right now, I'm working on is a 3-part series to show how the typical American gay male is his own worst enemy. And you can bet in my special brand of bluntness I will be putting some serious foot to ass by naming names of guilty parties from the 3 aspects I'll be listing.

Now, I hope all of you are aware of what you have to be thankful for. I for one am thankful for YOU.

I have been doing this blog for 3 years come January, and over that time, the responses I have gotten from fellow bloggers, people in the industry, as well as the general public is what gives me the nerve to take on the controversial subject matters that I take on. In fact, it's what keeps me taking on more issues that need to be addressed when no one else will, but should.

Your support means a great deal to me. Whether I agree with your view, or go on the attack with you because of my disagreeing with it, PLEASE BE AWARE that since I tend to touch on issues that are made hush-hush within the adult industry and gay culture in general, your point of view helps to start a much needed (for being long overdue) dialogue on those issues.

So with that in mind, I encourage you to stay SEXY by being yourself to be free. And be safe as you bask in your own lustin' season.

Fucked Up & Fucked So

Here are a couple more pics from my appearance at Porno Bingo this past Wednesday night:

After Porno Bingo, my friend visiting from out of town introduced me to a friend he brought with him from Texas. From the moment I saw him, I wanted to have a roll in the hay with him. Especially since when I do an event where I get naked, and see a guy I'm attracted to, I get especially horny and any guy I see who is as gorgeous as this guy is someone I want to let get closer to that nakedness. Mind you, that horniness last beyond the time I put my clothes back on. It's with me until someone has gotten close to by making me go back to that nakedness and joining me, then we either do mutual masturbation or the two or more of us wind up fucking. Then I later found out, he did at one point did a jerk-off scene for a porno. I WANT THE NAME OF THAT MOVIE.

Now, I'll backtrack to how alcohol played into the story.
It finally happened to me. I got caught up in the way of how some people will be so busy talking that they forget how many drinks they had. And I had a few toooooo many, especially since all of them were Screwdrivers. It all started when I calmly excused myself to go to the bathroom. I got up from the bar stool quite easily, fully aware that I was going to throw up. Once I did, that's when I realized not only how drunk I was, but the fact that I was drunk at all. I do recall stopping to throw up about 4 or 5 times before we got to our destination. And once there, I remember just falling out onto the couch. So these were by no means my finest hours.

I was still sleeping off the drunken mess that I was the night before, then I felt someone touching me. Not just touching me, but feeling me up. And my psychic sense played a part here being that it may not let me know exactly who the person is right away, but it does enable me to know whether or not the person is in some degree familiar, as well as whether or not the person is someone I want near me at all. So my psychic sense basically makes a summarized character fingerprints of a person, instead of an unique one. So in this case, while I was horny from being stripped down in front of cuties the night before, if this was someone I didn't want, I would have automatically jumped up and had a fit.

It turned out being that there was no need for such a reaction.

The guy feeling me up was my friend's buddy. Knowing that, you are well aware that I was not complaining. In fact, while I was a little dazed at first, that touch started me on coming out of it. I came out of it even more when he started sucking my dick. However, I was still dazed enough to where I can't recall how my pants came totally off of me. Did I take them off when I got to where they were staying? Did my friend's buddy take them off? OR did we both take them off in the heat of passion?

I do recall after sucking my cock a bit, he got on top of me, and started taking his pants off. One regret is that I never saw his cock, but I did have the pleasure of feeling it hard up against my skin wanting to either enter me at any moment, or shoot a load from my cock throbbing inside of him. And I'm not making this up. He did mention the possibility of either me topping him, or him topping me. And the more this played out, the more sober I became. To the point that when he asked if I had a condom, I sprung off that sofa, and ran over to my coat in the dark, to pull one of my own ONE condoms. I gave it to him, and it was on.

Even with my tight hole, I was still dazed enough that his dick slipped into me with no problem. But if I remember correctly, his cock wasn't exactly thin. And how could I remember wrong when you consider the fact that he did do a porno. I remember everything from me telling him how I wanted this from the moment I laid eyes on him, to the feel of his nice smooth ass in my hands as he thrusted into me, to knowing that I couldn't be my loud self so I passionately whispered things like, "Yes, fuck me! Give me your cock! Give it to me!"

And gave it to me he did. Since he hadn't come for more than a week according to him, the condom has a nice load in it (yes, the sight of cum in a condom turns me on). That needed relief also made it end quickly, but I am by no means complaining, because it was sooooooooo fuckin' good. I guess you could say he fucked so good that he fucked me back to sobriety. No joke. I came out of my daze with not so much as a headache. Proof of that was how afterwards, we had a great conversation talking about our experiences in porn. I do however feel I was making up for lost time, because I was talking a lot .

I do feel bad as to how it ended. It turned out, my friend wasn't supposed to bring anyone back with him, so even though they were leaving in a few hours, they got kicked out earlier than expected. But my presence wasn't the only one that caused a problem. It turns out that because of my drunken state, I was totally unaware that my friend and his buddy not only brought me back with him, but someone else who was helping them take care of me as well. So it turned out being that action wasn't only taking place downstairs. It was taking place upstairs as well.

Once outside walking to the train station, I saw the name of a familiar street, Monmouth. I thought to myself, "there's a Monmouth Street in Manhattan?", then I answered my own question with a"no". You see, Monmouth Street is the street I lived on when I first moved to Jersey City. So yes, I was so plastered that another revelation came to light. I was back in Jersey.

The one thing that bothers me looking back on that night is how people get that drunk when they're by themselves. I never drink that much, when I'm out solo, even if I meet someone that night, I wouldn't drink that much, because there's no guarantee that new "friend" will be there to see you through you. So with that in mind, I sent my friend my deepest apologies for putting him in such a predicament. Being the sweetheart that he is, he replied telling me to not sweat it. But being the perfectionist that I am, I can't help but sweat it.

Hence why I'm telling this story is my flawed judgement. Because I believe in owning up to when you fuck up. Plus it beats any Perez Hilton-like fuckfaces to the punch from telling of my flawed judgement when they need to focus on their own.

So go out and have fun by being safe and sober. Because while getting fucked sober was a pleasure. Sobriety from start to finish would have made it even more fun.

The Right Feng Sui @ Porno Bingo

I was a bit nervous about Wednesday night's Porno Bingo because of it being my 1st appearance in it's new space. I told Will Clark beforehand that I might be a bit more "on" than usual. I felt I could make that assumption about myself because of the performer in me feeds off the energy of the crowd. As much as I love the event of Porno Bingo, I believe the narrowness of its original home, the 9th Avenue Bistro didn't have the (I guess you could say) feng sui for me to take in the audience's energy properly, so being my own worst critic like most artist, didn't feel comfortable improvising. With Pieces Bar being a more wide open space, the energy flowed and I was on.

I was glad to see some hotties in the crowd including go-go stud Freddy Wolfe, and another pornstar, Lars Svenson.

Speaking of Lars, while I love a good hard primal fuck, I'm not as much of a fan of Lars, as I would like to be, because he usually comes off in scenes where you can foresee his roughness as soon as he steps into a frame. But when he walked in on Wednesday night, I wasn't even sure it was him. Because he looked like this tall, slim, blond-haired mild-mannered hottie, who therefore would surprise you if he had an edge on him. And that possibility (instead of obviousness like you see on screen) made me ready to drool over the sight of him that night. So much so that I flirted with him while I was onstage guest calling a round, and we were wagging our tongues at each other. Yes, the energy flowed just right for me that I loosened up more that night than at previous Porno Bingo appearances, as I predicted. And this was without even 1 drop of alcohol in my system. Alcohol however will play a part in part 2 of this story later.

After seeing a couple of performances at BAAD! when asked what night I wanted to appear, I was more than willing to volunteer my time on BAAD!'s behalf. With the comic relief from drag king Macha and drag queen Appolonia Cruz, the neo-soul musical stylings of Nohjj, PLUS being reunited with former castmate, Johnathan Cedano, from the independent film I did in my mainstream entertainment days called "Jaded", it was an extremely fun night. I even wound up signing just above a woman's breast. To all you hetero-phobes out there who are irked by that bit of news. Tough TITTY! Bi-guys like myself revel in moments like that.

And I held true to my usual way of wearing unusual underwear, while I was wearing this in Black:

Now, see what you missed.

You missed out on the chance to take me out of this jockstrap that just like it looks in the picture, snaps off from the sides and front, with the front if unsnapped would have revealed to you my dick in a built-in cockring. Which would have meant more time to savor taking it off of me.

One of the guys in the final bidding war was a gorgeous redhead who happened to be a dancer - and you know how I feel about dancers. YUMMY! Participating to help out the charity, a friend of mine who was visiting from out of town won. While I greatly applaud and appreciate my friend's participation, you know I was lusting for the redhead to win, so an exciting evening could begin. Well, at least he got to watch my friend take the jockstrap off of me, so he got to see some parts of me I wanted to show him. He just didn't get a chance to get up close and personal with them. But at what seems to be becoming a new tradition with me appearances at Porno Bingo, someone did get up close and personal with those parts later on. But I'll save both that tale, and about the alcohol for tomorrow.

Consider this post, to be just like me -----a tease ;-)

Erotic Poetry: Lustin' Season

I seem to be getting alot of attention lately. I have prospects that I've met online, at bar night parties, and there's even a possibility of some on my day job. I started thinking, "What is going on here?" All of the sudden I have more sexual prospects now then I've ever had since my coming out about 6 1/2 years ago. Then again, I have been going out more than ever before, even to bars, which before was quite rare, but it's always for an event night. Maybe that's why my prospects have suddenly widened. Widened -just like my asshole from the big cocks I've been accommodating. Luckily, I do Kegels to keep my rep for having a tight hole.

Whenever something has a profound effect on me, if it doesn't become a regular blog post, it becomes lyrics instead. And this new found babe magnet I've seem to have become lately, definitely has had a profound effect on me, because I never expected this, nor am I letting it go to my head. It's just that my expressing its effect came with a sensual rhythm and erotic words. So I'm just safely having fun with it, and I hope you do too by way of these lyrics.

____________________________________________________________________

Lustin' Season

Is it the season
Sparking your fire
To give me some signs
I'm a new desire?
Has it been in you all along
Or am I misreading your eyes?
Then why the need to talk
Making idle chatter?
Is a part of you
Getting longer and fatter?
With every single word you speak
Do you hope one day to make me weak
And drop down on my knees?
Kneeling to worship yours
And bring you closer to cream
With senses tingling in some ways
You thought were only in dreams

I'm not so hot
That I'm the cat's meow
Yet many eyes on me
Seem on the prowl
So much attention is new to me
The sexual tension needs to be set free
So it's not just you
I'm feeling it, too
With such sexy prospects
Who will I choose
For a back and forth dance inside
Or flip the script for the hottest ride?
My loins throb to be satisfied
Whoever wins me
Better prepare to get wet
Time is running out to make a show
That we won't forget

Tick-tock
My body's clock
It's tickin'
Just won't stop
Craving to tick as one with yours
Even if it's just
One night
It's for lust
Not love's plight
As long as we're both aware
We can be fully prepared

Let's go and bask in this lustin' season
And soothe that itch made by primal reason
Cause our bodies are cravin'
Some misbehavin'
Don't let the sun set on this time
That we have this fever to be in twined

©2008