Were you a Michael Jackson fan?

There's no "were". I'm STILL a Michael Jackson fan. Always and forever. Even more so after hearing the unreleased songs of his.

My blog may make me seem like an open book....but maybe I'm not, so ask away ;-)

If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it?

The L XTreme

My blog may make me seem like an open book....but maybe I'm not, so ask away ;-)

Joke In Your Place...Or Else

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Great Adventure Virgin

As the title suggest, I have never been to Six Flags Great Adventure before. So when Fairgrounds 7 held at Six Flags Great Adventure was announced, I was hoping to find someone to be a tour guide to me.  Hence the Facebook and Twitter updates I was posting about my going, as well as my inviting someone to be my "plus 1" as I was selected to be on the Gaydar.net bus to get there.

When I got there, I was hoping to find someone that I knew and would want to hang with, but to no avail I did not. After realizing that I lost more than an hour trying to do so, I did what I've done in all of my discovery adventures....I went it alone, and glad to have done so.

I was wearing my self-designed "The L XTreme" shirt that is seen in this picture. I thought it fitting because I knew that I was taking on something new. And while this may bore my most loyal readers to rehash all this, whenever I take on something new, an extreme situation always results. Plus my legal first name starts with "L", hence the name "L XTreme". For example, I lost my virginity in a 5-man orgy. I think that says it all about how extremities in initiations and I go hand in hand.

I didn't go on many things, but what I tackled first was major for me. I got on The Twister. While some were talking about the Kingda Ka being such a high roller coaster, having my 1st ride there be one that takes me any degree of high off the ground AND turns me upside down while up in the air falls into the category of another extreme initiation for me. Especially because I have a fear of heights that is sparked by not having support around me. Sure you're in a harness, but (1)you're not stationary, and (2)there was no one in the seat to my right. It would have been to my left, because when I first sat down, that's where the empty seat was. But the young lady sitting next to that empty seat made her nervousness about not being surrounded known. Even though there was also a young lady on my right, she didn't make the need for my presence known, so trying to be a noble gentleman, I moved over to fill the seat to my left, which left me in the same position as she was in originally, with no one surrounding me. But I dealt with it, and faced my fear.

I will admit, for someone with such a fear of heights, I kept my eyes open for a good deal of that ride. This coming from someone who would stand on the 11th floor balcony of the law firm is used to work at, look down at the ground, and start feeling like the ground was doing a slow spin.

Next, was the Parchute Training Center where they take you 25-stories high up in a seat, and let you slowly drop down. I was originally going to go it alone as well, but it turns out I didn't have to. A kind gentleman who introduced himself to me on the bus went with me. This came about because there were 2 guys between me and this gentlemen and his friend, and each seat sat 2. The gentleman and his friend got in one seat, and the 2 guys in between us got in another. For some odd reason, it turned out being that the gentleman and his friend together were too heavy, which we all found weird since neither one of them were at all fat. So me and the gentleman went up together. It was fun to look at the park, and see all the lights from so high up. Many thanks to that gentleman for going up with me, as I did warn him of my fear of heights.

Was I over my fear of heights yet? The next ride might give me (and you) a better idea as to whether or not I am.

My next and last ride was Superman: Ultimate Flight. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a Superman fan. I'm not a comic book buff, but I am a Superman fan. In fact, I have a Superman eyeglass case, a Superman light switch cover in my room, a Superman decal for my laptop made by Skinit.com, and there's more. So if that isn't proof enough, I don't know what is.

On my 1st attempt, the line to get on the ride was long, which is why I took so long to get on it. When I realized that my wait wasn't going to be the 1 hour that some were warning in my previous attempts, but instead less than 30 minutes, I gave it a go.

My fear of heights was still very much alive. I didn't realize until I got there what the draw to this ride was. It's not just another roller coaster. And you're not in a hanging seat as I originally thought. The seat comes up to turn you horizontally....as if you were Superman flying. I thought to myself since I was a kid about how I always wanted to fly like Superman, but if I could, my fear of heights would get in the way. So what good would I be to the world if I had super powers. Well, if I got through this ride with my eyes wide open, my question would be answered.

The ride began, and at first there was a floor beneath you. And then it happened....there was no longer a floor beneath you. You are now up in the air with only the ground below. And then you're let loose full speed ahead. I felt an urge come over me that I didn't expect. The self-control freak that I am allowed myself to lose control...and I hollered, "WHOOOOOO!!!!". I did it repeatedly. So many times that my voice was on the verge of getting raspy. I can't recall, but I think I kept my eyes open for the overwhelming majority of the ride.

After the ride ended, I realized that not only can I not recall as to whether or not I kept my eyes open, but I know for a fact that I never tried the Superman move of putting my arms straight forward. For that reason, and that reason alone, I told myself to go again. And so I did, and this time I got it right. My arms were pointing forward, AND I made sure to keep my eyes open. So yes, I saw EVERYTHING. Every twist and every turn. I saw it all.

Superhero test: PASSED....with the flying colors of blue, yellow, and red.

I hadn't been to an amusement park since I was a child in elementary school. Which might explain my extreme intolerance towards childish behavior. I grew up with so much harsh reality, but never given the social escape that children need. I only had my imagination that I played with in solitude. So like I did with my sexual virginity, my losing my Six Flags Great Adventure virginity that day was me making up for lost time. Also, as I mentioned harsh reality, part of the draw to make this day fun was more so because it was another part of my celebrating my 1 year after retiring from porn.

After that second go on Superman: The Ultimate Flight, I ran to make sure I got on the bus going home. I was like a kid. I got on that bus, stretched out on the seats like a kid in the backseat of his parents' car, and went to sleep. Once I got home, I continued my sleep where I left off on the bus. It was a fun day.

Now in closing, let me shed some light on the 1st picture of this post. There were go-go boys on the Gaydar.net bus. So all of you who saw my tweets and Facebook updates inviting you to be my "plus 1", and chose to be asswipes by ignoring me...wipe the egg off your face with this tease of what you missed out on.

Yes, I was on the fun bus, bitches. That's what your asses get for not replying.

Maybe next year....

Due to the NATURE of the male anatomy: Gay-for-Pay is BULLSHIT! The guy gets a hard-on, Hugs and kisses on A GUY, then busts a nut. Even if money is the motivator of his boner (and not attraction) THAT MANY TIMES, he's STILL fucked up in the head. Agree?

Due to the NATURE of the male anatomy:Gay-for-Pay is BULLSHIT! The guy gets a hard-on, Hugs and kisses on A GUY, then busts a nut. Even if money is the motivator of his boner (and not attraction) THAT MANY TIMES, he's STILL fucked up in the head.Agree?

Answer here

R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor: 1 Year Later

As I opened my mouth to record this vlog revisiting last year's blog entry, R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor, 4 1/2 years of memories tried coming forth within the less than 30 minutes I was aiming for (hence the 2 parts). With that in mind, my voice could not keep up with the floodgates that were opened in my brain once I pressed "Record". Whose combination of voice and mind could keep up?...No one's.

I felt I needed to make note of that because since I speak such truths in this retrospective vlog that few in the gay porn industry want said, that out of loathing of my honesty and envy of my bravery...someone will try playing "Little Miss Critique" and point out my stammering.

So without further ado, I present to you....

And just because I didn't call your name outright in either part of this vlog,...DON'T THINK YOU'RE SAFE. I just might be waiting for a bigger opportunity like I was given with The Advocate.

HOT Chocolate in Paris

Chase Coxxx and myself have recently started following each other on Twitter, and realizing how many thoughts we have in common, we are now on each others' blog list. While looking at Chase's Twitter page, I saw some pics he recently posted. They were pretty damn hot. Like these:

And then I saw this pic:

The immediate fantasy that played in my head was of me having my hole tag-teamed by these 2 for the entire parade route. And I made that known in the comment that I posted. BUT after seeing that pic, I then found this one:

When I finally decided to read the captions (thanks to Chase), it became clear that these HOT guys were all together at the same event, Fête de la Musique in Paris. So I had to correct myself in my next comment of how it would not be a tag-team that I would endure for all to see along the entire parade route. It would actually be a GANG BANG.

After reading my comments, Chase sent me a tweet with a link to the video where I can see the bodies in motion, especially those asses. And I decided that if I have to sit here hard wanting what I can't have, why shouldn't you? So be my company in my "misery". 

Enjoy & Bust ;-)

 

A blowjob is to make me hard to either plug you, or enjoy while you plug me. So no matter where you, it has a time limit as to when it becomes boring, at which point you fuck either there, or elsewhere. It's foreplay, not the entire sex act. AGREE or NOT?

A blowjob is to make me hard to either plug you, or enjoy while you plug me. So no matter where you, it has a time limit as to when it becomes boring, at which point you fuck either there, or elsewhere. It's foreplay, not the entire sex act. AGREE or NOT?

Answer here

what are your plans for the weekend?

My plans for this weekend is to record my next vlog. It will be a look back on this past year since posting my blog entry, "R.I.P. Tré Xavier - Porn Actor" which announced my retiring from the gay porn industry. Then I'll be editing it so that it's ready for posting on my blog EXACTLY 1 year after that blog entry or it's prelude....which mean either this coming Wednesday or Thursday. The length of it may make it a 2-parter.

My blog may make me seem like an open book....but maybe I'm not, so ask away ;-)

VLog 1: See The Change, Why The Change

If you've been noticing some changes here, my 1st vlog will tell you why.



I am an animal lover, but I must make clear that the noisy ass, obviously poorly trained dog barking in the background isn't mine. I hope it and the planes weren't too much of a distraction. Until next time....

Write That Down #26

I was about to give a backstory on what inspired my latest quote, but the truth is...waaaaay too many people have inspired this "Write That Down" quote over time. Because a recent parting of the ways I had with someone forced me to point out the reality to them of how many of us (myself included) are governed by the stereotypical rules and behaviors of our communities. A reality that this person did not want to face, and I'm sure many share this person's sentiment. For it means that they may be doing things in their lives based more on their community's perceived will instead of their own individual will.

So my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

Just because I have this skin color, don't think I like hip-hop, and talk slang 24/7. And just because my sexual orientation is for the most part, gay - don't think I MUST be in love with Broadway, MUST go to Fire Island during the summer, MUST have designer clothes, MUST do extensive man-scaping, and/or MUST love Britney, Cher, Madonna and/or Lady Gaga. Because while I may like to partake of some of these and other things thought to be "gay" to some capacity, I am self-confident enough with my identity and individuality to NOT BE A STEREOTYPE. This leaves my heart room to love and feel passion over the more important things in life. Such as bringing the human community together, and not for the "it" gay cause of the moment. Instead, for the cause that I know needs our attention. In short, my heart knows that the only "MUST" that I have to be....is that I MUST BE ME.

My Deeper Detail of Older/Younger

This past Friday evening, I attended a discussion held by Men of All Colors Together (MACT/NY) at the LGBT Center here in New York City. The topic of the discussion was "Relationships Between Older Men & Younger Men". I decided to attend because I have a very strong feeling about this, and what type of person, especially the younger person seeks out this type of relationship. And I found myself quite enlightened on some levels, but mostly, I left holding my original position.

For me personally, even in my days of considering living life as a heterosexual male, my rule was always "If you're old enough to have me, it's not happening", and vice versa. That would put my age limit somewhere around 13 years younger or older. So right now, with me being 39, that would put my age limit for dating a younger person near 26, and someone older than me near 52.

I recently broke that rule by briefly dating someone 24 years old as told in the blog entry, "Goal Chaser's Void & My Wasted Time". If you have read that post, you can see that the reason it ended could have happened with someone of any age. But one question that always rings in my mind is: why is it that after I told them my age, did they still want me? Well, I may have found the answer.

I believe that for some, it has to do with the fact that I don't necessarily look my age to most people. So a younger person who usually dates someone their own age doesn't care because I appear to be close to their age.

In other cases however, the history of most guys that I have been involved with who are at least 10 years younger than me, have a history of dating guys usually with an age difference beyond my aforementioned limitations. That already sounds an alarm for me, because to me that says that this person is in search of a "father figure". I used to like the George Michael song by that title, but the more I thought of this subject matter in recent years, the less appealing that song has become. And as it turns out, that's usually how our relationship goes...me being more like a father by mentoring them, instead of being a boyfriend. The fact that in this and the aforementioned scenario, them seeming to tolerate my mentoring role is what raises the volume of the alarm. That is why I'm always the one who ends things. And I usually part ways with these type of guys completely when the dating is over, because these guys have issues that it's not my place to deal with. They need to come to terms with them on their own, as a question posed to me after I told my history at the MACT/NY discussion points out.

At the MACT/NY discussion, one person asked could it be simply that one person has a stronger personality? In answering that question, (ignoring my personal experiences) all of my observations I've seen of such relationships the stronger personality is in the older participant, which implies a father/son dynamic, instead of a romantic partner dynamic. To be honest, while I maintained my calm, I was actually quite annoyed by that question, because that seemed to be giving an excuse to say this type of relationship of being mentor is OK. And it is...when you are NOT calling yourselves romantically and/or sexually involved. Otherwise, it's a problem. For younger guys seeking out these kind of relationships are way too often males with "father issues", and older guys seeking it out are looking to regain their youth. Therefore, both participants have issues that they need to deal with, because those issues make the relationship doomed for failure. Hence, why I ended all of mine going in that direction, because my motto is "I'm not going to pick up where your parents fucked up."

Besides the dynamic I already mentioned suspecting to be at play in an older/younger relationship, I also suspect that the younger person is a "kept" person. Even if they amass their own wealth later on, they either start out as escorts, or are guys who live with an escort's mindset. You may even know of a few because they have been or are presently known porn actors.

The part of the discussion where I found myself enlightened was when most of the older guys mentioned how because of the breakout of the AIDS epidemic in the 80's, that they find it hard to find guys their own age. In this case, I find going for younger guys for a romantic relationship is understandable. But again, there's a limit one must put on themselves as to how far their junior or senior they will go. And figure out what in that person will make them break that rule, should they choose to do so.

Now those of you who have followed this blog long enough know that I don't do analysis like these without putting an analysis of myself on display.

With that being said, in my case, the reason why I allowed anything to begin with the younger person is because I'm a high energy person, who after all my years of living as a hermit before my coming out, I like to be social, and I LOVE to dance. With all that in mind, I need someone who will keep up with that high energy, and desire to be in social settings. Usually, the younger guy has that desire, BUT they are lacking in the intellectual prowess needed to keep me content. Now, the problem with most guys that I've dated my own age is that they don't have that high energy and social drive, so I end things because I know that they will quickly bore me, and make me seek that fulfillment elsewhere. Also, guys I come in contact with who are my age have led (and often still do lead) lives that have so worn down their appearance that paired with me, we will look like a older/younger relationship already. It's the fact that they often still lead those body deteriorating lives that makes the relationship a no-go. And please keep in mind that the body deteriorating lives they lead is not always drug and partying-related. It's actually more often job-related. Either way, it's unattractive to me to see a male allow himself to be worn down by anything other than Father Time.

Now, what I have said here may bother some of you, because it means that the only kind of relationship we can ever have should we meet would be in your fantasies. And I am actually quite proud to say that. Because I grew up in a household without a father in the home, and I have come to terms with it enough that I am not seeking a replacement for that missing father, NOR do I care to play that role for someone else. I need to call someone "my partner" with the mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional capacity to take on the powerhouse I am in all those characteristics. You can't be guiding me like a father to a child with it, and I can't be guiding you like you are my child. The only way it will work with me is for us to guide each other in a partnership fashion of lover-to-lover. For a romantic relationship, parenting fashion is not allowed here.

Good Tré, Evil Tré

These 2 halves of my face are from the same photo, and what I have written to describe each side are the mottoes I often used to tell the extremities of my behavior depending upon which side one motivates me to show them.

 

Try this on a picture of yourself, and see if you don't see your good and bad side looking right back at you. Some may be uncomfortable with this, but that's because they don't want to face how we all have 2 sides to us. These pictures show that it is on display for the world to see 24/7.

Isn't it AMAZING how God can make the good & evil in someone show at the very same time?

Write That Down #25

I recently posted this question on Formspring:
Which zodiac signs do you find that to get with, you are practically guaranteed great sex? I have my preferences, too. I'll answer my own question after the 1st answer.

One answer I got in response was:
"...Damn, you talk long enough to get a zodiac sign? Lol, I really don't pay attention"

While the person was making a joke based on how he doesn't follow astrology, it did bring one thing to mind ...of how little guys take time to know a one-night stand or "trick".

I say "guys" because I've always known my brain to work in a way of both a male and a female, and it's the female's way of thinking that makes me very likely have in-depth conversations before having sex with a guy, whether I meet a guy at a bar, club, and even the few I've met online. I will admit that it is at a sex party that the typical male in me surfaces, and cares less about in-depth discussions. That's because if I'm going to travel to you, with you, or have you travel to me, the self-respecting man that I am wants a good idea of who and what I'm allowing to have the pleasure of my company and body.

To be honest, some of my Facebook friends are what one would call "tricks"or "fuck-buddies". But after awhile of keeping in touch, while we're not exactly friends, we have had enough chats and conversations over time that I personally feel that to call them a "trick" or "fuck-buddy" is a bit disrespectful to their presence. I feel I need to come up with a new word to describe them. Something even better than "friends with benefits". The same way I recently came up with the term "inter-ethnic" in my opposition to the word "interracial".

That's why my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:

I actually hate the word, "trick". It seems void of humanity. And I feel that just because you're single, horny, and want actual human contact with another consenting adult, instead of your hand, or some sex toy, does not make you any less human. So I think the person who made up the word "trick" was either (a)single and down on themselves for being single and sexual (when being sexual, single or not, is more than natural); or (b)someone in a relationship who wanted to make themselves feel better than single people. When the truth is, those who need to say "I'm in a relationship" for the sake of feeling better about themselves are just that...NEEDY. Which makes them worst off than those who claim to be at peace being single.

Erotic Poetry: Red Light

A few of weeks ago, I had a tryst with a Brazilian that was a long time coming. We met at the bar, The Cock in NYC. We would make out heavily, then part ways. I knew I wasn't inviting him back to my place, mainly because of the long train ride to get there. The other reason was because after cleaning up, by the time I would run into him again, my room went back to looking like a tornado ripped through it. So with him so often the aggressor, I left him to make a suggestion. However, none was ever made. One night, we even went as far as riding the train together. And when his stop turned out being before mine, I thought this might be the night....Yet, there was no invitation to accompany him. These run-ins of making out to only lead to kisses "goodbye" at the end of the night went on for probably over a year.

When I thought to tell the story of how this long lusting finally got unleashed, I was still in "poet mode" after I just completed my upcoming poem, "The Industry, Part 1: Traded Love", so instead of a long detailed story, it became a poem instead. This is actually me taking on something new, because my past erotic poems have been me telling tales of fantasies and ones only inspired by actual events. This time, the event is not the inspiration for the story...

...This time, the event IS the story.

So I hope you enjoy reading and hearing me pop my cherry telling you a true erotic story through my poetry....


Red Light powered by XTube