Girls...Ew!

I’ll get to the title later, because I don’t have much good to say regarding what brought it about. So I’ll start with the good stuff that kind of led up to it.

I went to the most recent NYJP/GBU Boxers & Briefs Party. Who did I see but the muscular hottie from “Muscled Cocks And Ass From The Past”. I was at the bar in my underwear, and kept glancing back but wasn’t sure if he was looking at me as well. Well, while standing there, I felt a firm hand squeeze my ass. Now if you’re a hottie, squeezing my ass makes me quite easy. Easy to the point that if you have a hard-on, a condom, and lube when you do it, then depending on where we are, you could fuck my ass right there with no argument from me. And at this underwear party, plus the hand belonging to this muscled stud, he had a shot at getting my tight hole wrapped around his cock right then and there. But he didn’t know that – then. Instead we sat at the bar for a bit, and finally got each other’s names. I was also able to discover that he's Russian.

Why is it so rare for American gay White men to make it public when they have a love for chocolate, especially when the chocolate is NOT big and brawny. That's should be a future blog topic. Anyway...

We were intensely into each other. While I have a thing for White guys with uncommon facial features (in his case, full lips), his intense attraction to me might have been due to either his liking men of color, by my being able to take and enjoy his savage style of fucking, or a combination of the two. He gave me his screenname from a cruising site, and I guaranteed him I wouldn’t forget.

To make a long story short, somewhere within my time with other guys (3 as a top and 5 as a bottom that left my ass cheeks feeling the plumpness of a workout), me and the muscled stud lost each other. But I still had that screenname so when I got home, I looked it up, and left my website and email address, as well as my phone number, and within a the week, he by the middle of the week texted me.

He told me about a SPAM (Sex Party And More) party taking place on that Saturday night. It's a party only for both men and women of the LGBT community - no straight people. As it turns out, we're both some degree of bi.

Now you may recall Steve. He was looking for a sex party, so I passed the info from the muscled stud along to him in an email. The email response I got from him was this:

are there going to be girls there? ew!

So with the hopes that I misunderstood his tone, and he was just joking, I explained to him that the women do their thing and he does his. Because otherwise I was going to become immensely pissed off at him, but also myself for allowing someone into my sexual circle who doesn't deserve the degree of sex appeal I believed them to have.

Before writing this post, I sent him an email just to be sure that I didn't misunderstand. This is just like I said why I hate constant text and emails, because tones can get misconstrued. Unfortunately that wasn't the case here, because when I asked Steve about that reply, his response was simple with no joking tone:

I am not attracted to women.

With this response, Steve sex appeal has now plummeted. Because narrow-mindedness is a major turn-off for me in a lover, fuck buddy, or a friend, and depending on the subject matter that one is narrow-minded about is what will be the deciding factor as to whether of not you're worth being in any circle of mine. And because of this, as a fuck buddy, he's out. This doesn't look good because he's already borderline as a friend for him saying the polite thing about my friend Michael Carmine DiBianco's show, SHOWBOY to my face, but via the chicken shit method of text messaging, he was reminiscent of someone he dated - Tyson Cane - TOTALLY TACTLESS. Makes you wonder why they didn't go running off into the sunset together.

I always explain why I feel the way I do on a matter, and this time is no different.
When I read that "are there going to be girls there? ew!", my 1st thought was, "How the fuck old are you, 5?"

What was most troubling to me about Steve's response which is why I asked him if he was joking was him saying, "ew" in mentioning women. That is an infantile response if I ever heard one that plays into the negative stereotype about gay men being immature. It's also as infantile as the mentality that makes hip-hip niggas (not men) refer to women as "bitches". Like 5 year-olds screaming, "Ill, cooties!" And you should all know by now how I feel about stereotypical people. You can want to be in a sexual space with only men. You can have no sexual attraction to women whatsoever, but at least BE A MAN WHILE LACKING THAT ATTRACTION. Saying "ew" makes it seem like women are a flesh-eating disease to be in the presence of. Since that is not the case, it takes an extreme lack of manhood to not admire what women bring to our world. For one, without women me, you, Steve and every narrow-mind that thinks like Steve would not be on this earth. I would still have some respect for him, if it wasn't for that "ew!". If he simply said, "I prefer all male parties", he would have maintained a great deal of dignity.

The same goes for women who think that moronic way about males. Our genders are intertwined in a way that you won't be able to break for all eternity no matter how hard you try. And while I may not be totally sexually attracted to women, knowing their worth to our being is why I can share a space with them, even a sexual space. For sex plays a big part in an adult's life. I mean, how often have you just needed a good lay to relieve your tension over something totally non-sexual? I've seen it happen quite often to people, including myself. So I can be in a room with women having their own sexual pleasure while I have mine with a man. Revelling in how both genders are having their tensions released. If not together physically by having sex with each other, at least together spiritually by sharing a space.

Unfortunately, there are waaaay too many gay Americans who share this sentiment where they don't like to share a space with the opposite sex. My feeling is that all sex is beautiful - be it straight, gay, lesbian, or bi. As long as it's between consenting adults, it's all good. I don't have to participate in what they are doing, and I don't mind being in the same room as what they're doing either. I admit that when I come across a lesbian scene on a porno, 9 times out of 10 I skip to the next scene. BUT at least I'm aware that it's a beautiful thing, and that 1 out of 10 times that beautiful thing does catch my eye and make me want to watch. And usually not for arousal purposes. It's just simply to see the beautiful act that is sex from some other gender besides my own.

Too many Americans want to be surrounded by what they call, "their own", and gay American men seem to live by that self-destructive code more than anyone else. It is the reason why centuries later racism is still alive and well in this country. Why do you think so many industries (including the porn industry) are suffering right now? Because that separatism has reached a boiling point. And the same will probably happen with the separatism leading to secular lives over gender and sex.

You would think that since being gay is already considered taboo in many circles, that gay/bi Americans would be more open-minded to the beauty of sex from all orientations. More so than a heterosexual. But based on Steve's statement, and how many of you probably sadly share his sentiment, our progress of acceptance will be stalled thanks to that brand of thinking, because in order for us to progress we have to first see the beauty in our differences. Be those differences, ethnic, geographical, physical, etc. And I know I'm not the first to say this in one form or another, but I must repeat it because it's a truth that you can't dispute.

Fuck A Prize-Winning Ass

Whenever I entered the Ass Contest at The Urge in New York City , I was sure after showing off my ass that it would be easy to get a hot guy’s cock to place in between my ass cheeks.

Seems logical doesn’t it? You’re horny, and you get to feast your eyes on some bare ass of a hottie without spending so much as a penny. OR you’re not horny until you see that bare ass. Spending money may come into the equation if you want to go further by playing with that ass, instead of just gawking at it while it’s on stage.When I entered the contest back in 2004, I saw someone who seemed willing. The problem was that the feeling wasn’t mutual on my end. So I ended up going home alone, back to Brooklyn where I was living with Mom at the time, and there was no same-sex company allowed for me. However, these past 2 times I’ve entered the Ass Contest, not only have I won it with this most recent time ending in a tie, but I left the Urge with a hottie ready, willing, and able to please me with some dick.

The 1st of these 2 times, was from my post "Urge 'N' My Ass Again". What I left out of that story was how I left with a couple of guys visiting from out of town who saw me in the contest. There was no intention of a 3-way, and no 3-way occurred. The guy hitting on me was a mix of Asian/Latino and something else. I was sitting near him before the contest, and neither him or his friend said a word to me. So it's like after the contest, my bare ass is revealed, and all of the sudden my ass is a must-have.

We went back to their hotel room, and I was taken into the bathroom. We did it doggy-style and then we changed positions where he sat down so I could ride his dick. Besides liking the feel of his dick, what made the sex hot was the fact that he was so loud. You see, I love it when a top is just as or more verbal than me. Most tops, especially Americans, tend to be so quiet without so much as a good moan and groan. That's probably another reason I'm single is because hearing verbal displays of pleasure coming ONLY FROM ME becomes a big turn-off real fast. I mean, WE"RE FUCKING DAMNIT! I like your cock and you like my ass! Let not just me, but US make some fuckin' noise that says "This is some epic sex!".

This most recent win was a trip. First off, all of the other guys seemed nervous because they didn't know what to do. I told them that they just simply drop trou, show their bare ass, and the audience votes - that's all. When I told then that I did it before, they thought that alone was going to make my win. But they really though I had it cinched when one of them ask me did I win, and I admitted that I did win - both times. I however thought that night I was going to pass over my crown when this tall, muscular, hot Hawaiian living in San Fran with obvious junk in the trunk showed up. And I didn't hesitate to tell him that. Well, that night all of our predictions proved correct for the most part, because I did win like the others were predicting. But the crowds applause was so close, that they declared it a tie, so as I predicted, the Hawaiian hottie won as well.

Now I didn't want to fuck his prize-winning ass. But I wouldn't have minded groping it while he gave me some of that thick dick of his. But that's not the fuck session that happened that night.

After the contest, I went to sit across from where I was sitting beforehand, which was near this thick-eyebrowed blond cutie who before the contest, paid me no mind at all, because he set his sights on the go-go boy, Shay. Well after the contest, I seemed to become more appealing. He looked over at me, and gestured for me to come by him. I didn't move until I decided to go to the bathroom, and tease him by walking past him. We exchanged glances as I walked by, and he followed me into the bathroom. Too bad it was winter, and too bad I was alone. Too bad it was winter, because I was wearing my long trenchcoat. And too bad I was alone, because when I went to the bathroom, with it being NYC, you don't leave a nice coat like that unattended, so I was wearing it as I took a piss. The blond guy came up behind me and started feeling me up. I just smiled, reached back for a squeeze of his thighs (I'm also a bit of a leg man), zipped up, washed my hands, and went back to my spot.

That wasn't the end of the staring match. It wasn't with the blond, another round just started with someone else. As much as I would have liked it, the blond didn't get to tap my ass.

This someone else was a French cutie. I noticed him watching me, and I went over to him. Funny thing is I had to pass the blond to get to the French stud. We started pretty quickly getting physical. He kept feeling my ass, and I kept slipping my hands down the back of his pants to feel his. We left Urge to go back to his hotel, and he gave me just what I wanted. Besides a gorgeous face to look at. Besides a nice body to massage. Besides a soft ass to grope while his nice cock gets massaged to a happy ending by both my mouth and asshole - not once, but twice. The additional way he gave me the fuck that I wanted is by him giving me sounds. Sounds to know that he liked the prize-winning ass that he brought back with him. And for that, I didn't dare to hold back in giving him the same in return, because for those sounds, he deserved knowing of his prowess.

It may seem arrogant of me to talk about my ass this way. Believe me, I know that I'm a lucky man to have a much liked ass at my age, so I don't take what I have for granted. I'm just having some good, safe, fun. And I hope you're doing the same.

Tré's Facebook Hgh School Reunion

I got reunited with someone from high school as only I could via Facebook.

I went to my Facebook home page to find that I had 2 new friend requests. One of them I recognized the name right away. It was a friend of mine from high school, and I haven't talked to anyone from high school since graduating. He sent a message along with the request simply saying my legal 1st name with a question mark.

I accepted his friend request and replied with this message:

Yes, it's me. i was wondering if anyone from our graduating class was ever going to see that about me.Tré Xavier is my stage name, for if you read my profile, (then you read correct) I am among other things, a gay porn actor. Right now, what has made me most popular is my blog, Tré's X-Ray Vision.

The reason I was wondering if anyone from our graduating class would see it is because I did actually put down my high school and graduating year on my profile. Now all this time later, I've been found out by a former classmate.

Not long after my reply, we started chatting. He said he knew I was gay, before he knew that he himself was. I didn't go into all the details of my being a predominately gay bisexual. After all, there was a Latina in high school that I had a major thing for named Lisa. I never made my feelings known to her. Some reasons I was always aware of, but now I'm sure that subconsciously I knew even then that if/when the right guy came along, she would be replaced in my heart. So I just told him that I thought back then that he might be gay, and how I didn't realize my orientation until 7 years ago. You see, Jonathan Knight of New Kids On The Block wasn't the only one I had figured out before figuring out myself.

He said that he just happened to look up people who were in our graduating class, came across my name, and had to get his high school year book to make sure it was me. So I asked him if I changed much. He said that in high school, I was a skinny thing, now all that has changed. What's funny about that is that I never saw myself as skinny back then. I always saw myself as fit. From my senior year of high school until now. Maybe that explains my recent shock when people tell me that I'm building up muscle. Such as how this past Wednesday, a go-go boy at The Urge with a body and ass to die for felt my chest and stomach and was impressed. Or a woman I met after this chat who said my body was hot because it was so small and firm.

I was running late meeting a friend, so I had to cut the chat short, even though I would have liked it to go on longer. Because this was so unexpected. Then again, how many times have I written about a situation that shows how the motto for my life should be, "Expect the unexpected"?

Plenty, I'd say.

Well, I most definitely plan on keeping in touch. Especially since he is here in New York. In fact, he said he might even show up at my open forum on March 20th by MACT/NY at the LGBT Center. If one of the personality traits that made him one of my few friends in high school still remains, then he might have quite an interesting question to ask me. But with him, maybe more than one.

Did You Lose This Coming Out?

While I'm turning 38 this year, you would think that I would have realized my sexual orientation sooner. But like for most people that come to that realization late in life, there is always one or more factors that cause that delay. In my case, that delay was caused by obeying the rules I was forced to believe are the Christian rules regarding sexuality.

Now before I go further, let me say to all atheists reading this:
This blog entry is not forcing my faith in God upon you. So out of respect for that, do not put your atheist rhetoric of "there is no God" in my comment section. Because you will find what you say quickly deleted. This post is for those who have, still do have, or are considering having a faith in God. If that is not you, and you don't want to risk finding yourself enlightened by what I say here, then leave this post now.

I do believe these rules were forced upon me, because during my inner-conflict and my thoughts of suicide, I always prayed to God, "If I have something to live for, please stop me."

Now here I am, still alive, well, and in a little more than a month, I'll hit the big 3-8. And I say it with no shame, the number 38. Why others who may have tried the same thing, yet are no longer with us is a question I can't answer. All I can do is use the reality that I'm alive to the best of my abilities.

I notice that many gays who have a religious background often give it up when they come out. I didn't leave religion behind when I came to terms with my sexuality 7 years ago, and still to this day maintain a relationship with God. I will admit that I don't go to church as often as I did about 7 years ago, but that's mostly because of my increased social standing makes me need my weekend mornings (and sometimes evenings) to rest. And that day just happens to usually fall on Sunday.

Many religious people show themselves to be their religions' own worst enemy. The ousting (and in some religions, all out killing) of out gay/bi members says nothing about God. It however say plenty about them.

For centuries, people who follow a certain religion have claimed that their act of ostracizing an individual was "God's will". Is it really God's will to distance himself from someone for loving another consenting adult? I don't believe so. That may be a Old Testament notion, but not a New Testament one. Once I realize that, plus the fact that while I had a sexual attraction to women, no matter how hard I tried by trying to make myself more religious, my even stronger sexual attraction for men wouldn't go away, I realized what was at play amongst the religious people who are so quick to point a "shame-on-you" finger at me.

It was, is, and always will be the age-old trick of people creating a diversion by making you look at others so they can hide their own flawed (maybe even more so soul-damaging behavior). I mean, just imagine what kind of skeletons are in Bill O'Reilly's closet. There's probably enough there that if you poured them into the Central Park lake, the lake would flood the streets of half of New York City. I will admit that my mother was one of those people. I am one of 4 children. All 4 of us born out of wedlock, with 3 fathers between us. Now before you pass judgement on her, like some insignificant bitches have tried, I will give her credit where credit is due. While most of the self-righteous Bill O'Reilly's out there are too busy working to really be parents (or do it only on weekends while the nannies they hire are the real parents of their children Monday through Friday), at least my mother was actually a parent there able to tend to her children.

I personally see no reason why gays pull away from God once they come out. If you acknowledge God's existence before coming out, why stop after. I feel if you stop, then all those religious people coming with their "holier-than-thou" attitude have won. Because while their "holier-than-thou" attitude shows them to be losers on the DL, you are an obvious loser for all the world to see by letting them make you walk away. Letting your staying put say, "What makes you better than me? Nothing. You are a flawed creature, just as I. God knows it, and loves me just as he loves you with all you flaws. So how dare you play judge, jury, and executioner over him? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! Now take that finger you're pointing at me, and stick it where you can get the needed jolt so that you'll see the light of right ---- in your mirror."

I'm not saying it's easy to do, but it does help me to know that I am a worthwhile existence by not letting religious hypocritical hate-mongers (e.g. unwed parents, rich parents letting nannies raise their kids, verbally and/or physically abusive heterosexual parents, etc.) dictate to me how because of my loving a man, God will not love me. Well in that case, God doesn't love a person who parents a child without a spouse. God doesn't love the rich parent who lets monetary greed make them push their responsibility of parenting on to someone for hire. Nor does God love the straight man or woman who verbally and/or physically beats down their loved ones, but as long your boinking is for straight sex, you're OK.

All that is straight up BULL!!!!

It's time for openly gay/bi men and women to reclaim how much God is our savior just as much as he is of any straight person. I've never let straight people claim God as being only their savior. Are you doing the same? And if not, what are you waiting for?

Finally Tastin' Chocolate

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DList Radio @Patricia Field

How was your Valentine's Day?

While I didn't make out with anyone special, I did find myself quite horny. I spent my afternoon with a friend at Daniel Nardicio's DList Radio live taping from Patricia Field's store in New York City. Daniel with Matthew Phillip has guest like Robbyne Kaamil, Michael Musto, and a runway show featuring burlesque artist including Dirty Martini.

However it was Randy Blue porn actor, Lucky Daniels, showing off his ass and sweat in that jockstrap that made me find myself horny.

The picture to the right is presently my computer's wallpaper on which I set the resolution to 1280 x 800. I resized it from its original resolution which is 2 times larger than what you'll find when you click on it. Although I'm sure all of you ass-men out there would appreciate this pic in either size.

Anyway, I had to go to this taping, because I missed when Daniel did it from the D train, which is a shame since that's the train line I live closest to. I also had to come out because let's face it, you can do more in an actual establishment than you can on a subway car. So I knew my eyes were going to see something ----exciting. From the pics above and after viewing the video below, I ask you, was I wrong?

Before I left the house, I had this feeling that I was going to get pulled into the going-ons there. And my 6th sense proved me right. I should be used to it by now. Vin Nolan used to do it to me all the time. Everytime I happen to see him at an appearance, I often found myself up on stage right alongside him and the other scheduled guests. This time my friend Lovari was the culprit. They had Nasty Pig underwear that they wanted some of the guys in the audience to model, and Robbyne Kaamil was going around trying to find victims....I mean, willing participants. She asked Lovari, and without my knowing, he motioned over to me claiming since I was "the professional". So when Robbyne came to me, I said sure. Because (1)how could I say "no" to Robbyne? and (2)any reason for an exhibitionist like myself to show their ass, I'm all for it.

There was another guy that they gave underwear to, but he remained dressed until they put us both on display in the store window. I turned around and saw all these cameras going off. One of those cameras was mine. I gave Lovari my camera after I got done taking pictures and video of Randy Blue porn actor, Lucky Daniels. I had no idea that he was going to use it to take pictures himself - especially of me.

I stood around for a good while wearing only that jockstrap. People kept coming by wanting to take my picture. After some time had passed, I decided to at least put my pants on. It was my way of acknowledging my place as a patron, therefore not taking any of the spotlight off of the scheduled guests. It seems that some people in the crowd thought differently. Because when I put my pants back on, people were still asking my to pose, and wondering why my pants were back on. Being that I wasn't a scheduled guest, I found this both surprising and flattering. I was especially flattered by the compliment from Nasty Pig's own, David Lauterstein saying that my wearing that jockstrap did his design justice.

This day was full of surprises. Because who do I see walk in not too long after I put my pants back on but one of the paralegals from my day job. He shares an office with a former supervisor of mine who knows about my being in porn, and that info was passed on to the paralegal. Not that I care, because like I've said here often - if you have to hide or be embarrassed by what you're doing, then you shouldn't be doing it.

For a single man on Valentine's Day, it was a great day. Besides, what is Valentine's Day but just another day. That might sound jaded, but after all, what makes a great day? Fun with friends, beautiful sights, and great entertainment brought on by life itself.

Photographic Evolution Towards 2009

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IT's Getting ----- BIGGER?!

I wonder will any of you believe this?

Recently, I was jerking off, and I realized something. My thumb seemed further away from my fingers than before while wrapped around my dick.

No joke, True story.

My first thought was that I was sleepy and having a delusion of grandeur, because I did just wake up when I started my jerk-off session. With that possibility in mind, I put it out of my head (no pun intended). But later on, the mood hit me again, I whipped it out, started jerking, and I noticed it again. I thought to myself, "Wait a fuckin' minute! I was in a 'just waking up' daze before, but now I'm wide awake, and my dick still seems thicker."

And it's been that way ever since.

I figured then that it must be true, because I have no reason to grumble about the size of my cock. I don't think it's huge or amazing, but real men do adore it. Especially lately when I go to a sex party, guys grab it, play with it, eager to suck it, then assume the position of a bottom, like I have for 80% of the 6 out of 7 years I've been sexually active. This past year (and especially the past 6 months), have been becoming more 50/50. So I'm less versatile bottom, and more strictly versatile. But actually since meeting Steve, while he's topped me way more than I've topped him, it's been 60/40 top's favor away from him. However, I've haven't had sex with him since my discovery of my slight growth in girth. So this is a secret between me and my readers, unless he's become a reader.

During my sexual encounters over the past 7 years, I have noticed that guys whose cocks aren't that thick or long usually are versatile bottoms or strictly bottoms. When I noticed this, I was at that point of being 80% bottom, so one part of my brain actually feared that if my cock didn't start poking some adult hole beside the grip of my left hand, then it was going to slowly but surely shrink. The other part of my brain said I was being foolish, to not be in a rush to top, and that it would happen in due time.

Well I guess my patience has paid off. But now, I can't fuck enough hole. Just about every guy I want to top me who has a nice ass, I often ask them if I can fuck their ass, even if for 1 minute. Just so my cock can experience the pleasure of that hole wrapped around it.

So what I'm wondering now is:

Is there some truth to my theory as to how this happened?

Do some guys' cocks really shrink, or not grow much due to lack of penetrating?

And has my sudden growth in number of encounters as a top led to a growth in the girth of my cock?

Hmmmm....I wonder.

But don't think I've lost my love for a hot guy's dick throbbing in my ass, OR my still unfulfilled desire to be double-penetrated. Well this Saturday is Valentine's Day. So----do a couple of hotties want to give me a temporarily wider asshole to match my wider cock as a Valentine's Day present?

Muscled Cocks And Ass From The Past, Part 2

In a recent post, I told of how I went to a NY Jock Party and had this big muscular hunk, fuck the shit out of me, and almost made me no good for someone that I saw there from my past who was of enough quality that I left with that person. Well, you were not fooled by the title, because while as promised this day's post is the conclusion of my "Sexual Awakening Anniversary:Lucky 7" series, you now have a clue of who that person from my past is. But first, let me tell you what led to that point.

I was walking around after the sweet pounding from the muscled hunk, and saw this face. A familiar face I've haven't seen in years, but was still hot as fuck - if it was really him. A tall, slim Asian cutie, that just walked by me not even noticing me. I figured that at some point soon we would wind up in close enough quarters where he couldn't help but notice me, if he was who I thought he was. But I felt no need to push it along, because I wasn't desperate for a reunion. I just thought it would be fun.

Not too long after, I this tall fit European came over to where I was playing voyeur. He stood in front of me with his back to me, and decided to back that thing up - right against my crotch. He was wearing a jockstrap, so when I looked down, I saw a pair of beautiful White buns with softness that felt like a sweet cushion against my jock-covered cock. And he cause my cock to grow more with every grind against it, to the point that I had to let my dick out of my jockstrap. I had to let my raging hard-on rub bare skin-to-skin against those sweet, juicy butt cheeks before I got a condom to stick my dick in between them to get engulfed by the warmth of his hole.

I fucked him in 2 different positions and places. He first laid on what looked similar to a massage table. We wound up looking like a reversal in positions of my scene in "Dillon: The One". Soon I knew I had to stop, because if I kept going, I felt that I was going to fill that condom with so much cum that it would break through condom. After I caught a breath, we decided to fuck some more. This time, I bent him over a chair and hit it from the back. Then the tall Asian returned and got his cock sucked by the European. While I was pounding the Euro-hottie's ass, I got to see if this Asian was really who I thought he was.

And it was him - the guy I lost my virginity to.

The Euro wanted to take a break, so I went back to being voyeur watching some other patrons. Evidently, the Asian had the same idea. He at one point wound up next to me, and started feeling my crotch. I reached out for his smooth skin, and it made me want to take this as far as he wanted to go. Well, I was hoping that he wanted to fuck. And wanting to fuck, he did. He didn't realize who I was yet, but I didn't care. I sat down on the sofa, he got a condom, and took a seat on my cock. He started riding me and it felt so good. He had a nice tight hole, and rubbing his smooth skin while he was riding my dick only made me want more. My cock slipped out of him, and I was glad, because I wasn't ready to shoot my load just yet. He sat next to me on the sofa, and we started talking.

We kept telling each other how hot we thought the other one was. Then he invited me over to his place. That's when I broke the news to him of how we've met before, and in that past meeting, he became my first. He looked in shock, then the more he stared at me, it started coming back to him. He remembered how shy I was back then, I then told him about how he didn't know me as Tre then. He asked me why I changed my name, and I broke the news of how Tre is my stage name - for porn. He was in shock, but like many, enjoyed the fact that he was leaving with a "pornstar", as he put it.

I felt bad about leaving the Euro-hottie behind. Who knows, if I suggested it, the Asian might have thought it would be cool to have a 3-way. But I wanted to settle something with this reunion. So to my surprise, I left the party early.

We got to his place, and immediately went at it. Shirts thrown wherever, pants dropped to the floor and kicked off to the side, and quick massages of the cock and ass through underwear, before it quickly became uncovered cock and ass. We sucked each other's cock like we were babies trying to get the last bit of milk from their mother's tit. And in truth, we did want some kind of milk - Papi's milk. He then took hold of my cock. I love when a guy does that to me. He wet it up with lube, then put on the condom, and what I wanted to settle with this reunion was about to be settled.

For those who remember my tale of that 1st time, you may recall how he wanted me to top him after he topped me, but my nervousness prevented me from doing so. That was not the case tonight. Just like at the NY Jock Party, he squatted down onto my cock and started riding. As much as I loved the sensation of his soft hairless ass bouncing against my groin, I wanted a change. So I got up, and put him on his back. I was trying to stay inside him because I didn't want his inner-warmth wrapped around my cock to go away, but it did at the last second. But I quickly put it back in, and what started as slow strokes in and out, quickly became hard thrusts into him. Thrusts that make that slapping sound of groin to ass that I love, because it means that every last inch of that cock is being thrust inside that bottom with a passion. So much passion that he had pre-cum and fed it to me while I was pounding his ass.

I hadn't come, but I knew if I kept at it I would, so I pulled out. I sat on my knees, and he lunged for my dick, and start sucking it while laying on his stomach. Which led to the beautiful sight of his 2 round ass mounds. I couldn't help but start massaging them while he pleasured my cock, and feeling that ass only made me grow more while in his mouth. But that didn't mean I was going to start fucking him again. I laid down on my back and let him fuck me.

He then pulled out, and we both jerked off until we came. I loved the thought of seeing his cock up-close while he shot his load, so when he asked if I wanted it on my face, I gladly obliged. And he came all over my face. As much as it was, it's surprising that none of it went in my eye. I guess being born with long eyelashes paid off, because the next morning, that's where it was - all dried up. So I didn't wind up screaming the famous line from the movie "Trick" - "It burrrrns!"

After seeing the sight and feeling the warmth of his load, I then shot mine, and it reached up to the top of my chest. We both then collapse, and he invited me to stay the night. Hence how I found the dried cum in my eyelash the next morning before I left.

He fucked me for a tad 7 years ago, now I've fucked him here, I fucked him there, then it closes full circle by him fucking me for a tad again. So what I wanted to settle had at long last been settled - me finally giving this guy what he wanted, and what I wanted as well - my cock in his ass. You know what they say, "Better late than never". I hope for him 7 years late never felt so good, as it did for me.

Pics from SPANK's SEX Issue release party

Hi there,

SPANKzine posted some pics from last night's Sex Issue release party at The Hose on their blog.

http://spankzine.wordpress.com/2009/02/08/pix-spank-sex-issue-release-party-at-the-hose/

Interesting fact:
At one point while posing with another guy, we changed positions where I was standing and he was leaning back. The guy was HOT and I started to get a hard-on. What made it even hotter was to learn that my dayjob and where he works is in the same area. Talk about small world. But there was going to be nothing small if I didn't hold my breath so I wouldn't get a full-saluting boner. If you weren't there, too bad you missed that

Jonathan Was One Sign 7 Should Be 20

In past posts, I have mentioned my age, but I don't recall the last time I referred to a person or era that would surely prove my age of 37 going on 38. Well, there's a 1st time for everything.

I just recently found out that there have been news items since August saying that New Kids On The Block member, Jonathan Knight is gay. To refresh some memories, and enlighten some not in the know, New Kids On The Block were like the Beatles of the late 80's to early 90's. That makes my age at the time between 17 and 19. Well, this news about Jonathan doesn't surprise me. So you're probably wondering what does this news have to do with a blog series celebrating the 7th anniversary of my sexual awakening?

It's because while I'm celebrating my 7th anniversary of my realizing my sexual orientation, my lack of surprise over this news about Jonathan Knight shows that by now, I should be celebrating AT LEAST my 20th anniversary - not my 7th.

I will explain.

Yes, I was a fan of New Kids On The Block. Enough to have their pictures on my wall from all the magazines gear towards teenage girls like Bop! and TigerBeat, as well as have the photobook entitled, "New Kids". Not enough to own the dolls. But regardless, my favorite was always Jonathan Knight.

While I thought Donnie Wahlberg was ruggedly handsome, and Jordan Knight, Joey McIntyre, and Danny Wood were fuckin' hot, the movie in my mind where I was about to have sex with any of them always turned to snow when it got to the point of so much as a kiss with any of them. But that was not the case with Jonathan. Imagining myself being the groupie who get the pleasure of being boinked by the popstar was a movie scenario that played out with no technical difficulties. Any shirtless pic showing off his tall, slim frame worked for me. I see now that even back then (1) I had a thing for tall, slim guys; but more importantly (2)I was obviously more gay than straight, because while I did have my eye on a girl at the time, thoughts like this about Jonathan Knight and others consumed me more.

With this news revelation, my being so drawn to Jonathan Knight so long ago shows that:

(1) gaydar does exist. I was always skeptical of that, but this has made me a believer; and

(2) my gaydar is so strong that I was able to pick out a gay man way before I knew for certain that I myself was any degree of gay. So the next time I get an inkling about someone, I need to pay attention.

It's funny how a tale about someone can lead to you learning about yourself. After 7 years of defining myself as a predominately gay bisexual, it's amazing how stories about Jonathan Knight being gay makes me realize that I'm late at coming to my realization by at least 13 years. At least I can say that there is no girlfriend or wife brokenhearted by years of me lying to myself, or children born out of those lying times.

Well as they say, "Better late than never".

Big Tools Of The Cowards

In my 7 years since realizing my sexuality, 2 things that I abhor beyond words are constant texting and emailing by prospective lovers. Actually, I've grown to hate it when it's that much from friends as well.

The reason I hate it so much is because it is a clear sign of an emotional cripple. Remember, I've had plenty of those. To my most loyal readers, do the names Igor or Danny ring a bell? People who text and email so constantly are people incapable of real intimacy. They live their lives feeding off the illusion of it, and if they take up with someone as emotionally damaged as themselves who find that constant texting and emailing OK, they never emotionally progress. With that in mind, for someone like me who craves constant emotional growth, these type of guys are beneath me for a romantic relationship, and questionable for a lasting friendship.

I first became aware of what constant texting and emailing told about a person by my involvement with Danny. He would always initiate a texting session. My replies would sometimes get to a point where anyone who is emotionally stable would know that an actual conversation is necessary. It wouldn't always be about a trouble point in our involvement. It could just be the fact that I need to vent about something that happened during my day, or he would text me something that anyone with common sense could tell that the next text from him or me was going to be something that needed too much depth to be texted. This was actually the cause of many of our arguments that I got sick and tired of having. And I grew tired of being sick and tired.

Just a little update for you.
I started working on this post last week. I went out a night or two after, and saw Danny in midtown Manhattan. I knew this was going to happen because I have been having too many memory flashes of him lately. I wear glasses, but suspected from a good distance that it was him. We walked towards each other, got closer, and while passing each other, it was confirmed that I was looking at Danny. We never said anything to each other, just like the times I saw him on the PATH train. And why would I waste my time doing so when some things obviously have not changed. Because what was he doing while walking in the blistering cold of that night? ----- TEXTING.

I've had other emotional cripples since Danny. And I gather that I'm in the midst of knowing another right now. The reason why say "gather" instead of "fear" about this person is because, after 7 years of long overdue socializing, and studying people in the process decades before that, I now know what I want.

I want MEN in my life. One as my lover, and the others as my friends.

I want someone who isn't afraid to call me on the phone and say, "Let's get together.'

I want people around me who are honest enough individuals that they don't want, or need to hide behind a text message or email, because their faces won't tell a different tale than their words.

With a text message or email, typos can cause misunderstandings, tones can get misconstrued, and you can't see the tell-tale signs on their face, or the quiver in their voice that shows they're lying. Why do you think sites like ManHunt are so popular? In my 7 years out, I've come to realize that these sites are custom-made for these emotional cowards. So much so that ManHunt should be called ChickenHunt.

Because the sound of your voice, and more importantly, the sight of your face are tools used by those brave enough and man enough to display intimacy in their interactions. And that's why I call text messages and emails "the big tools of cowards". Because constant text messages and emails rob your relationships of that needed intimacy. Be that relationship with a friend or a significant other, a constant email or text sender is AT LEAST 90% of the time an untrustworthy individual.

I never write anything here that I am not willing to say to one's face. Most writers can't make that claim. That's actually the reason why they are writers - so they can say all the things they fear saying in some more intimate form.

So I'll leave all the habitual text and email senders reading this with a message that I have eventually said to the face of those that I have had the misfortune knowing:

You're sending so many text messages and emails shows that you can't deal with the intimacy needed to really be content (instead of fooling yourself with delusion that you are), and therefore be an emotionally progressive member of society. With that being the case, I must ask - since you keep hurting and disappointing people with your cowardly tools, WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?

SPANK 'N' Me

The magazine SPANK is on my friends list at Facebook. I always try to venture to the blogs of people on my friends list, and one day I did the same with SPANK.

I went to their blog, and scrolled down the page and saw one blog post that was actually an ad calling for models for their release party of Issue 11 at The Hose bar in NYC on February 7th. I responded to the ad, and they said they wanted me. As you know of me by now, that I'm pretty much up for anything, plus I've done this before at The Erotic Art Fair in 2006, then again when Daniel Nardicio had life drawing sessions at his briefly held Sundays at The Bijou.

Now while the ad asked for the models to take off most or all of their clothes off, which choice do you think I'm most likely to make? AND should I make that choice, what do you think is going to happen if a cutey is nearby to motivate a reaction? EXACTLY!

So for that night, I'm hoping some hard wood is put to work by my fellow artists - as well as from myself.

So Out That You Outgrow

As this day being 1 week before the 7th anniversary of my sexual awakening was approaching, I had a sad realization. I've noticed recently that I've seem to have outgrown some of the people who I met during those early years since my sexual awakening.

I believe what has happened is that at the time I met them, I was at a point where my identity or more specifically my place in the LGBT community wasn't set in my heart, mind, and soul to the point of me being self-assured. Now it is, and I seem to be constantly clashing over viewpoints with a couple of people.

While debating occasionally may be healthy for a relationship, IT IS NOT HEALTHY when it is constant, or when it insults a friend's known high degree of integrity.

The friend I had from work has become one of them such people. In recent months, when I stop by his office to have a chat with him, updating him on me, and find out about him, it seems we always end up in a debate that comes very close to being heated. You see, he is one of those gay men I have referred to in the past as "militant gays". He makes his being gay so much more beyond being just one's sexual preference. So much so the time a couple of years ago when he left the office Christmas party so soon after arriving because he "can't be around straight people too long". Or his disbelief in my self-proclaimed predominately gay bisexuality. Yet I can easily in detail recall how I once enjoyed the warmth of a woman's pussy wrapped around my cock, and being ready, willing , and able to do it again. So I'm forced to counter-attack his igonrance with the fact that while he's being so close-minded thinking there's no such thing as a bisexual, that there's plenty of right-wing conservatives preaching how there's no such thing as his homosexual self. I've had that argument enough on this blog. To be my friend, your thought process should be of both an open-mind and fact-oriented. This friend is not showing that.

He started working on my job after I had been there for about a year and a half, and I had only had my sexual awakening a month and a half before I started working there as a temp. So I did come to realize my sexual orientation when he came into my life. But I hadn't come to realize my exact place within the LGBT community. But what I am seeing now is that my identity in regards to the latter is now more solidified, and those personal standards that shape my identity, conflict greatly with his.

Am I sorry about this? Not at all, because I am proud of who and what I am, and the open-mindedness that I possess, but he's lacking. His mindset holds back the progress of straights, gays, and bisexuals coming together in situations that have nothing to do with as personal an issue as sexual preference, yet many let that hold us back from that progression anyway.

Another situation where I have outgrown someone's presence is within the industry. Once I got into the adult industry, I started my website, then felt the need to add a blog. Since I was a child, I have been complimented on my talent for writing, and I've mostly been writing songs and poetry since graduating from high school. Without realizing it, my starting my blog for my website gave me the chance to better my skills for writing essays on various subject matters. And my involvement with this person started not too long since entering the industry. So my identity is that respect had also not been grounded as it is now.

I believe that because of that now-grounded identity, I have been seeing in recent months that my writing style conflicts with that of the status quo. Such as how I stated in a previous entry how not naming names of the guilty parties is often no help to society, be that society based on lifestyle, country, or humanity overall. This goes against the journalistic status quo, especially in the gay community. I recently broke this status quo on behalf of this person who I felt did good on the gay community's behalf and I also thought was a friend. While I was anticipating their not being happy with what I wrote, I at least expected a small phrase of appreciation like "I appreciate you speaking on my behalf, but...".

I would have took that little bit of appreciation, and then a lecture. But instead I got a TOTAL lecture like I was their child. My expecting a small degree of appreciation was based on the code of ethics and decency that made me consider him as a friend in the 1st place. Yet what was said to me was how I have to learn ethics. Now I may have been wrong in what I told, but I at least should have been shown some appreciation for my taking a stand for this person, when they're being shunned while doing a good deed. Even if they disagree with my tactics, it's because of my "lacking" ethics that made me take the time to make that stand on their behalf. Because I am thankful for their support of me.

This has me wondering if the fact that I go against the status quo, yet have gained a great deal of respect of people in and out of the industry, has caused envy amongst those who do follow the status quo without them progressing much. Check out this email I recently received from Victor Hoff of MOC Blog:

"...I have to say I really admire your honesty. And its result: your newfound and well earned respect by the Gay Industry. Not that it matters, of course (or shouldn’t!) but you have challenged established institutions at precisely the time when their slow, inexorable end has arrived and you have become a leader of issues not a passive anonymous commentator. Congratulations, Tre. I’m very proud of you and your accomplishments and I’m honored to have you as a friend. Seriously. ..."

Is a response like this, why at a recent appearance I found myself mocked by the host after I said that I started my blog to be more than just the cute little pornstar, and I instead wanted to be seen as a pornstar with a brain? In response the host mimics a fan saying something along the lines of "You have a great face, and great body, and you have a really beautiful brain", in a cynical tone that made it seem (at least while being active in the porn industry) that being a pornstar and well-respected for your intellect was a foolish expectation.

Well based on the fact of how no laughs came from the crowd for that host's remark, emails like Victor Hoff's from people in and out of the industry, and people on the street telling me, "Keep doing what I'm doing", that expectation of being a pornstar well-respected for his intellect has proved to not be a silly one after all.

If my coming out of my shell and finding my identity, my place in the LGBT community, and most importantly, my place in this world has caused me to outgrow having some people in my circle because they are lagging behind in their mental progression, then I have no choice but to leave them be. Because while some take for granted the power of inner-growth, and don't put much thought into it (hence the need for my parting with the aforementioned), I crave for it like a drug. And it is a neccesity that I refuse to live without. Even if that means I will end up living like a hermit, instead of a socialite, because I will at least have the wisdom that makes me God smile on me.

Prologue of Sexual Awakening Anniversay: Lucky 7

As some of you may recall, February 9, 2002 was the day I realized my predominately gay bisexuality after years of masturbation as my only way to sexual pleasure. At this time, I was only a few weeks from turning 31 years old. As that night progressed, I met some guys who took me with them to have what would become a 5-man orgy. One of them would be the one I gleefully lost my virginity to. And being that it was quite a bit after midnight, (maybe even around the time, but not the date, of my birth 2:57 AM) that means February 10, 2002 is the day I lost my virginity. Exactly 7 weeks from my 31st birthday, which is March 31.

I plan on using all of the posts starting Tuesday February 3rd until Monday, February 9th as posts to celebrate the 7th anniversary of my sexual awakening.

Lucky 7, that is.

The posts will speak of the progress that I've seen of myself within these 7 years, and the pride I feel because of that progression. That's why I call them, Lucky 7.

One may be serious, another may be erotic, another may be something in between. All I hope is that I won't disappoint in entertaining and enlightening you with the knowledge I've gained over these past 7 years.

So please come back tomorrow. Until then, please continue on with a safe & horny weekend.