A Tale of Two Emotions - 9/11

I am feeling 2 contrasting emotions at once today. Sadness over past fears, and simultaneously joy over how those past fears didn't come to fruition.

I try to live a life where I allow no human to be able to put me in fear. It's the reason I sound off on my blog the way I do, fully aware that some of the people I talk about, I can easily come face to face with. It is also the reason that I have the strength to question the ignorance of some in positions of authority, such as when I worked at Kenyon & Kenyon LLP.

But on that day, September 11, 2001, Osama Bin Laden had the extremely rare sadistic pleasure of putting me in fear. Fear that his sending people stupid and low enough on self-esteem to follow his rules of cowardice by not do his heinous plans himself would make me lose members of my family.

You see, at the time of 9/11, my sister worked in 7 World Trade Center, and on that very morning, her son, my oldest nephew went to her job before heading to his school in the same neighborhood. He left for his school not long before the planes had hit the Twin Towers. And with phone communications down, like for many, it was a waiting game for us to find out if my sister and nephew were safe.

Our concern grew as my sister's husband went to look for my sister. Well, to make a long story short, all 3 did make it back home to Brooklyn...physically safe at least. I say "physically safe" because my sister actually bared witness to seeing bodies fall from the Twin Towers. While my sister is alive, it is mental scarring like this inflicted upon her that made my dark side surface, and return to Osama Bin Laden the sadistic pleasure he got from putting us in fear when I heard on the news of his being killed.

So on this day, I am feeling the joy of being blessed. Yet at the same time, I'm feeling sadness partly because the emotion of fear from a human being's wrongdoing makes me feel weak. And that feeling of weakness makes me sad. The other reason I feel sad is for those who weren't blessed to have the outcome that I did with some or all of their family members being physically safe after such an ordeal.

It is for these reasons that I can't forget September 11, 2001. Because for me, it will always be a very real tale of 2 emotions ---sadness that for me, but not all, ends with joy.