How many times have you went online for a hook-up, and when a guy you've wanted responds, especially after a number of miss chances, you get a message saying, "I'm here with 'so-and-so'. Come join..."?Burying your annoyance deep inside because truth be told, when you hit the person up, you wanted him...alone.
So playing along with this makes you have to go to that other person's profile and see if they are of interests to you. And sometimes they're not. However, whether it's out of extreme horniness or you felt a connection beyond sexual that's so strong in your interaction with that initial person, that in spite of that voice in your head saying that other person is a bad idea, you agree to meet up. That is actually how my last "Sex Party Etiquette" post started out.
Me and the host spoke a few times before, but nothing came to fruition. Then we had an exchange before I went out the door that night. On my way home, out of boredom, I went to the website on my phone, and saw he finally responded to the message I sent after a couple of hours later. Don't you fuckin' hate that? So like too many guys, he dragged his feet in replying. And they wonder why they end up alone when they don't respect someone else's time. I mean, just because someone is a one-night stand, that doesn't make them any less human, or their time any less valuable.
Anyway, when I replied back to that message, he replied telling me in the body of the message that he had the other guy there --- the guy who would later become the ill-mannered, popper-addicted asswipe of "Mi Casa AIN'T Su Casa, Bitch!"
Why is this wrong?
Because when you hit someone up online, unless it is a couple's profile, you are looking for that one single person ALONE. Not that person and somebody else. When you open up an email to read its body all to discover that somebody else is already there, even if we don't want to admit it to them or ourselves, we feel cheated. And we have every right to feel as such.
The reason we won't admit to feeling cheated is because this degree of self-loathing by accommodating those invitations to 3-ways without question has become a sad degree of normal. With that said, before I continue, let me include calling out myself as a perpetrator of this self-loathing, ignorant behavior. So when the opportunity presents itself, we and the hosts both continue the chain of selfishness and self-loathing in ourselves, and we enable the selfishness of these hosts.
This is especially true if you and/or the host is drunk/high on something. Be it alcohol, marijuana, poppers, or harder drugs, because your brains are not right. So if you have a normal code of decency that makes you think about your self-worth, as well as the feelings of other people involved, lust plus that chemical(s) are going to impair your judgment.
Some might be quick to say that this post was written out of spite, because of the bad experience from my last "Sex Party Etiquette" post. Well, let me tell you how you're quite wrong. If anything, that bad experience opened my eyes to look at the root of that situation, and how far back that bad root dated. It made me see how I've always felt slighted by someone offering me an invitation when there's already someone else there. For proper etiquette would be to indicate that other person's presence beforehand by the host telling it in his profile, or in the subject line of his email. However, due to their mishandling, I always felt that all of those hosts snuck that information about that other person in the body of the email because subconsciously they knew they were being selfish at my (and maybe the other person's) expense.
These hosts know they're trying to trap you. They knew you really want only them. But they want to have their cake and eat it too. So they feel if they build your anticipation up enough, when they spring that other person on you, you'll want them so much that you won't say "No"...like you should. And that is how I ended up in that fix. Me led by a person with a weak and selfish mind to show myself having a moment of a weaker mind. Well, those days are gone. Hence why I am writing this post.
This post is meant to let you know that such a person is looking to boost their sexual ego at your expense. And for that, their ego needs to be deflated. So the next time you receive an invitation where another party is not told to you beforehand by the person's profile, or subject line of their message, drop them like a hot potato. For they deserve to be taught that lesson of how you are a human being. One who also has a craving for intimacy. Intimacy where you should not be tricked into the idea of "three's company". Intimacy where, at least for the initial encounter, the old saying still applies...of how "Two's company, and three's a crowd."
Great post!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I feel this is one of many under-discussed topics in the gay community. One in which we need to realized how we are disrespecting each other, AND ourselves.
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