I'm Open - So What's Wrong With Me?

As I was graciously coming closer to hitting 38 years old, I came to a realization about what many regards as “their preference”.

If you claim that you have no attraction to a person of a certain color or nationality, then I have news for you. That’s not because it’s your “preference” as many like to say. It’s because there is some degree of racism running through your veins, and you’re using the term “preference” as a cop-out. It is a cop-out that has gotten so far out of hand that it is the very reason why racism in the gay community has become an accepted way of life. No one will admit to it being accepted, because it is wrong to be racist, but it has without a doubt become accepted behavior.

I can say this because after overcoming my racism against other Black men, I find myself now open to being attracted to such a wide variety of colors. This made me ask myself, “What is so special about me? Why is it that I am open to such a wide variety, while others are so pathetically limited?”

And YES, I said pathetically limited.

The racism I had against Black men always bothered me. Not only because I’m a Black man myself, but even more so because I always saw it as a limitation on my outlook of life. I always felt that every human being should find visual, emotional, sexual, and cultural beauty in every color of human being God put on this earth. Therefore, to see that I had a limitation on what colors I saw beauty in troubled me, while it has always at the same time, troubled me to see that limiting view of beauty come from other people. Thereby, making myself into something I hate to see breathing – a hypocrite.

Circumstance taught me to dislike other Black men, thereby finding them to not have any beauty. I grew up in a predominately Black neighborhood with teachers (of all people) feeding me the concept of being "all about my blackness" for lack of a better term. This goes against what I was taught at home, and what my personal nature as an observer sees in the world around me. I knew early on that the kind of thinking those teachers were trying to teach me taught me nothing that I needed to be a worthwhile existence of a human being. At home, I was taught that in order to be a worthwhile existence, that the only race I should concern myself with first and foremost is THE HUMAN RACE. Not my blackness. With that kind of teaching, had I been White, then I wouldn't be about my whiteness as so many White Americans are. And being all about one's color and not their humanity is how the people of a nation become their own worst enemy, as many Americans are.

Unfortunately, I still run into Black people today who are still trying to feed me that same garbage as those teachers did. Luckily, I've matured, meaning that I became enough of an individual thinker to realize that all Blacks are just as much individuals as I am. You see, it's because of those words from those teachers and hearing those other Black students cheering and following it that brought about my racism towards other Blacks. That thought process is ugly to me, therefore the Blacks who followed it, which were many, became ugly as well - from the inside out.

Now that I come to see all Blacks as individuals, I have opened myself up to the fact that there are some Blacks who like myself don't live by those principles taught by those teachers back in my elementary and junior high schools. Therefore I see a beauty in other Blacks that has the potential to be visually, emotionally, sexually, and culturally stimulating.

After seeing myself conquer my racism against Blacks, I now have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with so many other people. Why are so many people willing to go along with the excuses like, "it's the way I was brought up", or "it's because of where I come from", or "it's just my preference"?

Is it really your preference? Or is it racism you were taught, or allowed yourself to be taught? Because racism is a learned behavior. It is not born into us like our skin color and ethnicity, which unlike our thought patterns, we cannot change. Let's take for instance why it seems that in American gay society, many gay White American males seem to find the most desirable Black males to be dark-skinned, and brawny while Black men with medium complexions, simply toned builds, braids, or sometimes an afro are too often treated by many gay White American males like sub-humans. Is this natural, or is it taught to us by all the American gay media, be it lifestyle magazines, television, or porn? It can't be natural, because most of the men I've either dated or tricked with are White, so it's not natural for White men to be this way. PLUS with most of the White men that I have been with being non-American, and usually European - it is obvious that this falsehood of "dark-skinned Black and brawny is better" is an American taught concept, therefore by no means natural.

Now, I'm not drawn to every Asian, every Middle-Easterner, or what-have-you that I see, and I am by no means a fool. I am well aware of the fact that over time we can study people of various ethnic backgrounds and come to conclusions about how certain behaviors are a part of who they are. But if this is what is contributing to what you call "your preference", then you need to ask yourself, "What if I'm wrong, and that being wrong is making me miss out on something I can cherish forever?" Because I myself am not a stereotypical Black man. And I feel many who look at me with those stereotypes in their mind are missing out on a possible prize. And if not with me, then they're about to miss out on a prize with someone else, and not giving them a chance to show their individuality. By putting those stereotypes aside for a moment now, I do know that someone in every ethnicity out there can strike my fancy, on both a simply sexual level AND/OR a very deep one. I don't do like many who see a certain skin color, and give a reaction that says "hands off". For me, it's your behavior - no matter what color you are that will make me give that "hands-off" reaction. Why are so many people lacking in doing the same? Especially in the LGBT community? You would think we all would know better after all the stereotyping we must endure by right-wingers in the straight community. But by the behaviors that I have pointed out, all of us obviously don't know better. Which only contributes to gays being their own worst enemy.

All that I've said thus far of my journey to be free of racism, the same journey should be done by anyone of any color. So why are we still struggling with racist attitudes in this country?

It's because you're lazy. Too lazy to put in the work on yourself to find out what made you have that limiting attraction. A limiting attraction that could make you miss out on not only having a phenomenal sex partner, but more importantly, finding your best friend, or way more importantly, the love of your life. If you work on finding the source of what made you have that limiting attraction, then you can undo it to where that attraction will no longer be so limiting.

It may seem cynical, but it's true when I say that many gay men who claim to have found the love of their life might have only found an illusion because they let narcissism rule their judgement where they seek out someone who looks like themselves. The same musculature, the same tan, someone they can share clothes with like straight girl friends. Then when the boredom of that kicks in, the relationship is over. Problem is most go for the same guy for their next long-term relationship, which is why so many end up old and alone. And with a narcissistic attitude, it may seem cruel to say, but -----it is what you deserve.

My goal with this post is to reach those who do want that love of their life, those who do want that intellectually stimulating platonic friend, but may never find it because of their perceptions based on the color of one's skin. I would like to share the knowledge I've gained with you all, because I now see that with my newly open-minded view, I have such a better chance of finding those friends and lovers. I presently have them as friends, and welcome more all the time. Now, the only position I need to fill is the love of my life. And I'm so proud of myself for now being able to say that whatever his color or ethnicity he may be, it will not surprise me.

Can you say the same? If you can't, then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. An old saying, I know - but more than a little fitting.

Fire Island Weekend @Daniel's 3, Part 2

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Braking The Cycle 2009

In the past, I have asked for your financial help in my charity efforts. This time, I'm not asking for your help on my behalf. I'm asking for your help on behalf of my friend, Anthony Christmann.

Now, I can't ride a bike 3 doors down, so forget about seeing me doing it across 3 states, which is why I admire what participants of this charity are doing. They are using a fun activity many take for granted, and using it to help others. You can't get much more humane than that. On that note, I'll let me friend, Anthony take it from here:

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm going to be riding 275 miles across 3 states towards 1 destination: the end of AIDS.

I hope you'll help me with Braking The Cycle 2009, a bicycle ride from Boston to New York City, and I need your help to raise money for those affected by HIV and AIDS. Please sponsor me, Anthony by making a tax-deductible donation. All you have to do is click the following link, http://gaycenter.kintera.org/btc09/anthonychristmann and enter your billing information. Whether it's $10, $100, or $1000, every little bit will help a person living with HIV or AIDS.

I have learned that if I don't talk about HIV, to prevent it from spreading, who will?? Thank you for your support.

I am aware that we are in tough financial times right now, but I hope that my friend's words will move you to take part in bringing a much needed end to HIV/AIDS. Please remember this link: http://gaycenter.kintera.org/btc09/anthonychristmann.

Thank you.

Fire Island Weekend @Daniel’s 3, Part 1: The Meat Rack Experience

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In Lust With Jakub Stefano

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Tyson Cane ...REVIVAL?!

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Porn Directors, Get Thee To A Sex Party

As comical as the title may sound, I believe many American porn directors need to get themselves to a sex party, and find out what the public really wants to see. Because from what I've seen at sex parties, like most company heads, the producers and directors are so busy nickel and diming that they are out of touch with the real world.

Many will claim that their sales tell the tale, but what they neglect to mention is where those sales are coming from, and the way of thinking these places are notorious for. The majority of porn sales and pay websites get their revenue from places in the Midwest that are overwrought with racist redneck hicks who only know of their cookie-cutter White world, have no ambition of seeing beyond that, and live a life where they repress and hide not just their homosexuality, but their sexuality in general. And many an American porn producer/director use the racism of these places and the high percentage of their sales there to justify their own racist practices.

The reason I say that porn producers/directors need to go to a good sex party is because the sights that get the most attention at a sex party are scenes porn producers/directors are absolute failures at creating for the majority of porn connoisseurs I've come to know. Such as the fact of how at most sex parties I've been to, my presence becomes quite popular over the course of the night. I believe the reason is that with me, they see something they don't often see. And I'm not talking about outlandish positions either. Although, I will admit - it's been done.

I have to rehash an old story here.

My loyal readers may recall me telling of how I got fucked by Matt Hyland at a sex party. Besides the fact that it was 2 Aries fucking (meaning 2 people born under a fire sign fucking would only create an intensely heated sexual energy), I think we got so much attention because we went against the porn-induced perceived norm. Because while there has been a little improvment in this, for the most part in gay porn, the Black guy STILL tops the White guy, and such was not the case with me and Matt. While me and Matt were positioned across the bed fucking, there were 2 White guys fucking perpendicular to us. Voyeurs stopped watching the White guys, so they could watch us instead. To the point that while at the beginning of the sex, I could see the TV playing porn at the foot of the bed, but by the middle of it, the room was almost totally black by cluttered bodies in a candlelit room with silhouettes made by the light of the television that were surrounding the side of the bed me and Matt were on.

What made them stop watching the 2 White guys? Maybe me and Matt were perceived as being more cute, but I am most certain that it was because between the 2 White guys on the bed and the porn on the TV, and maybe even in the party guests' own homes, most of their minds were so saturated with the image of White guys fucking that when something so different is put in front of them (especially a Black man as a bottom), they were happier than pigs in slop.

Another incident happened just this past Thursday at NY Jock Party. Once again, while a crowd would form around White guys fucking, the BIGGER crowds formed when the Black guy was a bottom. And I'm not only talking about when I was in a 3-way with 2 White guys, getting fucked by one, while I lick the other's balls as the one fucking me blows him, then the other takes a turn at fucking my ass. I'm also talking about other Black guys there who bottomed, because they were big attention-getters as well.




It isn't my goal to be such a center of attention, I'm just going these parties to have fun, yet I find myself becoming the center of attention because porn producers/directors have fell off in giving the majority of people what they want. So the product that they're selling isn't being bought because people like it. It's being bought because people are settling for whatever. Considering how much these movies cost to buy, I think these producers/directors owe it to porn fans to give them what they want. Maybe then so many including myself will stop downloading illegally, beating my meat over 1 measly scene then deleting the damn file.

Some might say I'm putting too much thought into this, but the reason I do put so much thought into it is because I'm not so high on myself that I think I'm irresistible, as some people who get as much sex out of a sex party as I do would believe about themselves. That's why I've been able to conclude that this says people are tired of seeing Black men portrayed as the so dominant top in sex. And my actions as a bottom on and off-camera have shown that Black men like to have their chocolate buns sprayed with man-milk from a vanilla meat-stick that's been between those chocolate buns, instead of always spraying the man-milk from their chocolate meat-stick on to some vanilla buns.

Black men are portrayed in American gay porn as always demanding to be serviced. So maybe I'm onto something in my conclusion that a form of guilt and fear of karma for the history of slavery in America is playing a part in the sexual behavior of some White Americans towards Blacks. I would like to believe most of our society has evolved beyond this, but it seems porn producers/directors have not. So they need to get out of their Confederate racist mindset, and get with the more racially unified times that I feel we are living in.

Backroom Sleaze On The Seas

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In Barebacking Porn's Corner

In my recent interview with Papi Chulo, I was asked a question by Papi Chulo about my feeling on the popularity of bareback sex in gay porn.

Since answering that question, I have since mentioned the film, "Bareback GangBang Nr.1", and how it turns me on. With that being the case, I thought now was as good a time as any to address the issue of barebacking in gay porn on this blog.

I have tackled the issue of barebacking before in a blog post I did for Pitbull's ThugPornBlog entitled, "Why We Bare The Risk" back in December 2007, but I don't believe I have ever done it here. So I felt if I'm willing to tackle controversial issues like gay-for-pay and racism in gay porn, why with my now increased popularity since that post for Pitbull, should I sit on my hands on an even more controversial matter. I believe to not address it at some point in some way would be hypocritical of me.

First off, I continue to stand behind the reply I gave to Papi Chulo's question. Combine that response, my blog post for Pitbull on barebacking, and my mention of condom use in my blog posts, I am obviously an advocate of safer sex. But I am well aware that we are all adults and are going to do whatever we want to do, even if that means taking a big risk for that quick sexual fix.

My viewing of bareback porn as I'm sure of anyone else who practices safer sex yet views barebacking porn is viewing it for the fantasy of living in an utopia - a world free of HIV/AIDS and other STDs. Plus, I'm looking at it from the prospective of someone in the industry who knows that porn actors in barebacking films are put together because they either share the same status, OR have made it clear, that regardless of status, barebacking is what they want to do, eleviating the studio of any responsiblity.

Watching porn nowadays from that viewpoint makes me aware of the responsiblities of all involved (like the directors and performers) have to each other and the public. With barebacking porn, the responsibility is solely on the viewer as to whether they want to imitate that art. THAT'S WHAT DISCLAIMERS ARE FOR - it shows the responsibility that a producer/director of barebacking porn has to the public. So one claiming that their disdain for barebacking porn is for the sake of protecting gay youth is admirable, but considering how nowadays teenagers are aware of the existence of many diseaeses (especially HIV) that they can catch by having sex without a condom before they leave the 8th grade ----such a reasoning is insulting to their intellect. Because the gay youth know it's a movie. They know condom use is a matter of choice. They know it's 2 or more guys put together to be into each other, therefore just like any other movie, a teenager knows that there may be other factors in play as to how those guys in a scene came together that we might not be able to see on the surface. Once again, THAT'S WHAT DISCLAIMERS ARE FOR. For instance, maybe they're constant fuck-buddies off-camrea, or maybe they're a real-life couple, but most importantly, the status of all performers involved is most often discussed beforehand. Whatever the case, in making barebacking porn, there are obviously factors that can make bringing a scene to life not so cut and dry.

And I know some are going to actually be dumb enough at this point to try to argue a point of how doing a straight guy is also a fantasy, so why do I have such a loathing for gay-for-pay actors, but not for barebacking performers?

Easy to explain.

Gay-for-pay, unlike barebacking in porn is very cut and dry, because totally straight men don't have sex with men PERIOD. Like I said - cut and dry. Because unlike condom use, sexual orientation is NOT a matter of choice. I've written enough posts on gay-for-pay in the past that I don't need to divert further from the issue of barebacking at this time. If you want to argue the subject of "gay-for-pay" further ---- look it up, so my posts will shut you up.

I think I've said all that needs to be said for those who practice safer-sex yet view barebacking porn. I believe over the past 2 days that I've pointed out the reason why scrutiny and finger-shaking at viewers of barebacking porn is improper behavior, therefore the viewers should be allowed to watch it guilt free as I most certainly do, will continue to do so, and hope that all of you who watch it will do the same.

For MOC Blog - Barebacking: Protection From The Critics

Hi,

I did a guest-blogging piece for MOC Blog addressing how I'm against IML barring barebacking companies from the event.

http://menofcolor.blogs.com/moc_blog/2009/08/barebacking-protection-from-the-critics.html

I will continue my defense of barebacking porn and a viewer's right to it in a blog post HERE tomorrow. So do come back tomorrow.


Keep Being U2B. FREE,

Sluts With Class, The Have & Have-Nots

Most would believe that among sluts, that there is no such thing as one having class. Well those that believe such a thing are going to find themselves very much mistaken by the end of this post. Now I am well aware of how this may seem comical, but the truth is I'm totally serious, and the logic behind it that I'll present will make a lot of sense.

I have often admitted here to being a slut. What you may not know that I have always considered myself to be a slut with class, and have found many slutty people to be void of class. What makes one a slut with class is the fact that even at their most horny, they will not hook up with someone who at some point during the initial meeting shows themselves to have a major personality flaw like rudeness or obsessive tendencies, no matter how good-looking that prospective playmate may be. Nor will a slut with class lower him/herself to take up with anybody just because a suitor is into them, yet they by no means reciprocate that admiration, because that means that slut's getting off is based solely on the suitor's desire for that slut as a means to stroke the slut's own sexual ego. And that's what sluts with NO class do.

Instead of putting myself in the line of fire for any of the drama that can be incited by not having these rules, I'd rather go home alone, and beat my meat. Why? Because even as a slut, one should have enough respect for oneself to not put him/herself in bad situations like having to watch what a trick says to not offend anyone, or turning a blind eye to a person's obvious signs of obsessive behavior.

I and those like me have sex for the pleasure and sharing it with someone who at least for that moment, shows themselves worthy of sharing that time with. Bottom line is that for a slut with class, sex is about an equal exchange of pleasure.

This is not the case for a slut with NO class for their sexual conquest are about stroking their own ego, and using sex as a way to validate their worth. The person they are having sex with is just a prop for that delusional means of validation.

Of course being used as a prop can be the case with a one-night stand, but I believe the reason one enlists someone as a fuck-buddy is so they can have the time of having an equal exchange of pleasure by you knowing what both you and your partner like, so it's easy to please that person, and they can do the same for you. Neither of you should be using sex as a means of validation.

Such was the case I was hoping for one former fuck-buddy. But I started seeing signs that made me question his worth in being a fuck-buddy. I started to realize this after a couple of people he fooled around with at a party. One guy was good-looking but came and stood by us while I was talking to th former fuck-buddy, but the guy had a look in his eye like he was a zombie . I've gotten stares like that, and no matter how cute he is, he can't have me, because I am not going to knowingly risk spending time with Glenn Close's character from "Fatal Attraction". If this guy was fat, old, and wrinkly, my former fuck-buddy would have initiated with me a talk about how desperate that stare shows him to be, when the reality is that from someone young or old, slim or fat, a slut with class knows that stare is not cute.

Another guy my former fuck-buddy took up with insulted an older man right to his face by saying "Ewww! A daddy!"

If me and my former fuck-buddy saw that old man, we may not be into him staring at us, but we would have enough compassion to not be so rude to the man's face. While my former fuck-buddy is also a self-proclaimed slut, he isn't one with class, as he felt the need to defend his actions of needing to stroke his ego by telling himself the delusion that I was jealous.

The problem I had with him taking up with these guys was not me being jealous. Since we started talking, I've seen him fool around with other guys and got off on it, and he has done the same with me. My problem with his choosing these guys is because those major flaws in their personality could be seen way before giving of himself sexually. Therefore these people were just props for his sexual ego, which led to my concern of me being the same. I may tolerate being a prop with a one-night stand, but not for a fuck-buddy. And I expect a fuck-buddy of mine to abide by the rules of sex as a pleasure exchange as I do, and not make it all about themselves.

Now if these guys' flaws showed themselves after a hook-up, then it's understandable to tolerate it ONCE AND ONLY ONCE, but after that - severe all ties.

The problem with being a slut with NO class is that they usually behave in a manner that curses them with bad karma. I wonder how many of those old men you see in clubs trying to buy off the go-go boys, or going online for the company of an escort were in their younger days a slut with no class. It would not surprise me if the number was 65% or higher. That would mean that karma being the bitch that she is, has cursed these men from being the user of people in order to feel validated, to being the one who is now all used up and now so in need of people in order to make you feel validated, that they've become desperate enough to buy them.

Since you're reading my blog, you either are a slut, have been a slut before your present life of committment, or even committed and faithful, a slut lives on in your mind. Whatever the case may be, after reading this, ask yourself this:

When it comes to being a slut with class - are you one of the have or the have-nots?

If you are one of the have-nots, I hope you correct that soon.

Fire Island Weekend @ Daniel's 2 (conclusion)

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Fire Island Weekend @ Daniel's 2

I just spent another weekend working for my stay at Daniel Nardicio's Home for Wayward Boys out on Fire Island. This weekend was quite different from the last. For starters, I can promise you more make-outs, sex, and cumshots than last weekend.

I was a bit nervous going out there on my own with so many transfers between trains, taxis, and ferries. You see, my last 1 times out there I was in the company of someone else. Last week, I came out there with Daniel after a party he had at the bar, The Hose. And a few Saturdays before that I accompanied my friends that I was supporting for their appearance, singer Lovari and advice diva Robbyne Kaamil. Well, I made it there at my planned arrival time of 10 AM. I was more prompt traveling completely away from New York City than I was going to my former day job at Kenyon & Kenyon. Like I pretty much said in that post, when I'm going somewhere I really want to go, and is made worth my while, I will be for the most part - prompt.

Once there, I knew the routine of placing fliers all over the island, What I didn't count on was this week's fellow helper not being as efficient as the Englishman I mentioned working with last week. So to make a long story short, the same can't be said for my walk around the entire island, as I was the for the most part the only one putting up fliers for the Underwear Party that day. That took me about 4 hours, so needless to say, afterwards I was tired.

I did have a big awakening later on. In the form of a young (at least at that moment) cute guy with a nice body and wearing speedos coming into the room Daniel let me stay in with the dancers. I had no idea of who Daniel hired to dance, and no other dancers had shown up by that time, so when he said that he was hired to dance, I let him in. I have to admit that I knew immediately when I saw him that we were going to wind up fucking before the weekend was over. It became solidified figuratively, as my cock did literally when he came close to me, and started rubbing on me. Thus begins our make-out session. He then bluntly asked me, "Do you want to fuck me?"

With my past as a dancer for Daniel, I told him I did, but he should reserve his sexual energy for when he dances. I tried getting some rest, while he sat on his supposed bed a bit wound claiming he was tired but didn't want to sleep. I decided to take some advantage of the situation, and figured if he laid with me, the horniness that had him wound up would subside. Well either the weekend went by quick, or I didn't even wait an hour, because as we laid there with him on top of me as I rubbed his smooth back, and slipping into his speedos for a feel of his ass, I told myself, "Fuck that wait!"

I got him off of me so I could get a condom a lube from my bag, We both got undressed, he got on all fours on the bed, and I ate him out, making him moan like crazy. I then lubed up his nice tight hole and my wrapped up cock, and went in for the kill, and fucked him missionary. And he grabbed my ass just like I love a bottom to do when I'm topping him. I then pulled out and we jerked off together, and we ended spraying both of our loads all over his torso. So I ended up christening the room for fucking. And with that accomplishment in mind, I had me a nice nap until I had to return to work later at the party.

I later discovered that this guy was a hustler, and wasn't a dancer for Daniel at all. As much as I hate being lied to, when I think about the fact that his asshole most likely wound up being loosey-goosey by whoever else he was going to hustle for the day, I take solace in knowing I got to plow it at a time where it was tight enough to get off.

At the Underwear Party, Daniel asked me to check in on the Real Touch Theater that was set up. I told guys who came in about how it works, some sampled it with their fingers, while others who wanted to sample it with their cocks were apprehensive, which is why I brought condoms along. Some pretty hot guys were coming back there, so it was my pleasure to help them out - especially with the perk being that I get to see how much meat is being confined to those undies.

In between, my checking in on the Real Touch Theater, I made out with a few hotties. One older guy with an amazing body happens to live in New York City, so I wouldn't mind 1 get-together or more with him, because one major turn-on for me is when older guys don't let their bodies go. If they show themselves to have a nice personality as well, why shouldn't they be rewarded with a hot roll in the hay when you know you can provide it. I did give him my card, so I hope he decides to collect.

That was just Friday's happenings. Wait until Wednesday to find out what happened on Saturday. So on Hump Day, find out who humped who this past Saturday.