S.O.S. - Save Our Sex

Yesterday, I got an email via Facebook from Pepper Mint. I was being asked to be one of the VIP celebs for the event "S.O.S.: Save Our Sex" to take part in its discussion about as the email says, "EVERYTHING that affects gay sex and the LGBT community."


I had a prior engagement that I was going to attend that was also of a very important topic, coming out stories. But being after taking note of the line-up, I felt I had to do my extremely rare action of reneging on my plans to attend the other engagement where I was to be just a guest in the crowd, and instead take part in this event where I could be an actual voice for all attending to hear.

For sadly, the fact is that for a NYC event, "S.O.S: Save Our Sex" seems to have a severe lack of color in its line-up. And with that absence of color in the line-up before my signing on, I'm sure that some topics were waaaay more than bound to be overlooked, or if thought about at all, easily swept under the rug. Hence why I took it upon myself to take advantage of the Facebook ad mentioning of submitting questions via Twitter to ask this question:

In response to my tweet, I got this reply from @SaveOurSexNY:

With that reply, I am looking forward to being a part of this event even more so than when I originally signed on. If you are in NYC, I hope to see you there as well.

Heading To D.C. For Brunch

Back in late April of 2011, I received an email from Nicholas Townson, one of the co-hosts of an online talk show called

He was inviting me to come to Baltimore, Maryland to do an interview on the show where it was based. And it seems that my reputation proceeds me. For I was told by Nicholas that I was asked because I "come across as telling it like its is in the porn biz for blk actors".

Since that email, things have changed. The show is now based in Washington, D.C., and has been picked up to be produced on DCTV. During the times they were in talks of this possibly happening, I was told that they preferred having me on the TV show rather than the online show. Hence the long worthwhile wait.

So now the time has come. And I am heading to Washington, D.C. this coming Saturday for a day-trip to do the interview with the Guys At Brunch, Nicholas Townson and Shawn Bradley.

As with my live Q & A appearances for MACT/NY, I promise to make this appearance with Guys At Brunch have the honesty of my blog once again coming to life. Because it's very easy to sit behind a keyboard and type some answers and give commentary. I have locked horns with many cowards in and out of the porn industry using the name "Anonymous" or some fake name because of such actions. But when you have the chance to hear someone's voice, look them in the eyes and see the honesty they spew, it changes the game to where it's no longer a game....It is now REAL.

If you watch past shows to check out Guy At Brunch on either their website or YouTube channel, you'll see why I'm so looking forward to my time with them on this trip. And I'll be sure to update you as to when and if you are able to see the finished product.

Write That Down #42

Over time, a lot of people have told me that I look great for my age, which in case you didn't know, I am presently 40, and will turn 41 come the very end of March. This is not me blowing my own horn, but look at how much I've aged from the early 1990s till now:

When asked what do I do to keep myself looking so young, I always tell people that I live by a motto on a mug my late grandmother had that said, "Don't Let The Bastards Wear You Down". The fact is my living a life of not letting people get to me is only part of what helps me to maintain my youthful appearance. The problem is if I tell the other part to the people complimenting me, I'll probably scream at them to the top of my lungs. Because another part of what keeps my youthful appearance is the fact that I'm seldom to never do what they themselves are doing when they ask me.

You see, most of the people who ask me "What's your secret?" are people I meet who are in the midst of drinking way more than me, standing outside smoking, or doing drugs at a get-together while I'm drug-free. And some are White who along with one or more of the aforementioned, obviously frequent some tanning salon. So they just give the "Black don't crack" excuse for my more youthful appearance, rather than deal with the fact of how all those things are causing their inability to age well.


In short, they're doing one or more of the few things that the health news has yet to backpedal on in telling you how some or too much of it is bad for you.


My looking so young is actually what helped to start my time in porn, and what gets some asking if I'll make a return. It's also part of the reason why I'm seldom attracted to guys my own age. Because too many males my age are worn-down-looking, and look old enough to be my father rather than my boyfriend. So I instead wind up getting involved with 20-something losers like the guy from "Paying (Ends---My 'Friend')", who I am now realizing are nothing more the younger versions of the guys my own age before the alcohol, smoking, drugs, and/or tanning took their toll.


Now, any American adult knows that America is a youth-obsessed society, and the gay community worldwide is even more obsessed with youth than the straight majority. With that being the case, that's why my latest "Write That Down" quote asks:


If gay males hate aging soooo much, then why the fuck are so many of them heavy drinkers, drug users, smokers, and frequenting tanning salons? ...ALL of which speed up the aging process.

Please don't ask me what the reason is, because I don't have a solid answer for you. The best I can gather is that many gays have a self-destructive streak because they still harbor the parental, regional, and/or religion-induced shame over their homosexuality that I lost pretty much the moment I came out to myself. In short, they have yet to grow up, and love themselves. So until they decide to accept AND love themselves, be they 20-somethings and beyond, I'll continue to revel in my single status, and not love them either.


Because if they don't find themselves worth acceptance and love,...then why should I?

Porn, ...KISS!

I closed 2011 quite proud of myself. I continued to sever my ties with people in the porn industry. And the severing continued in the dawn of 2012, as I upped the ante by deleting double-digit gigabytes of porn off my hard-drive and unfollowing some of the porn-related personalities that I was following on Twitter. For I felt with them, there was too much contradiction and pandering to the porn powers-that-be, as well as praising of sexually depraved behavior, like same-sex incest and humiliation of bottoms.

Some people have told me that I seem bitter and angry about leaving the porn industry. What if I am? For if these people would open their eyes, they would see that I have good reason to be.

I know that I have said this many times before. but for this I must re-iterate - I entered the porn industry before coming out gay or bisexual was as mainstream as it is today. With that being the case, the porn industry was my way to be symbolic of someone comfortable with his homosexuality for those who were in "orientation-limbo" like I once was, yet fearful to admitting to their own homosexuality. My plan was to use interviews as my voice to the public telling how I overcame my religion-induced shame and suicidal thoughts to be the sexually-liberated man I have become. It was my blogging that became more of a voice, but the fact remains my being in porn is how that voice was able to reach the public.

However, the porn industry showed itself to have no interest in such a plight as mine, and became practically every negative stigma associated with it. From the rampant drug use, to the pimp/prostitute relationship of director and porn actor, to the desperation for validation. And I admit that I have allowed the 2nd, and am more than guilty of the 3rd. So considering my noble reasons for entering the porn industry, should I not feel bitter about needing to leave? Should I not be angry that the porn industry showed itself to be such an ugly environment when I tried giving it the benefit of the doubt?

Truth is, I have every right be seething with bitterness and anger.

And if you don't understand why, imagine YOURSELF in my position. Maybe you've lived it already, but just won't admit to it.

See a business in which feel you can be an asset to becomes the launchpad for you voicing your convictions. Yet, it turns out to not be at all the good things you had hoped to associate yourself with. In fact, it is such a total opposite that you find yourself needing to part ways with it. Wouldn't you find yourself bitter and angry towards it? And if thinking of a business doesn't help you to understand the situation, then use a significant other as an example. What if it was a significant other that you felt with whom you found your voice, broke out of your shell, and came into your own? Then after investing so much of yourself in that person, that person turns out to not be the great individual you originally thought you were associating with?

Now, if you can't understand why I may come off bitter and angry with examples such as that, then it's simple - you are an idiot and a hopeless case. Because that says it all.

I must also call out these people who want to call me bitter and angry after leaving the porn industry, and further their foolishness by saying to me, "Why don't you stop complaining and do something about it? Why don't you start your own company?"

Such a line is that of a pimp, a punk, and a side-seat-driver with their own lives, because these people are sitting on the sidelines watching me and calling me "bitter and angry", meanwhile:
(1)they refuse to acknowledge that by my speaking out about the wrongs I have seen, I am doing plenty more to change the industry than the people presently connected to the porn industry are doing. Those connected to the industry being not just producers, directors, and actors, but porn bloggers as well. Hence why I have severed my ties with so many of them. Sure, some studios are bringing more people of color into varying roles. But it says a lot about their lack of character for it to take losing money by way a recession and pirating of their overpriced product for them to give men of color a better try; and
(2) any adult with common sense knows that it takes money to make money. And with the chump change people of color are given in the porn industry, it is geared for us to never start our own company. So the only alternatives would be a) allow myself to be backed by a modern-day slave owner like Phil Bleicher of FlavaWorks, or b)save up money by turning a gazillion tricks as a prostitute - off-camera AND on, or c)something else illegal. And porn is not important enough for me to contradict my respect for sex by having it with numerous people I am not attracted to all for the sake of funding my own porn company for your entertainment.

So if you want a porn company so bad, you get your trollish ass out there and turn tricks to fund it! Stop living on the sidelines looking for someone else to do your dirty work!

With all that said, what makes me angry are drama-seekers. Such as anyone nowadays claiming that I'm bitter and angry. For I am not bitter and angry about leaving porn. I will admit that initially I was, but since the better things that have come my way since (such as what 2011 brought my way), that bitterness and anger is gone, and has now morphed into disappointment. And for the reasons I stated earlier for having a right to be bitter and angry, those same reasons now justify my disappointment.

While I still do and always will have my dark side, there is a light in my life now guiding me to better days. So that time in porn doesn't cripple me from seeing, grasping, and holding on to the great prospects ahead.

Reality Show's Under Cover Sex

As my loyal readers know, I recently applied to be on a reality show. No word yet on whether on not I'm even in the running. But considering the story I have to share, I should be. However, that's not the point of this post.

One thing I've always wondered about on reality shows is the sex that happens between housemates and guests to the house on shows like "Big Brother" and "The Real World".

 I'm not a viewer of either show, but I have over time come across videos of the sex from international versions of "Big Brother" on porn tube sites. With many of these videos, one common thing I see in an overwhelming majority of them is that they often cocooned themselves with a sheet and/or bedspread while having sex - even when they're in a room alone.

Like in this clip from Big Brother Finland. It's almost 26 minutes long, but you can easily fast forward through it to see what I mean.

What is the purpose of the hiding? With all the accompanying moans, and the up and down motion of the sheets, we all know what's going on under there.

Someone is poking a hole and getting somebody's yum-yumms.

Is covering up during sex the producers' idea to avoid being accused of being a porn producer? Or is this the housemates idea to avoid some level of porn stardom? Either way, it seems like some level of shame on someone's part.

I don't need to look it up in a dictionary to know that porn is simply audio and visual material created with the intent to sexually stimulate. And the fact is you're on a TV show that has cameras in every room watching you 24/7. So unless you plan on being celibate while in that reality TV house, if you have sex while you're there, you should expect to get some level of porn stardom to come with the package. Because even if you sign a contract saying such footage won't be shown, the fact is leaks happen. That's just common sense ...if you're smart enough to look at the big picture.

As you can see from the above clip, the reason most of this sex even though under covers winds up on porn tube sites is because of the little peaks we're allowed of either genitalia and/or penetration. But I must say, what's worse is that if you're on a reality show, and the sex you have can be seen on YouTube.  

Now, if the sex you have on a reality show can be seen on YouTube, even with their age-restriction rules, then you are doing it WRONG!!!!

If you're wondering what my whole issue with these guys covering up during sex is, it's this:
My goal with any sex I have is to be unforgettable. So if I was on a reality show and hooked-up with you, it may be the only time I have with you, which as with any one-night stand, would make me more eager to give you the best of my lust-filled sexual prowess without being in a relationship so you won't forget it. And for me, giving you that "best" is to be as natural as possible - by way of things like, not just me hearing you, and you hearing me. But also me seeing you, and you seeing me. Therefore by my standards, me and you going at it cocooned under a sheet in a dark room is not us giving one another that best. And I don't want the cameras to be what makes the experience unforgettable. I want it to be that I was unforgettable. 

So with me having sex on a reality show, you would probably end up with videos like this from Big Brother Hungary:

But even more likely, because I like sex with the lights on so I can see all there is to marvel at about my sex partner, my sex on a reality show would be more like this from Big Brother Russia:

And I don't believe my porn past has anything to do with my "No Cover" policy during sex. Nor do I think it's because of my exhibitionist spirit that I would be so free. Truth be told, I've had sex that started out under the covers. But no matter how many tame positions we do during that tryst, we're always out of the covers by the the end. It's simply because like George Michael says in his 1980's hit song "I Want Your Sex", ..."Sex is natural/Sex is fun". And where's the fun in trying to multi-task in holding a sheet over over heads. I do enough multi-tasking in trying to pleasure numerous parts of my sex partner simultaneously. Plus, after all those years of acting like a religious uptight about sex while my nature said otherwise, I've now reached a point of being real about sex where I believe let your actions speak the truth. That truth being...

...we're all adults here. So let's grow up and live with the

FACT ....ADULTS FUCK!!!!

Write That Down #41

We as humans have always been users of the arts to both express and hide our pain, be it by singing, writing, composing, dancing, drawing, acting, etc. But nowadays, along with drugs (some of which are FDA approved), we are also using people as tools for hiding our pain a lot more frequently. And sometimes that using of people is by way of sex.

This using of people for sex has reached such a sad level that people aren't just having sex with people claiming it's to numb some pain. It's now at a point where the line, "Sexuality is fluid"  has become common place over the past few years. With people crossing their own natural orientations, and accepting when people do it. Pathetically so, this is especially true in the gay community with sell-outs to humanity by way of being porn producers, directors, actors, and patrons deciding to greenlight the "gay-for-pay" concept in porn, and prostitution, as well as for the sake of tolerating those living "on the down low".

Sexuality is NOT fluid. As a member of free society, you are not straight today and gay tomorrow just because you're horny or for a porn or escorting gig, then back to straight when the tryst is over. ANY member of the gay community adopting this concept is undoing all of the work that gay rights activist have done in getting mainstream society to accept us. But it is quite hypocritcal of the gay community to want the straight majority to accept us when we do things like adopt lines like "sexuality is fluid", for anyone who says it or believes it is not accepting of themselves.

And this also goes for those out there who claim they don't like labels, so they call themselves "sexual". I know that I brought this point up before, and I will bring it up again. The fact is there are times when labels go into overkill. However, in regards to sexual orientation, the word "sexual" is too broad a spectrum, so labels are VERY MUCH necessary. For let's get real as I always do...

A pedophile is SEXUAL.
Someone into bestiality is SEXUAL.
Someone who practices incest is SEXUAL.
A child molester is SEXUAL.
A rapist is SEXUAL.

And it is for this reason why people who call themselves "sexual" or claim "sexuality is fluid" are people who subconsciously confess that their sexual behavior is behavior that cannot be trusted. I'm not saying that someone who labels their sexual orientation is incapable of sexual depravity, but avoiding that much needed label does paint a bigger target on your back for suspicion of sexually depraved actions. For it says that you are hiding something, if not from others, then from yourself. And if you're not man or woman enough to face and love who you are, why should anyone else?

Remember, I define myself as a predominately gay bisexual. Why? Because I am well aware that my sexuality is not "fluid", and I have enough pride in myself to not hide it behind too broad a definition. It doesn't switch from gay to straight in a moment's notice like that line "sexuality is fluid" insinuates. No matter how horny I am, if I am in the mood to poke a hole, most likely it's the hole of a man's ass that I'm looking to poke. I'm not going to poke a beautiful woman's pussy just because she offers it while I'm in a poking mood. She must inspire that straight part of me to surface. For I have a respect for sex that won't let me enter you or let you in me unless that gender-specific and physical attraction are BOTH present.

With all this in mind, that is why my latest "Write That Down" quote reads:
"Sexuality is fluid" is a line made to cover up how empty the sayer and believer is inside. For those of us with enough respect for sex to give it only to someone we're attracted to would NEVER say or believe such a thing.