Sex & Pain,...Some Gain?

I've mentioned in numerous Facebook updates and tweets since the day it happened as to how I was flogged at this year's Folsom Street East. As for those of you who don't know what "flogging" is, it's a term used by those in the BDSM & leather communities for "whipping". How this came about is me being too honest for my own damn good.

I was volunteering again to be part of the set-up crew for Folsom Street East. My friend, Ben Marksman stopped by late enough in my shift that I brought him in to walk around a check out the set-up process for a bit. As we were walking, we came upon a S & M exhibitor who Ben remembered meeting about 5 years prior...for putting clothespins on Ben's then boyfriend. While Ben went over to talk to the exhibitor, I just stood there silently. The exhibitor then looks over at me, and taps the wooden X-shaped apparatus, and says to me, "You would look very good on this."

I've said before that S & M is not my thing, so my way of easing out of this was to use my wearing street clothes at the moment by replying, "Uh,...when I get undressed for the event, sure."

Ben laughed when he heard me say this, because he knew I was being full of it...Or was I?

As the event progressed, I walked around with Ben. At one point, we came near that S & M exhibitor again.   This is when my being too honest for my own damn good came to whip my ass literally.

For I could have easily walked around the area, and the S & M exhibitor could have forgot all about me. But what do I do instead? I walk right into his sights, so he could motion for me. Why? Because like Jim Carrey's character in the movie "Liar, Liar", no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't lie. And I did say that once I got undressed for the event, that I would come by, and even though I was bullshitting, my conscience said, "You said it! Now do it, bitch!"

As subconsciously figured, the guy did motion for me, and so I gave myself to this flogging demonstration as promised. And the following video is the result.

Before I get back to the main idea of this post, there are a couple of things I must address...

1)With my skin color, plus the flogger being a light-complexioned Latino, I was well aware that someone who either doesn't take the time to realize that he was Latino, and/or is still stuck in time, could easily be taken back to thinking of slavery times as they see that whip hit my backside. So I was also well aware that some racist pricks were probably getting a chubby seeing this. Well, as you can see, even with those things in mind, I still threw myself into this experiment. For it's 2012, and there are times to stop letting that horrid past guide what you try in this present.
2)What the fuck is wrong with the 3 dumb mother fuckers who walked right into my flogging - the older guy, and the 2 queens?! The older guy, because of his age, I have no words for, since he should have known better. But as for the 2 latter queens (the bald dude in the rocker jeans and the guy with the man-purse), my use of the word "queens" is meant to be condescending. Because if drunkenness was the reason, then you shouldn't be that drunk, especially in public, to not realize you're bordering on walking into a harmful situation. And if your "queen" mentality has you thinking that because it's an gay event, you can walk wherever you want with no harm coming to you, remember it is only a gay event, and you are only human. You are not Superman. So if that whip hits you, that skin treatment you got at your favorite male spa will get undone with a well-deserved whelp.

Now, back to the main idea...

As the saying goes, "No pain...no gain". Well, with this pain I did gain something. Knowledge - on a couple of things. For one, knowledge of my tolerance of pain when my adrenaline is pumping. My adrenaline was pumping because of the erotic performer is what you and all those other people were seeing. I was in no way turned on by those lashes to my back and ass. However, I was well aware that some people there, and those of you as you watched that video got a tingle in your cocks seeing my ass cheeks jiggle from the spanks and rides of the whip against my ass. There's no shame in admitting that you shifted your focus in order to bear watching the video. For I obviously shifted my focus to endure taking those lashes.

The other bit of knowledge is one I'm sure those into this scene won't like to hear. For I gained further confirmation of what I have always thought of BDSM.

I HATE being bound because I want my body free to express my enjoyment of my partner.
I HATE to dominate or be dominated like in a pet/owner or parent/child relationship because we are adult human beings, and not to be one another's property. And
I HATE to so much as play cruel to my partner.

I think the main reason I gave myself to this demonstration is because subconsciously I wanted to know firsthand, if I was being too harsh in my summation of people who partake of such practices. That summation being that S & M being the result of someone taking verbal and/or physical abuse from their lives, and incorporating it into their sex lives as a coping mechanism. This is only natural for me to feel this way because I see sex as an act of beauty that brings pleasure to ALL parties. Not pain. And I find no pleasure in giving pain to or receiving pain from my partner(s). The only pain I will accept is that of either a dick entering my tight ass, or me bottoming for a very long time for a guy who I really want to be with. Otherwise, if pain as intense as that from flogging makes its way into the equation of what one constitutes as a sexual act, then one must ask themselves "why?"

When I told all this to another friend of mine, he said that he found it weird that someone as sexually liberated as myself to be so judgmental about BDSM. Now, I'm not one to reveal my "summations" publicly, even to friends, unless I can bet my life on how they're actually indisputable facts people want to call "theories" for the sake of once again - coping. This blog and debates I've gotten into afterwards are proof of that. And besides the fact that EVERY person I have met thus far who does S & M has abuse in their past, I couldn't find the exact words to defend my strong feelings about flogging, S & M, etc. then,...but I have them now...

...And the fact is there is a big difference between being sexually liberated and being accepting of yourself or someone else sexualizing a trauma to cope.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON when told of my being flogged at Folsom Street East asked me if it hurt. I initially found it to be a stupid question, because of course it hurt. But the fact is most who have not sexualized their trauma view sex as I do on some level - an act of beauty that brings pleasure to ALL parties. Not pain. And I find no pleasure in giving or receiving pain to my partner. For there is enough bullying and cruelty for overcompensation's sake in this world before and after sex with my partner. I have no desire to bring those negative things into my sexual unions, even if it's a one-night stand. For sex should be the time we allow our minds AND bodies to escape those negative behaviors, and feel instead the utmost bliss.

And in closing, speaking of bliss, can someone find out who that guy is in the black t-shirt sucking on that lollipop?

I had no idea someone that damn hot was looking at me. And since his sexy self seems to be enjoying the view so much, if you know him, let him know that he is welcome to a personal feeling and viewing of my ass....from overhead as he fucks me doggy-style. And if he must do pain, that he's only allowed the same pain I mentioned tolerating earlier. As long as he doesn't try to bring out whips and ropes to tie me up, ...I can see the next home sex video I want to make.

This may go against the BDSM rules, but this is my body, my rules. So I'm dominating damnit!

Pumping Inside You, Ice - The Last Fleshjack

Some of you may be saying, "Didn't you say that you retired from doing porn?"

WRONG! This is why people need to pay attention to the words in front of them. For the words that I have repeatedly said is that I am retired from doing studio-based porn. In fact, almost (if not) everytime I wrote the words "studio-based", they were either italicized and/or in bold type to highlight that point.

Now, for the right studio under the right conditions (mainly an escort-free pairing and good working conditions for their models), my exhibitionist spirit will have no problem coming out of retirement, and working for a porn studio. But as long as my sexual tools work, my exhibitionist spirit has no problem with making a home video, be it a solo, 1-on-1, or a group. It's the reason why my Xtube, RocketTube, and GayForIt accounts are still active, hence the tabs on the top of this blog. For even if I became an Oscar-winning actor, I will always openly celebrate human sexuality. Now, on to the main idea of this posting.

Many of you who have followed me since my days in the gay porn industry are well aware of my Fleshjack videos on various tube sites. Well, during my days in porn, I have tried directing the people at Fleshjack to the those videos, which might I add are quite well received. However, the people at Fleshjack decided to do then as they do now - stick to the white aesthetic.

Whether it's Brent Everett, Brent Corrigan, Pierre Bitch, I mean, Ftich, the Visconti Triplets, Bel Ami models, or Next Door Studio models - Fleshjack  is sticking to their light-complexioned color scheme. 

Bi-racial Austin Wilde was thrown in just for the sake of saying they're not racist. Which explains Race Cooper as the token dark-complexioned model in their "contest" for the next Fleshjack model.

So my feeling is if Fleshjack is going to dismiss the sexual prowess of people of natural color, (unlike those pasty white models who sit in a tanning bed, or get spray tanned), then why should I or any other person of color make their product look good with our home videos that Fleshjack never pays attention to?

The point is WE SHOULD NOT.

Since I am now at a point in my post-porn life where I could care less what response I get from them for the video I have made below, I'm sure many of you are wondering...why make this video? It's to make a point. This is my send-off to making videos of me using a Fleshjack or any other sex toy from a company run by racist pigs that refuse to show non-Whites AND darker men of color as valued costumers and sexually desirable representatives of their product.

For as you will see from this video, us non-Whites and darker men of color can be just as sexually arousing by our displaying the use of their products,...if not more so. ;-)

Lecherous World of Kept Boy

As the weekend is upon us, and we venture out into nightlife, one thing we are bound to see ---kept men and their sugar daddies.

The common term "kept men" is quite false, because the fact is that while they are "kept", the fact that they've allowed themselves to be kept makes them faaaarrr from being men. So while the more accurate term would be "kept faggot", I'll keep the same number of syllables by calling them "kept boys".

And the term sugar daddy isn't very accurate either, for sugar is natural product of sweet taste. And a sugar daddy is only "sweet" in the ugly, materialistic heart of a faggot looking to be kept. Allowing oneself to settle for this isn't much of a sign of maturity, therefore manhood. So we can't be right in calling them "old men" or "older men". Let's just call them "old guys", because while a "man" is someone special, a "guy" is nothing special.

You see them all over the bars and clubs. Either seeking each other out, or finally paired. The usual target for the wannabe-kept boy is an old White guy. For practically all cultures still in 2012 instill in their young that Whites have all the money. So if you're a non-White who hates not being white, DON'T. For not being White lessens the chance of that bullseye being painted all over you in a bad way by practically every culture on the planet to use you simply for what they can gain from your money, then throw you away. However, if you are older, not White, but have noticeable wealth, you will find yourself to be a target as well.

While the old guy targeted by the boy wanting to be kept is usually White, the boy wanting to be kept can be of any ethnicity. However, the ones usually successful at acquiring the old guy is usually of a light-complexioned ethnicity. This is because the old guy is a slave to what gay media still teaches of how light is the only beauty. I know I've said this numerous times before. But sadly, I will have no choice but to keep saying it until it is no longer true. Even though, once again, whether you are target to become the keeper or the kept, it is again more of a massive blessing to not be light.

However this relationship comes about, be it by a bar/club meeting, online, or on the job of a young guy fucking his older boss, or even by chance, the sad fact is many of these young guys gave dick to, or took dick from an older guy to get where they are. Some have become porn producers, nightlife promoters, DJs, actors, photographers, this list of occupations goes on and on. It happens so often, that until I learn the backstory of the person, I'm not an admirer of what they claim to have "accomplished". For what's to admire in someone who uses someone by using their bodies in the intimate act of sex in order to acquire what they want? Truth is there is nothing to admire. For it wasn't obtained in the most honorable way ----all on their own by THEIR OWN HARD WORK.

With that in mind, it should be no surprise that these relationship don't last long, and I'm sure drugs and/or alcohol play into the tale, and that includes marijuana, with increased usage the longer the "relationship" lasts. After all, both parties have to try numbing themselves to this loveless situation they've put themselves in. A situation where both are leeches. The kept guy is leeching off of the old guy's wealth and lifestyle, and the old guy is leeching off of his kept boy's youth. So they're living a so-called life of amassing material wealth, but at the expense of their mental, spiritual, and character wealth. Plus, you're both using someone, and as much you may try to overlook it, the longer the play the game, the harder Karma is going to bite both of you in the ass. Maybe to the point of taking some flesh off with her teeth.

Considering all this, whether you're considering being the keeper or the kept, is this the life that seems truly prosperous to you? I hope not. But if it does,...

Prince Albert Goes Inside

The Prince Albert.

The name given to the piercing some guys get in the head of their dick. I've sucked on a couple of guys with them, so that curiosity is satisfied. What one sexual curiosity about the Prince Albert I've had that has not been fulfilled is...

...What does it feel like to bottom for a guy with one?

I've been curious about this for the longest. Ever since I sucked on my 1st cock with a Prince Albert. After all, I'm one of those guys who if I suck your dick, you can take it as an invitation to fuck my ass.

This guy and I have been talking about hooking up for awhile now. Recently, we finally made it come to fruition. But I needed some time after the hook-up to figure out how to explain my experience with this guy's Prince Albert. Because there were some unexpected occurrences during the course of our playtime.

As soon as I walked in the door, we started making out. It didn't take long before we were naked. After my poem "The Hair Down There", all of the hair on from his chest to his treasure trail was a welcome sight. However, an unexpected sight was seeing that treasure trail lead to a pierced cock. Part of the surprise was not only because his cock was pierced, but because he never showed his cock in his online pics. With that being the case, you have guessed correct to believe this hook-up was originally intended to have me as a top. This led to the other unexpected occurrences.

Our emails and text messages to each other made it clear that he was lusting for my dick, and I was lusting for his hole. So the next surprise was him moving behind me, and grinding against my ass. I have no problem with a bottom admiring my ass. It's just that I personally never do it unless I have plans to fuck his hole. We then laid down on the bed, still making out, my dick was getting hard believing it would soon be engulfed in the warmth of his hole. He laid me on my back, and started sucking me off. Now this is what I believe a bottom does to prepare his top. And he was that great rarity - he knew how to suck cock, and suck it well. Well enough that my dick immediately got rock hard. But then I felt the oddity return.

He started fingering around my asshole, then he put my legs up in the air, and started eating my hole. I gave myself the excuse that he was one of those bottoms that liked to eat his top's ass. Well, he liked to eat ass, but for a reason. He wanted it wet. He reached over and put some lube on his cock, then ate my ass some more. When he came up again, he got more lube. However, this time ----he put the lube on my ass. This was the next unexpected occurrence. He dick was now stiff as a board, and he put it against my tight hole. His cock was so hard that it went it easily into my well-lubed ass. The difference of him having a Prince Albert was that 2 rounded edges slipped into my hole and then rubbed against the walls of my ass tunnel - The 1st from the Prince Albert, then the 2nd from his cock. And FYI - both were thick.

I like pleasant surprises during sex. Hence why I douched before coming to his place, even though I was expecting to top. I thought what if we have so much fun, he decides to invite someone else to the mix after we're done, and that someone wanted to top us both. Instead, there was no other person. It was just the 2 of us, and I somehow became the bottom. And it wasn't because my dick wasn't hard. Quite the opposite. It was just something about my ass made him want in. This wasn't the first time such a thing has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I believe that since I'm not an overcompensating macho top or a "don't-touch-my-cock" bottom, I give off the vibe of my sexual open-mindedness to change up the schedule, and it makes some guys feel comfortable changing up the plans should the mood strike.

Well, I don't regret changing up the plans one bit. For as with most guys who are either total bottoms or versatile bottoms, our acting on the combined knowledge of what works because we've both been in the other's position made the sex AMAZING. His Prince Albert might have contributed to his loud orgasm. One that was so loud that had the wall behind his bed been adjacent to a room with anyone in it, we would have without a doubt had an auditory audience. And who knows, maybe his volume of his moans traveled so that we did regardless. Also, even with the air-conditioner on, he was drenched as if he was a rain cloud that just did a downpour on me. And my kink for wet bodies is part of the reason why while we were both exhausted, I can't speak for him, but with my exhaustion, I could have easily went for another round...or two.

So after much wondering, I have finally experienced bottoming for a guy with a Prince Albert. Was it any different than a guy without one? I honestly don't think so. I believe it did more for him than it did for me. Because it has long been said and proven that the brain is the most sensitive sex organ. It's why the weak-minded are so easily taught attraction. But with my strong mind, the intensity I experienced was more about my intense attraction to him, not his pierced cock that we're told gives us more sensation to the person being thrusted into. So I believe no matter how many times we fuck, Prince Albert or not, as long as that attraction to him is there,....I'm going to like that dick.

GoW on Gay Porn (UPDATED)

This episode of "The Gates of WiL" on NotStr8.tv is now online for viewing anytime. I was interviewed on a topic the we as gay males all know well--- GAY PORN.

This is an episode you need to watch whether you're a fan, in the porn business, or a fan considering entering the porn business. Because as I do with this blog, I will keep it real by telling you the good, bad, and the ugly....Holding back NOTHING!

There is also a video and audio podcast of this episode that you can download.

http://www.notstr8.tv/shows/gow-5/

Dope Dick

Just about every gay male and straight female who has spent time with an alcoholic and/or drug user knows of what I'm about to tell you. With alcoholics, it's called "whiskey dick". With cocaine users, it's called "coke dick". With other drugs, I don't know what it's called. But since all of it takes an idiot to repeatedly put themselves in these situations where alcohol/drug prohibits the guy from being able to "perform" sexually, I have simplified it all with the term "dope dick".

The term "dope dick" is already in use in the Urban Dictionary. However, I think my reasoning behind defining it as such is better than any meanings they have listed.

For instance, my most loyal readers may recall my blog post from September 2007 The Cock-Adieu-I Do and Coke-I-Don't. Well besides that patience trying incident with a drug user, there was another that I never spoke of.

One night out, I met a guy who was kind of husky, but I still found myself attracted to him. This was odd because husky guys who can be healthy are not at all my ideal body type in a sex partner. It was probably for this reason that when he invited me back to his place, I went along. For as a single man, I like being taken out of my routine type every once in awhile. Just present yourself with the heart to inspire it. Also keep in mind that this was before I became as versatile as I am now, so I was still more of a bottom. Anyway, we get back to his place, start fooling around, and when it comes time for him to get hard, after all my fondling, and sucking on his dick ---no reaction. At this point he confess, "I did a little coke earlier. I'm sorry."

But wait! IT GETS BETTER!

This was after 3 a.m., and then he tells me, "I don't feel comfortable having strangers staying in my bed. Sorry, I know I'm being a dick", which means not only am I not getting the dick that I came back there for because his drug addicted ass can't get it up. But to top it all off, he was enough of a fuck-faced faggot to send me home after 3 a.m. from as far as he knows, an unfamiliar spot!

This warranted my response to his self-proclaiming of him being a dick with me saying, "Well, at least you know that much about yourself." So after I left his apartment with his repeat apologies that was about to get me to bloody up his apartment with his own busted skull, I made my way home. Luckily, I knew the area enough to know where to go.

I must confess that I am no stranger to being the dope who gets "dope dick". So my right to damn the stupidity of getting dope dick comes from my being on both sides of the situation. I met this cute French guy who was here on vacation. We were fooling around in a group in a bar bathroom, but as things progressed, I could see that we took a greater liking to each other. All that time, my dick was doing a see-saw of hard and soft. It was like my brain was trying to decide that although I wasn't drunk, whether or not to let the alcohol take hold of my cock's ability to get hard. Afterwards, we discovered that we had to go home not only on the same train, but get off at the same stop. So we rode the train together. After we got off, he invited back to where he was staying. I loved seeing his naked body, but the see-sawing of my dick continued.

We got to the point of where he positioned himself to bottom for me. I looked at his ass, while stroking my dick, and I got hard. But the moment I paused to put a condom on, the see-sawing of my dick had it go down. I did have one try where I was able to get inside him for a good 30 seconds. And though he seemed to love it, it wasn't enough time to stimulate me to stay hard. So the attempts at putting on the condom kept happening to me about 2 or 3 more times to where all we were left with was jerking off.

It is for reasons such as this that make guys go bareback when they shouldn't. Because if I could have avoided that condom, or been dishonest enough to pretend to wear it and fuck him raw, my dick would have been in his little French bubble butt while turning him in all directions to do the Gay Kama Sutra.

What made me think I had a shot was because when I drink, my alcohol drink of choice is seldom the only drink all night. I go back and forth between alcohol drink, then water or soda, alcohol drink, then water or soda, and I repeat that switch all night. And even though I only did it like 3 times, I probably didn't have enough in my stomach for that to work in its usual capacity. Hence the see-sawing of my erections all night.

I'm not a constant drinker. I am not an alcoholic by any means. So this was the night I discovered that I was susceptible to whiskey dick. Had I known before what I know now, I would have never went home with that French guy, because I would have known that I couldn't perform. So why waste both of ours time? What I fault those other guys for is the fact that by their reactions to the cocaine's effect on them, they've done this before. So it's quite likely that they've disappointed others as well.

Like I said before,I'm no stranger to being the dope who gets "dope dick". So from this incident with me as "the dope", my right to damn the imbecility of it comes from my being on both sides of the situation, AND unlike most, owning it.

So with all that in mind, I’d like to close not with a poem to sum up all I have said here, appropriately titled,