Evolution of My Bottoming

Back in my porn days, during one of my too many visits to Lucas Entertainment, Michael Lucas asked me if I could cum while being fucked. I told him sometimes. Well, the fact is that was a lie... then.

It's quite rare that I lie, but one of the few times I do is when I'm giving answers about myself that are lies at the time, but will actually be my truth in the future. So the reason I tell the lie is not out of an intent to lie, but because I can foresee that future so clearly that I refuse to verbalize how it is untrue at that present time.

With that said, as much as I hate to lie and being lied to, what I know of Michael Lucas and my own history of dealing with him makes me feel no regret about that lie.

Especially since a recent trip to CumUnion made that lie about myself back then finally become my truth today.

My French playmate pounded away at me, and I realized that my dick was semi-hard. That is not unusual when I bottom. But I am never compelled to jerk off. I'm always about enjoying the dick, and letting that be where all of my sexual pleasure comes from. This time, I decided to go for it. As soon as I started jerking off, I could feel my physical orgasm coming. In fact, it grew in me slowly getting me to the point of ejaculation. And when it happened, I thought, "Oh my God, it's happening! HOW is this happening???".

I could feel the cum start oozing from my dick and onto the side of my finger. Then an even greater shock happened... I wasn't done.

I kept cumming. With the intensity of the orgasms growing, leading my cum load to grow as well. I surmise it was a cumload like the one from me playing with my SackJack.

However, even with that heightened intensity, I still wanted my playmate to keep his dick sliding back and forth in my ass tunnel. He did. And with not one single request to stop from me.


I have never been one who could masturbate while bottoming, then shoot a cumload. I could however do it while using an anal sex toy. With that, I always surmised that it was because, unlike with a human being, while using a sex toy, one doesn't have to focus on an actual human being's needs, desires, and in-the-flesh beauty for sexual fulfillment at that moment. But even without cumming from jerking off during sex, the sex still usually satisfied me. So I resolved myself to how the mental orgasm I spoke of in an article for Thotyssey is what I would always have with a guy.

I always wondered though that if and when I finally jerked off and came while bottoming if I was going to be one of those guys who once they orgasmed, would they end the sex. Thankfully, that was not the case.

This concerned me because as I have said before, if I'm getting good dick, I become an insatiable power bottom.

Keyword - INSATIABLE. Meaning keep going because their is no ending to this pleasure for me.

For I have always loved, loved, LOVED, LOVED  a hot guy's dick in my ass. Hating when the time comes that he has to take it out because life happens.

So I always feared a physical orgasm from my body's penile satisfaction while bottoming would make me go back on my word. Since the typical response to a male's penile orgasm includes an end to the sex. The mental orgasm I get knowing the pleasure my body is giving my sex partner allows the sex to continue.

We later sat cuddled together on the sofa upstairs. Just enjoying sharing a space with each other. I know it sounds romantic, even though it was a sex party. But that's the kind of energy I give off.

My sexual energy gives off my true view of sex - a physical and spiritual connection. Many gay males don't have the depth and/or maturity to handle that even at a sex party. If they're a top, their hard-ons are sparked by guys who they see as empty vessels to take their cock in. And if they're bottoms, they're holes widen for guys who they see as empty vessels who don't really care about in who they put their dicks. In any case, even if they talk to the person, such actions shows that they are drawn to someone who has less respect for their own humanity.

Anyway, we got so comfortable that neither one of us realized that we had both fallen asleep. We woke up because the party's host came upstairs to announce that the venue was preparing for Encore, the after-hours party held Fridays and Saturdays at Paddles. The host saw us on the sofa as he headed back downstairs. Teasing us by asking "When's the wedding?", because the last time my playmate was in New York, we met up at Paddles, and the host saw us cuddled together then as well. Like I said, I give off that kind of sexual energy, and a sweet few are deep and mature enough to embrace it.

Luckily, that nap re-energized us. We saw the after-hours crowd come in and be horny as fuck. We watched, but never got up from the sofa to get involved. I liked his naked skin against mine so I kept stroking his thigh, and occasionally kissing his chest as I leaned on it, and reached up to kiss his neck. The entire time, he kept stroking my shoulder and kissing on me.

Knowing he is inspired by watching people fuck, I started fondling his dick and balls, even before the after-hours crowd arrived. He was getting semi-erect before then. But once the after-hours crowd came in, he got harder, and harder.

What really sparked him into action was how while I was on my playmate's left, a Black guy was getting a blowjob to his right. The Black guy and my playmate started touching each other. The Black guy reached to include me, and I reciprocated by rubbing the smooth skin of his forearm, and reaching across my playmate so I could continue the travel of my hand to reach and massage the Black guy's shoulder.

This went on long enough that my playmate's dick got rock-hard and wanted to fuck my hole yet again. He was trying to include the Black guy by having the Black guy fuck him while he fucked me. You see, my playmate is actually quite skilled in a fuck-train. Hence the following tweet the following afternoon:

Thinking back to last night's @CumUnion NYC hosted by @MilkNYC, and how skilled my playmate is at being the center of a fuck-train.

He finds his top's fuck-rhythm, then copies it, so I (as his bottom) feel that same rhythm, but with his dick.

OMG!!! That Frenchman can fuck!!!!

— LeNair Xavier (@LeNairXavier) May 25, 2019

However, the Black guy never took my playmate up on the invitation. So it was just me and my playmate once again. That re-energizing nap led to my playmate thrusting into my ass for what must have been about an hour or more in various parts of Paddles. Eventually, he came inside me. I could feel the throbs of his cock as he let out his load. This was when I went back to a mental orgasm. Because at no point during that entire hour (or more) of bottoming did I stroke my cock. I was so turned on by his body in me and on me that I needed nothing else to stimulate me.

In any case, I'm thinking back on the pleasure of both Acts I and II. Learning I can now get off by both a mental and physical orgasm. This leads to new sexual information about my bottoming that I didn't know before.

So now, there is versatility within my versatility. 😉

Anal Muscle Memory - Trained, Gained & Maintained

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Satisfied By SatisfyerMen... On OnlyFans???

Back in July 2018, I wrote the blog article "The Social Destruction of Fan Paysite Pornstars". I still very much stand behind my position in that article, in which I criticized studio-based pornstars for not allowing themselves the right amount of downtime a porn performer needs to have mentally and emotionally healthy sex.



As there are many with so little of a life that they like to start drama, I'm sure such a post has some ready to scream, "HYPOCRITE!"

Well, with my abhorrence for hypocrisy, I can assure you that there is none here in my having an OnlyFans page. Primarily, because of the issue I stated in the post. And since I am no longer doing studio-based porn, the idea of a OnlyFans, JustForFans, and the like is an option I'm free to explore without being a hypocrite.

A lesser way I avoid hypocrisy is because at this point, subscribing to my OnlyFans page is FREE. I feel why should I charge for it when I haven't done so for as long as I have had XTube, RedTube, and Pornhub accounts. Hence why you don't need an OnlyFans account to see the 1st video I've uploaded there. That same video in its 7 minutes and 20 seconds entirety is also on my XTube and RedTube accounts.

Because I like what I do. I like to erotically stimulate people. And although I'm nowhere near rich, knowing you like it at this juncture is all the payment I need.

The reason I made an OnlyFans page is because I thought at some point I would make a video, and post it on there to test myself. And testing myself is what I always do. In this case, testing to see if I was going to be a hypocrite or not. Do I really want to make you pay for porn that is a peek into my personal sex life? An act I have long spoken against.

For my desire to do porn in all of its various art forms has always been to incite a safe space for those questioning their orientation, feel comfortable in their desire to be exhibitionists, and embrace the body they are in, whatever size or color that body comes in, as long as it's healthy. So the porn I do is to flip the bird to the sizes, colors, and shades that the media overhype as sexy despite their healthiness.

With all that said, clicking on the pick below will take you to my 1st OnlyFans upload. Enjoy.

In Lust With....Parker Marx

For my first couple of years after my coming out to myself, I frequented the now-gone gay bar Splash, which is where I came out to myself. One night while dancing the night away by myself, this cute European male with a couple of female friends came onto the dancefloor. My peripheral vision caught the guy looking at me for a second, then again. I kept dancing, but my 6th sense felt I was being focused on by someone. That someone was him. Since I did find him extremely attractive, I returned the gaze, and held it to see where it would lead.

It led to him staring at me with his eyes getting wider and wider. Then he said, "Oh, my God! You are SEX! You're like... the whole thing!"

Bashful and flattered by the compliment, and not taking it seriously, I just laughed, said "Thank you", tried hiding my face into my chest, then continued dancing.

The point of that story is because I like being able to pass on to someone a compliment that has been bestowed upon me. And someone I feel the need to pass on such a compliment is Parker Marx.

The 1st time I saw Parker Marx was in an Erika Lust scene, The BitchHiker. The moment I saw him I was struck with so much lust. Having no idea of the beauty of his body, his ass, or his cock, just his eyes alone made me feel he entered into my ass with just the tip. With every sound, word, and motion from him after being another thrust going deeper inside me to make me orgasm. And each twitch of my ass tunnel caused by watching him had me wishing it was doing it while wrapped around his cock. And being the ass man that I am, a fantasy of Parker Marx would not be complete without fantasizing about using my hands to worship his ass while my hole is worshiping his cock.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this. There's a reason Erika Lust has had him featured so many times, and other directors as well.

Now, before a gay reader has a fit about me lusting after a straight guy (which there is nothing wrong with), know that Parker Marx has also done gay porn....And showing there is no shame in his game, he is featured using that very same name. So there's even more reason to lust for him. For Parker Marx is a proudly sexual being.