First off, I hate the MTA.
Leaving in the good enough time to get there, I wound being 20 minutes late. I hate being late, even whatever they called "fashionably late", whatever the fuck that means. Once off the subway, en route to the LGBT Center, I called my friend, Andrew who said he would be there, and he was. I told him to tell them that I was just a couple of blocks away, and that I'm very sorry I'm late. Being the good friend that Andrew is, he passed along the message.
Once I got there, I smiled and greeted the crowd. The host, Stanley was nice enough to let me catch my breath before we began. Being me, I caught my breath once I was at my point of destination, so not much of a further delay was needed.
Stanley asked me everything from my upbringing, to my growing up in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, to my coming out, to my start in porn, and all the many issues I have discussed here up to now. They were questions that I'm sure many of you have wanted to know the answer to in greater detail. Hence why I was encouraging you to come, because while I can give a very detailed description of something when writing, I go slightly even deeper beneath the surface in a one-on-one discussion.
One recent issue I was asked about was my most recent post regarding Michael Lucas. I elaborated at the Q & A in a way that I didn't elaborate on in that post, but did in my comments on MOC Blog.
I was also asked about the gay-for-pay issue. What I need to elaborate on is this, of all of my rantings on this matter, I don't believe that I have ever admitted to being a viewer of some of these "gay-for-pay" scenes. So my points have not been from a viewers perspective as much as they are from the perspective of an artist involved in the process. So here and now. I will admit as a viewer, I do get off on seeing some of these gay-for-pay performers in action. I am in absolute lust when I see Jeremy Bilding in action,
or either Harley or Trey from Sean Cody. With those bodies and the energy they fucks with, why wouldn't I? In Jeremy's case, he fucks both men and women with equal vigor, and with Trey, I always imagine how hot it would be to do a video of "Trey Fucks Tre".
BUT being in the industry as an artist involved in the process, I'm seeing it with a perspective that makes my initial lust take a turn. It made me think back to how at one time I was only a viewer uncertain of my orientation, yet knowing that I was a very sexual person, looking at gay porn because I had these feelings and wondering how comfortable can I be with those feelings. And I have to say, to some extent, watching gay porn helped me in my coming out. Thank goodness it was before porn companies went the stupid route of making "gay-for-pay" a genre, as opposed to the behind-the-scenes matter it once was. Because had that not been the case, I would have been so confused. I could have easily got married had kids by looking at these "gay-for-pay" performers who seem comfortable in living life on the down low. When they aren't, hence the reason for the substance abuse and violent streaks of many "gay-for-pay" porn actors.
Now some of you may be wondering why would you look at a porn actor as a role model? My answer is that from the producers, directors, to the cast, and everyone in between, we just like in mainstream entertainment are artists. And artists, we must take responsibility for our craft, by knowing the influence it may have on people.
Now some of you may be wondering why would you look at a porn actor as a role model? My answer is that from the producers, directors, to the cast, and everyone in between, we just like in mainstream entertainment are artists. And artists, we must take responsibility for our craft, by knowing the influence it may have on people.
This evening seemed to be very stimulating to the audience as well as myself. In fact, one comment from an audience member confirmed something I suspected for quite awhile. That some of my fans are more stimulated by me intellectually than they are sexually. And that is something I'm very appreciative of. It gives me a bridge between the underground porn is considered to be and the mainstream that most in the adult entertainment industry can't and never will be able to fathom.
Before I go, I must thank FlavaWorks for the copies of their Winter 2009 issue that they gave me, which featured my review of the erotic anthology, "Flesh To Flesh". As well as Forbidden Funk Media, for offering to give posters for me to give away. We kept missing each other which is why I didn't have them that night.
If I do one of these types of appearances again, I do hope you'll be there. I would like to meet as many of you as possible.
Wish I was there!
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