When I write a post about someone, especially when it's negative, I will inform the guilty party. Some might say this is me looking for trouble. The real reason I do this is because while I'm aware that I don't have the most popular blog in the world, it is still a small world nonetheless. With that in mind, I feel it is better for me to inform the person that I wrote about our conflict, rather has some gossiping queen come along and tell the person who is the subject of a post, "Child, guess what Tré said about you? Um-hm, I read it in his blog today. Girrrrl, you need to check it out and verify, child."
It looks better on me if I am the one who tells that person about the existence of that post, because it's me standing behind my words in that post with that action saying, "I wrote this about you because this is what you did. This is how I see you now. And whether or not you like what I said is of no relevance to me. What is relevant is that it's the truth."
I did S. Sparling no different after posting "Sex, Then Violence Resurrection". I sent him an email informing him about the post, and telling him how sorry I felt for him. He did reply, and the 1st sentences in his reply made me feel less upset about my lost of control. Not the fact that I slapped him, but the fact that as a self-control freak, I lost control. The sentences read:
"I did not say "nigger" and you completely missed any point I was trying to make. I already explained this to you the night you had your fit. It was a sarcaastic, nuanced political point I made that is still, and was, lost on your feeble brain."
First off, being "sarcastic" (when spelled correctly even by a schoolteacher) is meant to be humorous, and he was not trying to be humorous when he said that word. And secondly - what, he said "nigga" instead? From a White person's mouth to a Black person's face in a moment of conflict, that is not a word to be said in any context no matter how you spell it. Therefore, whatever negative reaction that Black person is incited to give that White person, is exactly what that White person deserves. Now, being that I am aware of that fact, who between us really has the "feeble brain"?
From that response of his, he has further incited my dark side whose extreme ways lead me to know nothing of compassion or human concern when it comes to his existence. So if that slap didn't give him a clue, the thought of the extremes it may take before he gets the clue, is no concern of mine. It's the concern of fate's now.
Sparling's stubbornness in this situation may very well be a product of him considering himself "educated". I did get one comment from "The Doc" that made me need to clarify this. Since the comments between us were so long, I'm sure many of you didn't read them all. With that in mind, I will re-iterated about what exactly I meant by condemning the term, "educated".
The way of using the word, "educated" that I am condemning is based on an American perception. An American perception where priding oneself much more so on book-smarts than life-smarts is a stereotypical White American trait. So the reason I'm condemn use of the word "educated" is because it was originated by those bigoted stereotypical White Americans, who throughout history have used the word "educated" to enable a feeling of superiority to those minorities who while not having a higher education, show they have a superior intellect by way of their knowledge of life overall.
I may be such a minority. As many of you have come to like my blog for my displays of intellect on life matters, I am proud to admit that all I have is a high-school education. With that combination, making me still well-read and well-versed are abilities which I'm sure is why I irk the nerves of many a stereotypical White person like S. Sparling.
In short, I believe we should pride ourselves on BOTH book-smarts and life-smarts. That is the reason that I have the friends that I have of all colors. Because while some have been through the higher education system, we have discussed this matter enough that I know for a fact that they understand my saying the word "educated" in that vernacular and agree with me.
So it seems, besides my wake-up call about this person, it seems some good came from this conflict after all. And that's the reason for my including the above pic I found of us. I put this picture in as a way for me to face my mistakes in judgement, but as I read and re-read this post, I will also always take pride in the lessons that are an aftermath of that misjudging.
ok? regardless if i get "flack" for this....like you, im gonna post my opinion. i feel that people use harsh words when they realize that they have no other argument or "come-back". they resort to things that they feel MAY get a "rise" out of you...its like a last resort thing.
ReplyDeleteyou and i have discussed this and feel that any of these hetated words are bad but i do realize that society (people) have desensitized words such as NIGGER! some poeple now use it as an endearing slang word. its a comfort thing....almost like if another gay person calls me a "fag" in an endearing way...its almost forgiven but if a str8 person calls me that (joking or not) i get that feeling of them not being ALLOWED to use that word towards me...almost like they havent EARNED the right to use it....
this is all weird to me. i feel he should have never used this but he did! for you to go zsa-zsa on him was an instinct and rightfully so. SHIT HAPPENS....let it go...its not who you are and something is telling me that its not who HE is either...just a bad situation.
blogging about it, even from your point of view is a good thing. atleast its brought up and out into the open...
i personally no longer get offended by certain words such as fag, queer, nigger, cracker....i mean...its done to death! right?
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteYour intentions are good in telling me to let it go, but until you understand FULLY the extremities of what that word from his mouth said to me, that's advice you should not give JUST YET.
First, let me re-iterate this point to you: I've made myself immune to hurtful words to the point that saying them to me is like shooting bullets at Superman. BUT Superman would feel something from a bullet if a tiny piece of Kryptonite was on its tip. And that's what that word was to me - a single piece of Kryptonite big enough to sit on a pen tip thrown on Superman's otherwise dense skin.
So NO, I also don't get offended by name-calling. But the word "nigger" insults a lot more about someone than the words "fag" or "queer". So if I was ever to be called that word, I figured it would not be by someone I had some degree of intimacy with. Because resorting to that word means a trust has been broken for he saw me as a color, before he ever saw ME - as a MAN.
So while I am in the process of letting it go, it's going to linger a bit before it's totally gone.
As if your integrity need be questioned. Ever.
ReplyDeleteTré,
ReplyDeleteI apologise for not writing earlier - I've been stuck at a conference for work and not been able to get to a computer to reply.
Firstly, I think you show a maturity which is lost on many when you inform people first. The world would be a very different place if more people did that.
Even without his attempt to clarify what was clearly a racial insult, his response is juvenile. His answer was "I was saying something which you're just not able to understand" is just stupid. If that was his point, then he needs to redirect his comment, or it's useless... he's a teacher, right? He should know that.
Besides. Assuming he said what you said he said (does that make sense?):
"You know, you're being real ghetto nigger right now"
Then there's nothing sarcastic, nuanced, political or pointed in there. It's just an insult.
Honestly, without meeting the man, given your portrayal of him, he's not coming across very well at all. For a man who prides himself on his 'educated' position, he's really not doing himself any favours.
I am also flattered that my comments have lead to a few paragraphs on your blog. After discussing your comments with others, I've learned that you are, of course, exactly right. One of the things about education which I strive not to do, is to use mine to make others feel inferior - for the simple reason that it doesn't. As mentioned in our dialogue, being formally educated doesn't mean you know what you are doing in the real world... just as much as someone with a wealth of life education/experience doesn't help much in a laboratory.
I think I mentioned that members of my family (particularly my grandparents) were NEVER educated formally - they didn't go to school at all. Yet they are some of the smartest people I know of... and for that reason, I know what you speak of, and I sympathise greatly with your comments.
Actually, something which came from our to-and-fro earlier was a re-newal of my personal difficulties with my own lack of decent life experiences.
I certainly have spent too much of my life in a book. Doesn't mean I think everyone else should though... and there is NO book learning on earth which would make S.S's comments appropriate. You did what I would have done in the same situation. I hope you get over your upset state soon.