On March 31, 2008 at 2:57 AM....

....I will be 37 years old. To be 37 years old in this youth-obsessed industry is a feat within itself. But being a Black man who started at the age of 34 (an age at which even with the advantage of racism, many White men can't enter this business) and made 8 movies in 3 years is one reason I look upon hitting 37 with pride.

Around early fall of last year, I decided that due to all the racism I was encountering, including from people refusing to show the diversity in my home of NYC, I was going to make March 31, 2008 my official date of retirement from the porn industry. That would make it 3 years exactly of being in the industry, because my very 1st porn gig was a live solo show on Showguys.com on April 1, 2005 - the day after I turned 34. So if you're glad that I'm sticking around a little bit longer, join me in giving a BIG THANKS to Ben Marksman of KnightStick Films, the guys at Forbidden Funk Media, and Will Clark for putting me in touch with Forbidden Funk Media, as well as some others that I'm planning things with now.

Believe it or not, that is not the most important part of why I'm taking pride in my turning 37.

The main reason is one that may seem simple to many, but it's the simple fact that I'm alive.

For centuries, men and women of all ages have been committing suicide because parents and people in their environments have used various convictions to make them feel as if their individual nature of being attracted to people of the same gender made them unacceptable in the eyes of society or even more so, the eyes of God. This has for centuries led many to not even reach half my age. I was one of those brought up to nearly make that my fate, and the homophobia that Black and now ignorance of hip-hop culture I grew up surrounded by was no help at all. In fact, it made me suicidal for at least 15 years of my life. Many who contemplate suicide don't go a year before making their suicide a reality, so to be alive by finding myself and overcoming that more than a decade later is something I see as a great blessing from God.

I now look at the scene from "Superman: The Movie" when Jonathan Kent tells a teenage Clark Kent, "....you were sent here for a reason", as God talking to me. I don't think God sent me here on earth to do gay porn, but I do believe he sent me here to share the gift of writing he gave me, and instead of playing bobble-head doll like so many before me (and in some cases still do), I can finally be the voice of the underdog, and let my actions and words say to them, "You're alright. You'll be a spectacular and worthwhile existence if you just be yourself." I think gay porn was put in my path as a stop along the way, and it was up to me to make it into something - be it positive or negative.

And I hope I have made it into a positive. I used this blog as a way to show my pride in my sexuality. That's why I have so much disgust towards sites like SeanCody and CorbinFisher's Amateur College Men, and companies like Latino Fan Club with their disclaimer of how their actors' actions don't indicate their sexual orientation. These actions risk putting people back to where I once was. Some may consider my taking this strong a stand laughable, but when you've struggled with your sexuality the way I have, as a worthwhile existence of a human being, inspiring others to be honest with themselves and do actions to show such honesty should become your priority. I'm not saying that to everyone should show pride in their sexuality by doing porn. I am saying that you should show pride in your sexuality by having sex on and off camera that is true to your sexual orientation, and that by no means includes sex "on the DL". Because that along with anything else is showing cowardice in facing who you are.

So I hope that 37 years have given me knowledge that I don't take for granted, and I show that I don't take it for granted by sharing it with you. THANK YOU ALL for your past, present, and continued support. Until next time....

Word Of Advice: DP Me

As some of you know, I have some blog entries tagged "Word Of Advice" where I give advice to the up-and-cummers who are looking to get into the adult industry. Well, there's a twist to this entry with that tag.

This time - I want the word of advice.

I believe with thanks to the repressive mindset of America, I get very turned on by group sex. You know as they say, "the more, the merrier". With that in mind, I am very turned on by being in orgies and trains. Especially being in the middle with sexual energy hitting me from the front and back. So it shouldn't surprise you to learn that I want to be a bottom in a double penetration. I love the thought of being engulfed in the sexual energy of 2 hot guys, and being the bottom in a dp makes me the vessel to connect the 2 of them to each other. Which leads me to the word of advice that I'm seeking.

With my reputation of having a much-loved tight hole, how do I become a bottom in a double penetration, and still maintain having that much-loved tight hole? More importantly, is that possible?

The main things I want to know are:
1)What must I do to prepare for such a feat? Should I just relax myself to take on 2 cocks, using a great deal more lube? I use enough to open my tightness up as it is.
2)Will my continuing my practice of Kegels bring me back to my original tightness?
and lastly,
3)If so, how long after doing a double penetration should I wait before bottoming again?

If any of you can give me advice on this, I would greatly appreciate it. Please post your true testimonials here, and I'll take them all into consideration. I plan on using them to help me in possibly letting you see me take this on in a future feature.

Playgirl's Low - Going Straight For Pay

In recent post, I have made it very clear of my disdain for the idea of "gay-for-pay". Therefore, it should be no surprise to you of how disappointed I am in Playgirl for the recent Fire Island issue featuring gay porn stars such as Ben Andrews, Aaron King, and my scene partner from Oh Boy Escorts 2, Jay Nash (Jamal in the magazine). I am aware that Playgirl has used gay porn models before, but going creating videos and interview with these guys claiming what they like in their fantasy woman is going too far. I don't know most of them, but I have read up enough on most of them in the past, or been a part of events where they were appearing to be aware that practically none of them have come out by way of behavior or flat out saying it like I have and claimed in any way to be bisexual.

I'm bothered by this to the point that while I find most of these guys attractive, when I look at that Fire Island issue, I go past those pages. No matter how great a photographer's eye, while seeing these guys creating such delusions of grandeur is one way I don't want to see them. So what bothers me about this most are not the male readers of Playgirl magazine, but the knowing that women are fantasizing about these guys thinking they have a chance because of what they say in these videos and interviews.

There aren't many adult publications geared towards a female audience. Therefore with a female as the editor, Playgirl should have known better than to induce any falsehoods into a woman's fantasy. For many people, male and female, resort to fantasy because their reality is full of people who lie to them completely. The words coming out of most mouths having not 1 grain of truth to them. So I give credit to magazines like Men, Unzipped, and FlavaMen who may feature a straight man, but not give us the illusion that we could actually have sex with them by having them lie in an interview about what they like in a guy. They allow us our fantasy, and make it known that if you ever come face to face with him, that it can only be just that - a fantasy with no chance of becoming real. A perfect example in FlavaMen was their recent cover model, Axl. I find him extremely attractive, enjoy the fantasy of being with him, and he's well aware of his being the object of such fantasies being that he's posing in a magazine viewed mostly by gay and bisexual men. And I have the utmost respect for that honesty. I respect it to the point that I would enjoy seeing him showing his true sexual nature of being with a woman. Playgirl needs to follow that lead, and while they are free to feature gay men, they should allow the woman to create her own scenario while being fully aware that she's admiring the beauty of a gay man. A man whose sexual nature makes him impossible for her to have in all reality.

Some may look at the adult industry as ONLY a business, failing to realize how much this business can be a help to some. In fact, part of the reason I got into the adult industry was because it was my way of putting my pride in my sexuality on display. Then writing this blog became an additional small way for me to help those struggling with their sexuality (like I was) be they young or old, feel free to be themselves as I do now. So my dislike of sites like CorbinFisher and SeanCody featuring "gay-for-pay" models is not because of the sex, which I will admit for the most part is hot (Guys, it's sadistic, not hot to see a guy in pain from taking a cock in his ass). It's their racism and their marketing, because they don't encourage gay or bi men closeted to themselves to take pride in their sexuality, they encourage gay or bi men closeted to themselves to hide their sexuality, and stay closeted to themselves.

The reason I brought this up is because Playgirl's recent move with this issue does no better. These guys were not allowed to take pride in their homosexuality. They lied to the females who may adore their beauty into believing that an encounter could really happen. While it's good that Playgirl finally admits to having a gay male audience with the introduction of Playgirl Blue, lying to their female audience is not the way to go. To re-iterate what I said earlier, the reason some of these women may be resorting to fantasy is because so many men actually in their lives have lied to them. For the sake of humanity, (and to the editor of Playgirl Magazine, for the sake of womanhood) even though we are in the business of fantasy, shouldn't we give the audience some grain of truth in their lives so they don't live a life of complete delusion that everyone's a liar.

What pains me about writing this blog post is that I have been a fan of Playgirl years before coming to terms with my sexuality. So now, with my prospective changing by my taking pride in my sexuality, Playgirl recent acts disappoint me. And I feel everyone who takes pride in their sexuality AND respect the sexuality of others should feel the same. It is those who are desperate enough to live their lives with the "I'll take what I can get" mentality that will lower themselves to find this form of adult entertainment acceptable. I hope Playgirl and others considering a move like this will realize the message their actions send out, and not do this again.

A Dirty Ho @ Ho-Down

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February 27th With A Possible Taste....

This past Wednesday, I was guest co-host at Will Clark's Porno Bingo along with drag personality Amanda Takehometomother. It was a night to benefit the NY Gay Pool League. An exceptional amount of money has been raised at Porno Bingo this year so far. Somewhere around $4450. So Will Clark had the desired goal of reaching $550 by the end of that night, which would make it more than $5000 raised at Porno Bingo in just 2 months.

During past Bingo games, the Pornstar du Jour would auction off his underwear. I never knew it if was Will's suggestion or the pornstars themselves, so either way I figured that I've done Porno Bingo enough times, that I should have done it by now, so I took the initiative and suggested it. I'm glad I did, because at first glance at the small crowd, I didn't think we would make that $550. Luckily between the Bingo card sales, the raffle by the NY Gay Pool League, and the auction, somewhere over $550 was made. To my surprise, the jockstrap auctioned off for somewhere beyond $100. I guess my fetish for skimpy underwear paid off. And those of you who missed it, you really did miss out - TRUST ME. Just ask the winner of the auction. He got an even better view than the crowd when he took the jockstrap off of me.

So I was pleased by how the night turned out. Especially with a friend of mine (many thought was my boyfriend) and Ben Marksman, producer/director of Knight Stick Films' ALL OUT ASSAULT coming out to cheer me on. And I'm looking forward to this week's Bingo as well, being that it will reunite me hanging with Kris Landherr, who was a Porno Bingo regular when he lived up here. It also marks the Porno Bingo debut of Victor Steele. And if my past experience of being around Victor is any indication of the evening, it should be a very lively night.

I'll elaborate on this, and you'll love this story.

Me and Victor know each other mainly by working a couple of Daniel Nardicio's parties. Victor can be best described as having a mischievous child-like energy, and if you put that in a pornstar - brace yourself. Especially, during 1 night of him go-go dancing at The Cock. I went there after my last guest appearance at Porno Bingo last month, and saw him there. I was leaning on the bar, because even though at the time, it was a small crowd full of open space, the desperadoes were still trying to cop a feel, so leaning against the bar became my only safe haven.

With Victor Steele in the room - remember "mischievous child-like energy" - safe haven, my ass.

I have often spoke of my psychic connection to people, and I knew the second he got on that bar, that if he saw me, I was in for it in some kind of way. And as usual, I was right. I thought that if I had my back to him, when he came to where I was, I was safe. Can you say "FUCKIN' WRONG"? With my back turned, when he got behind me, I could feel his focus on me. Then I felt something like a stick wrapped in cloth tapping me on my head. As I took note of the texture of this stick, I realized that this stick was in actuality Victor Steele's hard dick through his underwear.

Yes, you read correct - VICTOR STEELE'S HARD DICK.

Now, of course all attention is on Victor. After all, he's the go-go boy, that's expected. But now, attention was focused on me as well, with people wanting to see how I was going to react. Now this may surprise you, but I was actually embarrassed. Although, with the combination of my skin tone and the lighting at The Cock, that strange shade of purple is quite hard to see. I will admit that I was flattered by the fact that Victor wanted to have fun with me like that.

Like I said, if that's any indication of what we can expect this Wednesday night, they'll be some funny stories to tell. Even more so because this Wednesday, we'll be celebrating Will's birthday. Maybe Victor can give Will a few birthday taps. HaHa! You never know. So come by Wednesday night, and see if we can egg them on to make that happen.