Like You - See All Gays As Sexual Equals

There have been enough instances in which my medium to dark-complexioned self will see a white or light-skinned guy check me out, look like they want to talk to me, or just fuck and be my top, but never make a move. However, they have no problem approaching a white or light-skinned guy to become their top, or approach a medium to dark-skinned guy to be his bottom.

Another instance I have seen often is a white or light-skinned guy who claims to be completely versatile or a versatile bottom, and while he might seem to be open to playing with guys of various colors/ethnicities, his urge to top never seems to surface with medium to dark-complexioned males. Instead, his urge to top only happens with white and light-skinned males.

These are definite displays within sexual racism.

Sexual racism is not just saying, "I'm not into <insert color/ethnicity here>". It is also limiting a person of a certain color/ethnicity to being only one specific sexual role. Such as the porn-induced idea that if a medium to dark-complexioned black male is to have sex with a white or light-complexioned person, that medium to dark-skinned guy can only be a top.

Also, the idea says that black males within that hue must be aggressive in their topping. Aggressive in a way that to the sane eye borders on sexual brutality and rape. A style that is a sexualization of white guilt demanding punishment. So if it's in porn today, then that means the porn producers and directors are problematic creatures in the mix. And the performers regardless of color are also problematic. Prove every bit as to why I think of most porn actors as a past poem states, "Fuckable Body,..Unlovable Soul".

I know some are quick to say that there are more blacks bottoming in porn now. Yes, there are, but not many. Nor do they have a variety of looks like their white counterparts. And before I continue, take note:

The few porn scenes that you see of blacks bottoming would have never come to be if I didn't speak up about it during my time doing studio-based porn under the name "Tré Xavier", as I pointed out in an article on my "Calling Out Ass Holes" Tumblr . In short, there would be no them if there was no me. 

So I started needed conversations then, and I am starting needed conversations now.

While I did write that article and see the slight changes, it hasn't changed the overwhelming racist sexual expectations of many white and light-skinned males enough. Like most forms of racism, it is so indoctrinated into all of our minds that most people of every color don't realize they're exemplifying it. That includes the black males playing the roles of the overly aggressive.

In most possible sexual encounters, I am still expected to be a top to a white/light person. Never mind the fact that my bubbly ass makes me much more desirable as a bottom than my proportionate dick does as a top.

Still, white/light-complexioned guys, (even when they are over 6 feet tall) come to my 5'6" 145 -160 lbs. frame having me being their top be their initial ass-umption. Meanwhile, a white/light-skinned male with the same height and weight and front and back endowments is either negotiated with about their position, or immediately assumed to be a bottom.

If you have problems with the white guy being assumed to be a bottom, then you are missing the point. For the point is at least there is multiple choice of how a white/light-skinned guy is approached. I, as a medium to dark-skinned Black man, don't get that same multiple choice. In any case, it's a clear sign that there is some racial profiling about medium to dark-skinned black males with their sexuality, and it needs to be addressed.

Of course that needed talk won't happen when the ignorance of many white/light-skinned guys is so obvious around us. It is shown in them doing studio-based porn. It is shown in the porn they do to show on Twitter, Chaturbate, OnlyFans, and the like. And it is shown by those not doing any kind of porn at all.

If you think I'm wrong, and are ready to give the prostituting stereotypical gay porn actor a pass by saying that he was paid to do that, then explain his OnlyFans, JustForFans, 4MyFans, etc.! If a white/light-skinned guy does studio-based porn as well as porn on those fansites, you practically never see him top a medium to dark-complexioned male on those fansites. What is so telling of how brainwashed and racist they actually are is the fact that the purpose of those sites for them is to do things without the puppet strings of a studio-based porn producer and director. Yet, there they are. Still under the puppet strings. Being another white/light whimpy, wincing bottom over the black dick that has sold out to yet another white person's desire to fetishize them.

With that said, just because you're a white guy doing 1 or 2 scenes for NoirMale, your run back to your all-white world still exposes you are a racist. OR because you have signed up to be the latest token black male topping white boys for CockyBoys, you're still a sellout and part of this problem. Neither scenario (or one like it) exonerates any guy of any color as to how much they are another lump of feces floating around in a septic tank. Thereby further exasperating this problematic imagery.

And yes, as much as the gay porn industry tries to deny accountability for how we gay males see each other sexually, I still beg to differ and cite porn as both a teacher and indicator. Based on the facts I am presenting here, disgustingly more so, teacher.  

This is why when we speak of "not being into" a person of a certain ethnicity or color, we must ask ourselves if our feeling that way is naturally us as an individual, or if something outside of our nature influenced that definition of beauty. White entitlement and the spoiled brat mindset it enables causes many white males to refuse to do that pause and look within. Hence why they are the quickest to call their racism "preference".

And colorism being a branch of racism that makes the gay community like Pre-Civil Rights Movement America entices many light-skinned people of color to play along for acceptance.

Now, black males are by no means exonerated from blame in this problem. After all, the black porn actors (past and present) in such interracial scenes, and the black gays who heed to the call of such white/light males to play what I call the "gorilla nigger" are willing participants. I am proud to say that I am not one of those black guys. I have probably lost most of the white/light guys I've dated because of it. If so, their loss will one day be a real man's gain.

Hence the need for this poem. We are about to head into the year 2021. So by now we should all be seen more as equals in all ways, and that includes sexually. Yet we are not, and that need to stop TODAY.

For Anal: Ina Wave vs. Loki Wave

I have often said that the sex toy industry is quite often too gender-specific for its own good. Case in point, of the 8 sex toys I have reviewed for my Nude Dude Review, 4 - half of them are marketed to females. Yet, my male body got great enough pleasure from them that by the end of the video, I had stripped down to some very skimpy underwear.

This brings me to the target toys of this article. The Ina Wave, a rabbit vibrator marketed to females, and; The Loki Wave, a vibrating prostate massager marketed to males.

By my working at a sex shop when these 2 sex toys came out, I got my hands on both of them. Now, many would expect that as a male, I would favor the Loki Wave over the Ina Wave. Well, you would be quite wrong.

I actually prefer the Ina Wave. In fact, I have even said to co-workers and customers that to my body, the Loki Wave feels like a nice sex toy, but the Ina Wave...makes me feel like I have an actual guest.

Perhaps the slight difference in shape of the area that lays on my taint is a factor. I definitely know that the width of that part is a factor for me.

For when I and/or a playmate plays with my taint, I prefer a finger. Approximately the size of the external stimulator on the Ina Wave, which also reaches the right length along my taint. Meanwhile, the external stimulator on the Loki Wave is more suitable for someone who prefers fingers (plural), and at a longer length for their external stimulation, be they male or female. I know this from a discussion with a former female co-worker who said that she preferred the Loki Wave over the Ina Wave for her vaginal pleasure.

Also, when placed side by side, I found the Ina Wave can go a tad deeper inside than the Loki Wave. So that slighter depth plus that motion might very well land on my prostate in a way to be more stimulating. 

Even though this article has been a long time coming, I hope that the next time you consider buying one of the two, give the other a look. Because the one marketed to bodies of the opposite gender might actually be the one you're looking for. 

Trust me on this. Because remember, I have a history of discovering such things. 😉

Enter, Thrust, Throb, Cream + backstory

One beauty of having your own laptop keep in the solitude of your room is that you can be as much of a pervert about it as you want to be. Namely, through your wallpaper. For this is a screenshot of the wallpaper I had on my computer at the time my song "Enter, Thrust, Throb, Cream" came to mind.

It's a still from a NextDoor Studios scene in which Michael DelRay tops Scotty Zee. So that's Scotty Zee cute butt.

For me, sex is art. So while this photo does turn me on, I don't stop and jerk off to this pic. I turn on my laptop see the nature-created artistry of a cock inside a nice wanting ass, and get to work.

However, on one particular day, I got up to take a break from a project. In doing so, I closed the web browser and all open windows, leaving me to see just that wallpaper. Suddenly, a subconscious thought came to me. I can tell it was my subconscious because as it reached my conscious mind, its volume slowly increased. It was 4 words said rhythmically describing what was going on in the picture, and the result. I knew that because while I couldn't instantly figure out what the middle 2 words were, I knew the first word was "Enter" and the last was "Cream" - 2 words I use very often when describing the process of sex.

As I thought more about it, I realized the other 2 words were to describe actions that fascinate me during sex. Knowing how I've always been fascinated how penetrative sex is a simple thrusting back and forth that brings one so much euphoric physical pleasure, it should be no surprise how the next word was "Thrust". Followed by the next fascinating thing during sex is the various times a guy's cock will throb as he's getting closer and closer to orgasm and ejaculation. Making the other word "Throb".

With the words now set in their rhythm, next came describing each word's part in sex from the entering of the penis to the ejaculation(s) that often concludes it. And this is the end result a cappella:

Which Responds Best To The Sounds of Sex?...Lovense or We-Vibe

Even before my exploration into interactive sex toys with Kiiroo, I have always wanted my vibrating sex toys to vibrate in sync with the sounds of sex in the porn I was watching. Mainly those toys that I use anally, which are many.

So when the technology for such vibrating sex toys evolved to having app connections that make the toy vibrate to music, it was only a matter of time before I put my own spin on it.

You see, I was never impressed by the idea of a sex toy vibrating to music. Probably because for me, I want the vibrations to be connected to who I'm fantasizing about. So as much as I'm a Prince fan, and love the song "It" as a song to play during sex, I'm not going to masturbate to its vibrations because I never had a masturbation fantasy about Prince. 

I will admit though that song does work well for that sex toy feature.

Anyway, it took awhile, but eventually I realized that while I didn't want to use music for the syncing vibration with audio feature like it was marketed, I could practice what I always preach....I came up with my own way of using that feature.

The idea probably came to me thanks to Kiiroo. For their Titan syncing with porn is pretty much what I was looking to do with the sync-with-audio feature of my anal toys. Luckily, I had 2 anal sex toys to test my theory with. The Hush by Lovense and the Vector by We-Vibe.

So what were the results of my tests?

Trust me, I love both brands and butt toys. However, when it comes to the sounds of sex, Lovense beats We-Vibe by a wide margin. Hence why I now also own a Lovense Edge, which was after the Hush that I used for this video:

In my testing, I found what gives Lovense the edge is their sensitivity feature. That sensitivity feature makes it more responsive to non-musical sounds, such as those in the title of my compilation: body slaps, bed squeaks, and moans. That is why you were hearing me moan over the sounds of the video. I was feeling (and enjoying) the Hush vibrating in my butt in perfect synchronicity to those sounds in the porn. Hence how I wound up coming close to the same time as Marco Paris.

With We-Vibe, whether the sounds of sex are in an audio track or by using the microphone to hear porn you have playing, you can see the app picking up the sound. However, the app picking it up does not transfer as well to the Vector, if at all. And the changing it from "bass", "mid-range", or "treble" didn't change that much. I figured if anything that the Vector would pick up the sexual sounds if you set it to react to mid-range or treble, but no such luck. For it seems the We-Connect app is meant for picking up the bass, mid-range, and treble of music only.

This review is not condemning We-Vibe's Vector. It is just simply pointing out that it's audio-responses do not respond to the sounds of sex. Everything great I said about the We-Vibe Vector in my initial review of it still remains true.

With that, I leave you with the video compilation that I made for the purpose of this test. Appropriately titled "Body Slaps, Bed Squeaks & Moans". 

https://1drv.ms/v/s!AklovIuy4VIKgbZdX-5_R21xPtOx9w?e=Q8pNRG

Suggested Sex Toy Combo: Wanda & Stroke Sleeve

 

Now that you know how this sex toy combination came about, witness it working and see the end results😉...

Backstory & What If: "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband"

In case you didn't know or have forgotten, I occasionally write sex articles for the sex toy company Kiiroo. A few months ago however, they asked me for an erotic short story. The one I gave was actually a true story. Recently though, I pitched to them a story that was actual fiction.

The idea was born out of 2 facts I've confessed to when porn is part of my masturbation:

1) I watch more straight porn than gay porn, and;
2) While I'm totally versatile in action, in my fantasies however, I'm more of a bottom.

Keeping those 2 facts in mind, then you are right to conclude that the pleasure one assumes that male is giving that female's vagina is pleasure I'm imagining him giving to my ass.

My masturbation fantasy is usually nothing more than him still being an actor in straight porn. So he has sex will a lot of women, and while I'm the only guy he wants, he is not in a relationship with me. In fact, whether he even has an actual relationship is never part of the fantasy. So since he's having sex with me and those porn starlets, he was definitely bisexual. It's just a matter of what kind of bisexual was he. More gay than straight, more straight than gay, or right down the middle.

In any case, when I decided to build a story around that fantasy, I felt a deeper involvement between the two was more interesting. At first conscious thought, it seemed unbelievable. However, the more I thought about the idea, the more I realized how the fantasy of me, a predominately gay bisexual having sex with a male who does straight porn as expression within a relationship...

This could possibly be someone's reality.

Like I said, for this short story, I made the couple have an actual relationship. Then I upped the ante some more. For the initial story idea was to make my character and the pornstar (whose name is "Zen Massif") boyfriends that had been together for a few years. Then came the last minute idea to up the ante even more so by making us married. It was a means to indicate how while being an unwed couple for a few years shows that you have been through a lot of discovery with each other, getting to the point of marriage means the bond is even stronger. You need such a strong bond if you're going to be involved with someone who is not only in the sex industry as a porn actor, but with whom you have a non-monogamous relationship.

With that in mind, I'm sure many are wondering why would anyone even fantasize, much less actually be so deeply involved with a porn actor. It is because sex between 2 (or more) people truly attracted to each other is a beautiful sight. Especially when the motivation bringing the together are pure. Such as being void of racism, or sexualizing of daddy issues, or glamorizing incest. When absent of such motivations, sex alone or in an orgy has a beauty more than words can describe.  Even if you know one or more of those people are romantically involved with someone else. With that in mind, the thought of watching my significant other being sexual attracted to someone else, pleasuring them that once (twice or occasionally), but always coming home to/with me to pleasure me many times over is a massive turn-on. Also, having that outside person be the means by which you can see the beauty of your partner's sexual motions that you can't see when he is with you, or that you might miss if you have strategically placed mirrors to see yourselves.

Keeping all that in mind, I titled it "Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor's Husband".

I wrote this story to be more of a preface for more tales to follow. Tales that could easily be adapted to become a porn film. So what if this story was to be adapted to become an actual porn film? With my ownership and pride in this fantasy, the only way a porn adaption would get my blessing is if I played the storyteller. So yes, I would actually come out of my retirement from doing studio-based porn to play that role. And hence why before the story was published, I made my own banner. Even though I knew Kiiroo would make one up themselves.

Now, if I would be playing the storyteller, then who would play my porn stud husband, "Zen Massif"?

Whoever I would approve of, with the exception of being in love with me, the guy playing Zen Massif would have to be a great deal of a real-life version of him. Firstly, he would definitely have to be sexually attracted to me. Because I refuse to fake the chemistry. Also, the guy would have to have shown his bisexual pride by being an out and proud bisexual. He cannot treat his straight or gay side like each side is on a half of a flip-switch. With that side it flips on being triggered only by the weight of dollars placed on it. Instead both his straight and gay side are triggered by the weight of the his prospective sex partner's sexual spirit.

The only way the porn actor can mentally and sexually differ from Zen is how his bisexuality does not have to be predominately gay like Zen and myself. He could be a predominately straight bisexual. Having just enough gay and a lust for me to fuck my ass into oblivion for all the world to see---at least twice.

The "at least twice" is in reference to my doing the aforementioned continuation of the story. That continuation depends on either how well the story is received, or just for my own entertainment. In any case, each part would be a sexual escapade featuring Zen and/or my character either together, or with other people that would also be one scene in a porn flick. And at least 2 of those detailed stories would have Zen with his husband.

Whatever the case, it would not be the overkill of bodies in most bisexual porn movies, especially of today. For most bisexual porn movies today are MMF 3-way after MMF 3-way. You hardly ever see  nowadays how and if the guy behaves differently when he is alone with a male compared to when he is alone with a female. The last time I recall seeing a total 1-on-1 scene within a bisexual porn was in the movie "Semper Bi", and that movie was made over a decade ago. With that in mind, I must sadly surmise that all the MMF scenes in one movie is probably a tactic used to prevent you from seeing when the male porn performer has monetized his sexual orientation. An act that is a total contradiction to the character of Zen that anyone playing him should not do. 

So will those stories happen? Only time will tell. In any case, I do hope you read the erotic story, enjoy it, then let me know if you want some follow-up stories.

SEX.... Never Lose Its Fascination

Sex has always been an interesting subject to me.

Looking back to being a grade school child when I learned exactly what sex is; then starting to masturbate, which gave me some idea of how great sex feels to the body; then as I got older, even as a virgin, learning sex was a beautiful and powerful thing. Such a powerful thing that it can create life. Then once I finally experienced it for myself, I further understood that power. Seeing how while I already knew that when done right, sex can create life in a physical state, I also saw how it can create life in a spiritual state as well. But I additionally saw how when done wrong, it can be just as easily end those states of life. So the older I get, the more I understand how we have to respect that power and not take it lightly. And I try to educate people to do the same.

Just the outward simplicity of sex... simple back and forth motions. Causing all those inward complexities of sensations throughout the body, effecting the mind, and changing lives. ALL OF THAT IS FASCINATING.

And as long as there is life to continue, it will never cease being fascinating. Especially among us human being. So I wrote a poem to talk about the never ending fascination that is sex. Enjoy.

The Reconstructive Surgery of a Sex Toy - Thunder Stroke

Have you ever purchased a sex toy, and once you got it home to test it out, it ended up disappointing you?

Well, that happened to me when I purchased a Thunder Stroke 2-in-1 Wand Attachment from XR Brands. I was so hyped to used this. Because I already have their Hummingbird, which I love. A love that is clearly displayed by the cumshot at the end of the XTube video I made using it. With one side of the 2 play pieces on the Thunder Stroke resembling the Hummingbird, I felt that would just be an extra version of that texture. For my real reason for ordering the Thunder Stroke was for the piece that stimulates primarily the head of the penis.

Unfortunately, that didn't work out as I had planned. For I didn't realize before purchasing the attachment that the side of the Magic Wand's head gives less vibration that the top. This miscalculation was because of the fact that I have gotten off by putting the side of the Magic Wand's head on my frenulum numerous times. I even have an unreleased video to prove it. But all of those times were without something possibly obstructing the intensity of the vibration. Hence why the Thunder Stroke didn't work as I had hoped. The 2 stimulation sleeves of the Thunder Stroke get their vibration from the side of a Magic Wand. Unlike the Hummingbird, which gets its vibration from the more intense top of a Magic Wand.

My Aries' stubbornness however refused to make this purchase a waste. So I decided to try making the Thunder Stroke like the Hummingbird. I cut both sleeves off of the Thunder Stroke, then re-attached the one for stimulating the head of the penis to the top of the attachment with a shoe repair adhesive called Shoe Goo. I occasionally checked it over 3 days. Each time, it held firm. But the ultimate test came when I decided to make the video below. For that was my 1st time using it. So I was wondering:

Will the intense vibration of the Magic Wand prove me wrong to think that my reconstruction of the Thunder Stroke would be a success?

Well, there was only one way to find out? And you see it all down below. If successful, perhaps XR Brands will redo their Thunder Stroke.

The Reconstructive Surgery of a Sex Toy: Thunder Stroke powered by XTube

Lusting In Quarantine

The mandatory quarantines mandated by governments across the globe because of the COVID-19 pandemic has caused a variety of stresses. Some much more important than others. Such an example is that along with the extreme importance of financial worries ensued by this quarantine, there is also the less important, but just as real sexual frustration.

If you are following the rules, as much as you might want to, you are not partaking of hook-ups with a fuck-buddy, or the person you just started dating. Or the person you've been dating for awhile, but don't want to live with for an unpredictable amount of time.

With such scenarios, one will need to resort to the age-old release of sexual tension known as masturbation in order to calm the moments of lust that can spring up on us at any time. Thinking of that reality and to let you know you are not alone is what inspired the poem recited in this video.

And while I hope you in some way prepared yourself for how to get your sexual urges through this trying time, I more importantly hope that you will STAY HOME TO STAY SAFE.

Top Me, Bottom - an erotic poem

While I think this poem is self-explanatory, its lyrics might have gone over some readers' head.

The gist of it is that if a man says he's a bottom, no matter how much you might want his cock in your ass, don't pressure him about it. Much like I said in "How To Make A Versatile Bottom Top", let him know only once about your interest to have him top you, then leave the topic alone. Let circumstance bring him around if such is in the cards for him. And even if that never happens, take solace in the fact that you have masturbation to get off to the thought if it happening.

Steven Lee Doppelganger

I seem to have a knack for picking doppelgangers of male pornstars from both gay and straight porn. In fact, I'll name 5 quick names right now in order of occurrence:

1) Mason Wyler
2)Tommy Hansen
3) Denis Reed
4) Mark Ashley
5) Charles Dera

In all of these encounters, the person reminded me of the pornstar upon sight. However, there is one case in which, the recently known pornstar proved to be a doppelganger for a past playmate.

That pornstar is Steven Lee.

Back in 2008, I met a cute French guy at Splash Bar in NYC (which is now gone). The guy's name was Jean. He was quite shy, and we kept running into each other various weeks there. It became what happens sometimes between regulars at a bar/club. You greet each other, but that's all you do. After the hello, you go your separate ways. Eventually, we spoke to each other. And however we started speaking, we didn't stop. It led to me going back to where he w staying.

During that night together, I discovered that he didn't actually live here in New York. That place was where he stayed when he came to New York on business, which at that time was often.

Why I Still Love Gay Sex Substance-Free As I Near 50

This year I turn 49 years old. That's just one year away from me being 50. Half a century old. Well, in recent months, I have come to realize that I am enjoying sex a lot more. Even when writing Evolution of My Bottoming and Evolution of My Toppping, I was unaware that this growing love of sex was happening. What makes me most proud of it is the fact that this joy is achieved without any kind of  substances. No poppers. No alcohol. No marijuana. And nothing harder. This joy of sex from foreplay to orgasm is made from a clear mind.

So with substance-abuse being too much a common part of gay sex, I decided to take a step back and think about what got me to this point. And what can I say for others in my age, or will at some point become my age, feel inspired to follow so they can have the same joy. I'm not going to promise you that some of these reason won't be controversial, but like I said, they got me to this point. Maybe they can do the same for you in some way.


I came out late
Over the years of questioning my sexual orientation, I observed and listened to various aspects reported in the media of gay male sexuality by gay males. This allowed me to decide if I ever came out as gay or bisexual what I wanted out of my gay sexual encounters. Instead of like many gay males who come out young, listening to a more seasoned gay male who is very likely jaded and doing various physically and mentally unhealthy means to escape past traumas that have left scars on the body, heart, and mind.

This is not to say that coming out young is a guarantee of you not coming up with a list such as mine. But my observations have shown me that it is not common for a young gay male to make such a list for themselves. They often follow the aforementioned wrong path young, then grow old still following it, and passing it on to the next generation of gays. Hence the massive substance-abusing dysfunction that plagues the LGBTQ+ community today.

I've gotten over my prostituting moments
Unfortunately, prostitution is a commonality in the gay male community. Ignorant and often hypocritical parents push their children towards prostitution by throwing them out of the house when the child is discovered to be any degree of gay. Also, other (usually older) gay males exploit them with prostitution through gay nightlife, porn, and escorting sites. This leaves that gay male to survive by turning the only thing they have left into a commodity--- their body.

No one of mentally and emotionally sound mind sets out to be a prostitute. So prostitution is what a mentally and emotionally healthy person resorts to when they are broken down by the world around them, and backed into a financial corner. Sadly, the older gay males in our community, particularly those on the down low and the older gays selling out the younger gays don't want our community as a whole to ever realize that. That is why the escorting sites are allowed a place in many Gay Pride Marches.

The problem is as someone who was never an escort, but had prostituting moments in his porn and go-go dancing career, I am too aware of what that life does to one's psyche.

I have written a number of times about how much I loathed the gay-for-pay bitch in denial, Double R, who I got stuck working with in my scene for "Love of the Dick IV". His antics made him nothing I wanted to have sex with, yet out of a need for the underpaid rate ethnic studios pay their models, I did it. That prostituting moment haunted me for quite awhile. Resulting in me often having flashes of it during a sexual encounter in which I was feeling great joy. This especially would happen during encounters in which I was topping. Resulting in me losing my erection.

Keeping that result in mind, what do you think would happen to someone who makes such joyless sexual encounters their everyday? Like an escort. Making sex a chore, instead of a means for pleasure. A compartmentalizing that is contradictory to what sex was made for. One would have to use something, like drugs or alcohol to lessen the reaction to or totally repress flashbacks of such encounters. And do note that the more times you do it, the more flashbacks you're setting yourself up for having. Hence why substance abuse is such a commonality in any sex work void of sexual attraction. And sadly, such emotionless sex work is a commonality in prostituting, being a porn actor, or being a go-go boy.

When I told a friend about those flashbacks, he suggested that I seek professional help for it. I paused considering it for just a second. Because not to be the media-proposed black male refusing mental health assistance, I realized it was unnecessary for me. For in that revelation to him, and numerous times prior on my social media formats, I realized by that point that I no longer had the flashbacks. I had self-therapized through my writing.

This is why if you've seen me in recent months at a sex party/backroom as a top, then you've seen me enjoying my bottom for a good while. Not abruptly stopping like I used to, which was before because a memory flash killed my hard-on. Now, such abrupt stopping is because the bottom overdosed on poppers and/or he's a size queen that never does kegels so his hole is too lose to pleasure me.

With that said, the reason I am growing in my love of sex as I get older is because I no longer have to repress a flashback to that trauma from surfacing. Nor do I have to block out a reaction to one.

I believe in God, but not religion
Another cause of substance abuse for many gays is because they are trying to repress hearing the anti-gay teachings of their parents and/or religious leaders. If you've read my poem and backstories about the guy I refer to as "Poppered Preacher", he claimed to love poppers, and do recreational use of meth... He was studying to be a minister when we met. But further proving the hypocrisy of religion, he is actually a minister now.

Besides him, I have yet to meet a gay male who has close ties to a church or religion who does not partake of some kind of substance abuse, and that includes poppers. This is not to say that it's impossible for one to exist, but it thus far seems extremely rare. The reason for that rarity is because they need to tune out the voices telling them that their love of gay sex is wrong. Like with prostituting, they need to repress the voices, or avoid reaction to them.

My attempt of belonging to a church to house my belief in God ended with Poppered Preacher. And while I had already come to a point of hearing less of a voice damning me for my love of the male form (heart, mind, body & soul), it really became silenced after he incited me putting that final nail in the coffin of religion.

So like I've said in that article and many social media posts, I still believe in God. To the point that I will not date a guy who doesn't believe in God. But my belief in God is not confined to me following a religion or church.

I don't play games
Many gay males play games in their sexual conquest. It's a subconscious overcompensation to give a big "FUCK YOU" to those who said that we are "less than" because we are some level of gay; because we gay males, instead of using our dicks to create children with and give pleasure to the opposite sex, we use our penis (and butts) to give pleasure to another male. In short, being man enough to live that truth. Unfortunately, many of us undo that earned manhood each time we treat each other as disposable entities to proclaim our sexual worth.

These issues can contribute to anyone of any color as to why they partake of substance abuse during sex. However, there is one thing that can incite substance abuse during sex that I just realized its existence over New Year's. Thereby also realizing the many ways it spares me.

I am not white, or the socially acceptable light-complexioned
For New Year's, I traveled all the way from NYC to Lancaster, PA to be with someone who I thought was a friend. A true friend with benefits. He is white, the same age as me, and looked good for his age, so I thought. On the night I arrived, when we were supposed to be having sex, he was doing marijuana, cocaine, and to my surprise, meth. I will admit that I did partake of the former 2 of the 3. Being true to how I've always said that my sex partner is my only high, my partaking was not out of a "necessity" for a high. It was instead because even though I've had enough experiences to know the answer, I was still wondering if I'm missing something in asking: WHAT IS THE PAY-OFF TO DRUG USE DURING SEX?

This time around however, I finally realized that while there is still no pay-off, I was and always will be missing a trait as to what drives the "necessity" in people like him...

I'm not white. Nor am I light-complexioned.

I'm sure you're wondering what that has to do with anything. The fact is that it is naturally ingrained in our DNA that none of us are any better than the other. Especially because of color. However, just about every aspect of the gay community and the media influencing it is run by insecure, racist white males. And they advise every white male to pride themselves on their being white.

Focus on the colorism within racism, and you also have light-complexioned people of color assuming the same kind of behavior. For I have long said that the racism in the gay community makes the gay community like Pre-Civil Rights Movement America. Where light-complexioned people are given preferential treatment and the preferred color over medium to dark-complexioned people in regards to sex appeal.

This makes sexual conquest much more obtainable for both white and light-complexioned people. However, as with all things so easily accessible, the people become spoiled. Taking the sex and the person they have acquired for granted. Treating them as disposable entities. That's why in sexually permissive spaces, white and light-complexioned males jump from one person to another way more easily, without the slightest bit of remorse over wasting that person's time. Meanwhile, a medium to darker person of color finds a person of interest, and wants to hold on to them for a bit. Yet to a white/light person willing to take them for granted, they can come off as being overly possessive.

In any case, being the socially acceptable color can eventually make a white/light person’s easy access to sex become old. Sex will lose its excitement and be nowhere near as stimulating substance-free as it was in their younger days. So they start to believe they need a new sensation to give sex a boost. That new sensation could be from anything from poppers, marijuana, or harder drugs, like cocaine, heroine, or crystal meth. Like in the aforementioned situation I had.

When I find someone I desire to have sex, I have less of a false sense of being sexual royalty plaguing my mind. I already don't fit the mold simply because I'm Black. But I am not altering my appearance with the intent to fit the racist white porn-induced idea of a "beautiful black male" either. For with my small frame, there's also my refusal to shave my head as a means to remove my African descent. So be my encounter in private or in public, I'M FREE. Your typical white/light male does not have that luxury. If they are not expected to at least be a certain body type, they are always expected to choose a certain color and body type and behave a certain way during sex. In addition to their encounters becoming boring, these added pressures also contributes to the substance abuse during sex.

This is not to say though that a white/light person can't have the same growing joy of sex that I do. Just as racist imagery makes some black males ignorantly pride themselves on their large penis, white/light males have to stop priding their conquest on their white/light skin. For that is enabling both racism and colorism, to which the karma for anyone of any color is emptiness and loneliness. Even during the act of sex.


Sex is a natural act, and the pleasure from it is to be obtained naturally. However, you diminish how naturally that pleasure is obtained when you add lack of self-identification, as well as religious ghosts, ego-stroking head games, and attitudes of entitlement to the mix. For all of those things will have you seeking a way to numb your conscience from reacting to them. Then you will have to ask yourself if that pleasure is real. For how actual was that pleasure when the only part you remember is the substance you took to get in the act. Yet you remember little to no specifics of the pleasure itself.

So the best thing to do is to rid yourself of that mental and emotional baggage to make yourself a better lover, and overall,... a better you. And part of that being a better you is to remember that just because you're getting older, that doesn't mean that the joy of sex has to get old,...and boring.

Party Review: Celebrating at Body Shop NYC

In case you don't follow me on social media, I was in a celebratory mood February 9th and 10th. For on February 9, 2002, as soon as I stepped into the (now gone) gay bar Splash, I came out to myself. And a few hours later, after midnight, so it was February 10, 2002, I lost my virginity in a 5-man orgy. So when I learned of the debut of Body Shop NYC being on February 10, 2020, the 18th anniversary of me losing my virginity, I felt I had the perfect place and way to celebrate....

By getting laid.

I knew I was in "trouble" before I even got let inside the venue. For on my way there, just steps away from the door, I saw a hot guy walking out. At a quick glance, he resembled the porn stud named Angelo.

Angelo makes my hole twitch just having a quick mental picture of him as I write this. So imagine what went through my mind seeing a guy that looks slightly like him in the flesh. Adding even more titillation was my peripheral vision catching the guy starting to check me out as I got closer to the venue's door. It took every fiber of my being to not return the glance.

Because I know me. And I always looks at the big picture. In this case, it was a big picture knowing that if I had returned that glance, and by chance got invited to go elsewhere, you would be reading a review of whether or not that guy laid good pipe, instead of whether or not the hot cakes and sausage selection was any good at Body Shop NYC.

So yes, I continued on into Body Shop NYC. There were a couple of more guys leaving as I was entering. But I've attended enough sex parties that I didn't lose hope of there being guys to play with. Because even if few were there once I got undressed, I knew that unless you arrive within the last hour, there is often a new wave coming to come. And while the party started at 9:30, but I didn't get out of work until 10:20, making me arrive a little before 11, I was in luck with about 2 1/2 hours left.

I first did as I always do by taking a stroll through the venue. Even though I've been to the space before for other parties. It was pretty quiet for the moment. Some action was happening, but I was still in the combined mode of decompressing from work and observing the vibe at the party.


I have grown to distance myself from some parties lately. For I've grown tired of their racist marketing. Making it be that in order for a black male to get laid, one would have to first and foremost focus on him being black, and with just as much vigor, expect him to play the white porn-induced role of aggressive black male with a BBC. That was not the case at Body Shop NYC. I, and everyone else regardless of their color was able to be themselves. Of course there are those who are still stuck on the Great Racist Sexpectations that porn has taught them. But I can gladly report that for my encounters, my sexual position did not seem immediately assumed. And if it was, it was allowed to change. Especially pleasing since my encounters were with a Latino and white male.

So yes, I only had 2 encounters that night. As perpetually horny as I am, I don't need my dick engulfed and/or ass filled the entire time I'm in attendance at a party. I need chemistry. As I said in a recent Instagram post, it's not about quantity, but quality.

With the Latino, I bottomed. However, that's after his introduction to me was by giving me a blowjob, which made me think that I was going to be the top. Perhaps the possible change was because of what happens with many versatile and vers/bottoms guys I meet. For between his groping my ass after he had me stand up to give me a blowjob, followed by my cakes in position to satisfy his request to rim me, the sight of my ass might have seduced him to become my top.

This is not the 1st time such a thing has happened. Hence why I can make that summation. In any case, I welcomed him pounding my ass and my ass causing him to shoot his load.

With the white guy, I got bold. After a few walks around exchanging glances, my usually shy self actually approached him. He immediately started to suck me off. He had a very nice body, and I rubbed everywhere I could without removing my cock from his mouth. At one point, I went down on him. His cock was so thick. I figured he wanted me to be his top, but based on that last encounter, I let a little more playing happen to know for sure.

I got my answer when he soon laid on his back for me to top him. After awhile, I needed to change positions because if I kept at him in missionary, I knew I was going to come. So we changed to doggy-style. He was still feeling so good. Enough that I wanted to savor it, so I suggested taking a break. Just before that break, I asked him if he ever topped. He said that he sometimes did. That "sometimes" made it easy to surmise that he was a versatile bottom. So when we met up again, I went down on him some more for him to top me for a quick bit.

He told me when I first starting topping him that he wanted me to come all over him. With this, I didn't come by fucking. I came by him sucking me off and us jerking each other off. Between the touch of his body, him jerking me, and me jerking myself, all were happening behind each other so quickly and repeatedly that I don't know which I was doing when I shot my load. But I did shoot it on his as he requested.


The general idea is that one is considered an adult at the age of 18. And in the journey towards becoming 18, you're becoming closer to where you are able to do everything within the law of the land. Put that thinking towards my becoming sexually active, in which I was a total bottom for the first couple of years, but always knew I would become more and more versatile as my sexual confidence matured. So for the 18th birthday of my being sexually active, I went to Body Shop NYC with the hopes of being versatile. Therefore, this was---- Mission: accomplished.

Now, mission aside, I enjoyed and recommend Body Shop NYC. As previously stated, I was able to walk in without the marketing of the party defining what I should be because of color, ethnicity, or body type. Why is that so important? It's because having less of such labels and expectations with those labels allows a patron to walk in with much more relaxation. Which in turn during sexual encounters leads to a lot more elation and ejaculation.

Sex Toy Review: Kiiroo Onyx+

Only 20 people received Kiiroo's ONYX+ for review, and I'm honored how I got to be one of them.

Kiiroo's ONYX+ is the 3rd version of the Onyx. I had the 1st one. I reviewed as to how it was a new masturbation experience after using my hand for almost 40 years. Since I consciously remember stroking my penis since the age of 9, and the ONYX was the 1st sex toy I've ever owned that mostly did the stroking for me. All I had to do was grind into the toy. So I was eager to see how this version was going to do. Especially since I was still a tad spoiled on the interactive prowess of their vibrating penis toy, Titan.

Note that I mentioned that the Titan is a vibrating penis toy, while all versions of the ONYX actually stroke the penis.

The ONYX+ has 3 modes, Manual, Automatic, and Interactive.

The manual mode is just that--- manual. By stroking the space between the 2 arrows on top of the device, you can make the pleasure rings stroke along the sleeve however you want. And you can go quite fast since you can get 140 strokes per minutes out of the ONYX+.

In addition to the Manual mode, the ONYX+ also has an automatic mode, which has 4 settings. They are called: Full Stroke, Power Up, Handjob, and Storm, and they are exemplified in the video below. I made this and the other video in this review without the sleeve that goes inside the ONYX+ to show the motion the 10 pleasure rings in the device do against the sleeve to please one's penis.

I saved talking about the best mode for last. The mode that is putting Kiiroo on the map ---- the interactive mode.

I love searching through the porn videos to see which I can play with my interactive sex toys. And when I find one, I'm all in. For part of what gets me off from my masturbating to porn is not only imagining what the person I'm focusing on is doing to me. I'm also imagining what sensation the person I'm focusing on is feeling.

Hence why even though I define as a predominately gay bisexual, I watch straight porn more with over 95% of the time focusing on the guy. As I did when testing the ONYX+.

The reason why is because Pornhub's Interactive category only has straight porn. So what about gay sex toy owners who would like the same joy of interactive during their porn viewing? For them, the way interactive mode might work is by syncing it with some VR porn. For non-VR interactive viewing, I'd suggest choosing the gay channel at FeelMe.com.

The interactive mode also allows a long-distance play session. You can do so by connecting the ONYX+ with another interactive device, like a Fuse, Pearl, another Onyx, or any other Kiiroo toy. This can be with a partner or even a cam model. All can be achieved by a connection through the FeelConnect app.


No matter which mode I tested the ONYX+'s prowess with, at least for me, it gave me a number of mini-orgasms before causing the main orgasm and ejaculation. An orgasm with which I could not contain the noise from the ecstasy. That says a lot since my masturbating started so young, I've taught myself well as to how to silence my orgasms.

Also, the clean-up is quite simple. All one has to do is remove the sleeve to wash it with any body-safe soap or toy cleaner; let it dry; then put it back in the device. It's that simple.

In closing, let me go back to the interactive and show you just how well the ONYX+ syncs with some porn. This video in the following tweet is the one that made me cum. And why wouldn't it? It had me feeling every suck to Ryan Madison, and every fuck as if I was him. And there were no complaints here since I love watching his sexual enthusiasm.

If you're questioning whether or not @Kiiroo's ONYX+ can actually sync with your porn, then watch how well it does being synced with this Pornhub video.

And when you want to see such results for yourself, go here: https://t.co/2CKNuOcGKV pic.twitter.com/40lMDgRgkg

— LeNair Xavier (@LeNairXavier) February 9, 2020

With all that said, I strongly advise you to get an ONYX+ for yourself. IT. IS. AWESOME!

How Straight Are Males In Straight Porn Really?

I have long said that there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about sex with a straight male. Wrongdoing doesn't come until you try making that fantasy become reality by imposing gay advances upon that male professing to be heterosexual when he has shown no evidence of the contrary of his professed sexual orientation.

So what about straight male porn actors? For with many straight porn actors, there are instances in many of their histories and performances that expose evidence contrary to their displayed heterosexuality seen on screen. Such as:

Having A Gay Porn Past

I'm discovering more and more of the straight male porn actors I lust for actually have gay porn in their past. Of those in the above collage, 4 of them are just a few of many. And I'm not talking about a solo jerk-off scene here and there for a gay porn movie or website. No, I'm talking about them doing a full-on sex scene of them giving dick to a male's ass, or taking a male's dick in their ass to the point of busting a nut. Even making intense eye contact during the sex.

For your average Joe, I've long said that a "straight" guy having gay sex 3 times or more exposes his claim of being 100% straight a complete self-denial. With a straight porn actor who has had gay sex on camera, it's more like 2 times. For with any porn actor, there is a camera on you, can create performance anxiety in a male. So if he can get through such a sexual scenario more than once, those males are bringing upon themselves even more question as to how straight they are.

Double Vaginal or Double Anal Penetration Scenes
When I initially posted something addressing this topic on Facebook, someone tried to comment that same-sex skin to skin contact does not define sexual orientation. Well, if you're talking about one male putting a hand on another male's bare shoulder or knee, in that regards, that person was correct. However, when you are talking about a male's genitals rubbing or touching another male's private area, like bare dick to dick, bare dick to ass, or bare ass to ass rubbing, any of which having a clear erection present, that is when I must strongly disagree.

And to prove my point, I just discovered the 1st (Oliver Flynn) & 5th (Tyler Steel) male porn actors in a double-vaginal penetration scene. No limps dicks present.

For a male of sound mind maintains his penile erection by his penis being engulf by pleasurable materials. So if it's not 100% the texture of a vagina or rectum, then the texture of that other guys penis is adding to his stimulation. And knowing of that other guy's presence makes it clear that those 2 guys are not as heterosexual as they claim to be.


If any male in straight porn that you can name displaying these indicators was to ever try to dispute what I'm saying, then that denial should cause one concern. For it means 1) that those male performers are not thinking of their scene partners as human beings; therefore 2) the sex is void of a spiritual connection. And I have stated many times that any sexual tryst should have a spiritual connection if it's to be considered a healthy one. Even a one-time tryst, like that in filming a porn scene.

Some of these male porn actors might not want to be considered bisexual. If so, then perhaps he should consider an article I applauded on Medium. It stated how while many of us focus on sexual orientation, there is also romantic orientation. I applauded that article because it definitely explains my defining as a predominately gay bisexual. For I am sexually attracted to both males and females, but males way more than females. Add to that how I am strictly romantically attracted to males. I feel these male porn actors in straight porn who display the aforementioned indicators of sexual fluidity might be the exact opposite of myself. Romantically, they are all about females, but sexually a male can spark something in them. How and to what extent that sexual attraction to males manifests itself is his call though.

Case in point: While it has been some time since I last had my dick inside a cisgendered female's pussy, my attraction to a female is often displayed by me flirting with them. Males in straight porn have an even more available means of release of that sexual attraction. They are put in situations where they get a chance to get that occasional sexual attraction to a male out by way of physical sexual contact with a male.

With that said however, I do wonder how do the male performers with a gay porn past display that degree of gay after they have stopped doing gay porn. Do they flirt with males like I do females? Are they having tryst with males off-camera and not making it public? Or worse case scenario, are they denying themselves a physical means to satisfy that urge when their body and mind is not made for that satisfaction to be achieved without physical contact? My concern about that scenario is that it can lead to the violence of gay-for-pay porn actors that I addressed 11 years ago in "Denied Self Becomes Violent Self".

My pointing out these indicators is in no way meant to throw shade on them. I'm well aware that studio-based porn is a business, and these guys passing themselves off as being totally straight is part of that. I'm just pointing out how there are signs within their history and performances that show these males in straight porn are some level of bisexual just as many of their female counterparts seem to be. Even more obvious because of the penis being such an obvious indicator of arousal. Now, whether or not they choose to admit to those signs, that is something that only their own sexual conscience will revel in or bury.

In any case, my lusting eyes is hoping for the former.