It's not the 1st time that I've gotten such an email where I'm being notified by Twitter that someone with a name is following me. Early on after creating my Twitter account Out Magazine became one of my followers. That was easy to brush off when you take note of how many people Out Magazine follows. And of course, with all the poignant issues I have addressed here, I still have yet to write for and/or be interviewed by Out Magazine. Therefore, my initial reaction to being notified that MTV was following me was "no big deal". It's just that somehow they came across my name, and I was interesting for a hot minute.
However, after further investigation, I didn't realize how HOT that minute was, or what that HOT minute was about. I decided to go to the MTV Twitter page mentioned in the email. It said:
CASTING for MTV DOC True Life: I'm Addicted To Sex. Hit us up w/your story
Then as I scrolled down the page, I saw all of their tweets repeated that line but was directed at various people....I was one of those people. So I'm now realize that some of my tweets have given them the impression that I'm a sex addict. OK, if this is to proceed further, then I have to think about if I consider myself a sex addict.
Before I give an answer, let's explore some facts of my sexual history that may lead one to such a conclusion:
1) I will admit to having such a big porn collection through DVDs and files on both my PC and laptop that I forget I am even in possession of some scenes and titles.
2) I do explore sex parties. Not every single one I get email invites to (that's too many cum-loads and an eventual need for Viagra), but a good number. I will admit to using volunteering to help out as a money-saver when its payment is FREE ENTRY.
3) I do partake of backroom style action in bars and clubs.
4) I did get a rush from doing all the videos that I have uploaded to XTube, GayForIt, and RocketTube, which I believe may have contributed to the nice cum-loads at the end of each.
And I may very well do more - solos and/or with others, partly because I still get off on the continued following I have on these sites, even though I am retired from the gay porn industry.
In all of those facts, while like a sex addict, I am attracted to the act of sex. And like a sex addict, my personal preference ignites my libido. However, UNLIKE a sex addict, if that personal preference isn't found, I will lose interest in being satisfied by that means of the moment. This explains why that while I do have profiles on Manhunt, Adam4Adam, DudesNude and others, few guys can claim to having a sexual encounter with me through an online hook-up site.A male sex addict is human, therefore he does have a type. But unless I'm wrong, if that type isn't available at the moment, a gay male sex addict then doesn't care who sucks his dick, who he fucks, or who fucks him. Just as long as the other person is willing to give him his preferred brand of sexual pleasure. Hence why I don't consider myself a sex addict. Because for me, a genuine attraction must be involved at all times, making me VERY PICKY about who I get that pleasure from. No matter how much I may want my dick sucked, if I find you unattractive, you are not sucking my dick. No matter how much I want to poke a hole, I refuse to fuck any hole in complete darkness no matter how sweetly tight you can claim it to be. And no matter how much my hole may twitch craving to be filled with a nice hard cock, even if you want to do it doggy-style and in the deepest dark room so I don't have to look at you, I MUST know AND like the face of who's fucking me and if I don't find you attractive,....you will not even be allowed to knock, so lose all hopes you may have of getting in.
Believe it or not, I'm not offended by MTV thinking of me as a potential candidate for their episode of "True Life" about sex addicts, even though I disagree. In fact, I'm honored to have been noticed. After all, when you think about it, I am a bit of an oddity. How many Black males with any media exposure whatsoever do you know who are as open about their sex lives and sexuality in general as I am, AND are out and proud gay/bisexuals? Sad to say, not many. It's because being a Black male this sexually open is taboo, even amongst Blacks. The mass media allows us Blacks to say and show that we like sex, but they never gives us the voice to say what we like exactly and why. So if this (what I take as a misunderstanding) gives me the opportunity to be one of the much needed many voices amongst Blacks to do that, then I'm all for it.
So in closing, while I do like sex, and not consider myself a sex addict, I am still sending this post to MTV. From there, I am leaving it up to them to decide....Is Tré Xavier a sex addict, or just a very sexual being?
Most definitions of 'addict' rely on the behaviour (drugs, alcohol, sex etc) having an adverse affect on what most would consider a 'normal' life.
ReplyDeleteNow what a 'normal' life is, I'm not sure, but unless your sexual exploits are literally preventing you from holding down a job, or having friendships and non-sexual relationships (as in, you're missing work because you are out trawling for sex), then you just can't be an addict.
I personally think society has taken a little too much time in diagnosing problems, at the expense of allowing personal responsibility. Not that I believe you have anything to diagnose, or be responsible for.
The term "addict" to describe sexual behavior is a psychological scapegoat. Behaviors do not have the bioligical "hook" component like a substance does. The correct term should be sexual compulsive, not addict. Use of the dreaded "addict" phrase is how people who can't control compulsions excuse away either normal or destructive behavior. You are not a sex addict, nor do I believe you are a sexual compulsive. You are just sexual, which is a normal biological DRIVE of the human body and brain. Enjoy, and let the pundits who need to term all behaviors as potential problems wallow in their basic lack of understanding human nature. - Ben M.
ReplyDeleteBen,
ReplyDeleteActually, they do. Behaviours change brain chemistry, just as brain chemistry modifies behaviour.
Behavioural addictions are not a 'cop-out'... but they are over prescribed. All too often, people are just dismissive of poor judgements as some form of behavioural addiction.
But there are true behavioural addictions. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a flavour of this - a behaviour which the person cannot stop doing (the Compulsion) which interferes with a 'normal' lifestyle.
But I'm not disagreeing with you on sentiment. People in society are quick to give a pathological diagnosis to a personality trait they don't like, because then it's something they don't have to confront.